#she worries about yusuke a lot i think. especially after he comes back from the dead. and i think kuwa's presence would help ease that

[eikichi-supremacy]

hey so do you think wtv keiko had to deal with growing up with yusuke could be considered a type of parentification

[vgckwb]

P5R: Rebel Girl (A FeMC Story/P5R Rework) Chapter 206: Still Young at the End of The Day

Sae had returned to the office after her trial was done. Another step towards a just future. She sat down, took a deep breath. “Now, onto those Phantom Thieves.” She continued to pour over her notes for the rest of the day.

Meanwhile, The Phantom Thieves emerged from Sae’s Palace. “Oh man,” Ryuji said. “That was something.”

“No kidding,” Lena said.

“Still,” Haru said, assuringly, “we managed to secure our route. Now all we have to do is bide our time.”

“Are you prepared, Makoto?” Futaba asked.

“Yeah,” Makoto said. She sighed. “I know it’s for the best but seeing everything is still a little disheartening.”

“I know it’s not easy,” Yusuke said, “but it’s still necessary.”

Makoto smirked. “Thanks Yusuke.”

Sumire noticed something. “Are…you OK, Ren?”

“Huh?” Ren replied. “Oh. Yeah.” She sighed. “Sorry. That Battle Area took a lot out of me.”

“Yeah, that looked really rough,” Morgana said.

“Especially having to go for three rounds without breaks,” Jose said.

“Yeah,” Ann added. “Even just watching it took the wind out of my sails.”

Sumire looked at Ren intently. She started taking her bag off of her. “Futaba? Could you take Morgana home? I’m going to take Ren and help her get back on her feet, OK?”

“I’ll be fine,” Ren said.

“I know you say that,” Sumire said, “but I also know that you tend to push yourself a lot. So I’m making the executive decision as your girlfriend that you’re coming with me.”

Ren smirked. “Well, how can I say ‘no’ to that?”

Sumire giggled. She handed the bag with Morgana in it to Futaba. “I’ll take good care of her.”

“Right,” Futaba said. She looked at Morgana. “Looks like it’s just you and me, Mona!”

“Oh, um,” Ren interjected, “maybe stop by the cafe first. Just in case Sojiro isn’t home yet to tell him what’s up.”

“Gotcha!” Futaba said.

“Seeya when you get back!” Morgana said. They split off.

“Alright!” Sumire exclaimed. “Let’s go!” Sumire dragged Ren off with her.

Yusuke checked the time. “Goodness me! We should head back to Kosei immediately, Jose!”

“Well, then, what are we waiting for?” Jose said. “Seeya!”

“Later!” Yusuke said. The two of them rushed off.

“So, uh, I guess that’s it for today, huh,” Ryuji remarked.

“Actually…” Ann said. “Would you mind staying with me a little longer? There’s something I need to talk about.”

“Oh, uh, of course,” Ryuji said. “Is everything alright?”

“Everything’s fine,” Ann said. Ryuji didn’t look too convinced. “Honest.”

Ryuji sighed. “Well, I guess we’ll just have to talk.”

“That’s the spirit!” Ann said. “Now come on! I’m like really hungry!”

"Yeah, no kidding!” Ryuji agreed. “You and I have been at this for like 7 months at this point, and I still get wiped out.” He turned to the remaining thieves. “Oh, uh, later!”

“Bye!” Ann called out. The two left.

Lena, Haru, and Makoto looked at each other somewhat awkwardly. “Well, um, I think we should get going,” Haru said.

“Yeah,” Lena said. “My mom gets a little worried if I stay out too late.”

“And I don’t want to keep my girlfriend waiting,” Makoto remarked.

“WHAT?!” Lena and Haru yelped.

Makoto grew embarrassed. “Oh. Right. I didn’t tell you all that, huh.”

“You’re dating someone?!” Haru wondered.

“And she’s a girl?” Lena added with enthusiasm.

“You have to tell us everything,” Haru insisted.

“Spare no detail!” Lena continued.

“Woah, uh, hold on,” Makoto said. “Like everyone else, I’m a little beat.” Haru and Lena frowned. “But I’ll message the group in the morning.” Haru and Lena got excited. “But I will say for now that she is wonderful.”

“Well, I’m really glad for you, Mako-chan,” Haru said.

Lena nodded. “I can’t wait to meet her.”

Makoto chuckled. “Yes, well, I’m sure you’ll get along nicely.” The three girls nodded at each other, and then went their separate ways for the night.

Ann and Ryuji stopped by Ryuji’s favorite ramen shop for dinner. “Ah! That hit the spot!” Ryuji said, slurping down some ramen. He noticed Ann nervously picking at her noodles. “Um, your noodles are going to get cold if you keep doing that.”

Ann looked back at her boyfriend as if she had just come back to reality. “Oh. Right.”

Ryuji scowled. “What’s on your mind? I know you said it’s OK, but it doesn’t look like it.”

Ann smiled nervously. “It’s fine. It’s just…” She huffed, “So, I know I decided to be a full-fledged model, and I’m still working on it, but um, well, you know my birthday is coming up, right?” Ryuji nodded. “Well, my parents are insisting on throwing a company party to debut me as a model model.”

“That sounds sweet!” Ryuji exclaimed.

“It is,” Ann said. “But this kind of event is invitation only, and I can’t go around inviting everyone, you know? I mean, I’ll invite you, because you’re my boyfriend, but I can’t invite Shiho, or Ren, or, well, anybody else. But I still want to do it because it’s amazing, and a good chance to show my skills. So I just don’t know what to do.”

“Well, if I were you, I’d just have two parties,” Ryuji said. “Go to the glitzy party, and then maybe on the day before, we all gather to celebrate at like Leblanc or something.”

Ann was stunned. “That’s it! Ryuji, you’re a genius!” She hugged him.

Ryuji was shocked, but appreciated the hug. “Eh heh. Can’t say I’ve heard that before.”

Ann giggled. “First time for everything.” They looked at each other, chuckling. They smiled.

Ann looked down at the bowls. “You know, your noodles are probably getting cold too.

“Ak! What?!” Ryuji yelped. “I can’t believe I let them get cold. They’re so much better warm.”

“Hm hm. Well, if you don’t want them,” Ann said. She took her chopsticks and started taking from Ryuji’s bowl.

“Huh?!” Ryuji said. “I never said I wouldn't eat them!” He hurriedly started eating some as well. As they were slurping, they soon found that they had grabbed opposite ends of the same noodles. They kept going until their lips met. Both of them were surprised by the contact, but they enjoyed it. They started giggling nervously, before going in for a real kiss. They finished eating, and headed home for the night.

As Yusuke and Jose were walking through Kosei to get to their dorms, Yusuke asked “Pardon me, but do you mind coming with me to my room for a bit? There’s something on my mind.”

“Of course,” Jose said. They headed to Yusuke’s dorm. Once they got situated, Jose asked “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to pick your brain on something,” Yusuke said. Jose nodded. “As someone who is not human, do you think you’ll ever fall in love with a human?”

Jose was stunned. “Well, um, maybe?”

Yusuke sighed. “Sorry. I guess you’re still kind of young. Although, to be honest, I don’t know if your body quite matches your age.”

“What do you mean?” Jose asked.

“Well, you were created like that, right?” Yusuke asked.

“Not entirely,” Jose said. “Well, I’m not sure. I know my master created me a little over seven years ago, but my memories from then are hazy at best.”

“I see,” Yusuke said. “You do look to be about seven. Perhaps your master created you to be human like to be able to understand humans better when he did put you out. Although it does seem a bit young. But then again, you aren’t human, and you are fairly wise, so maybe he thought you were ready.”

Jose nodded. “I think so too. I mean, I learned so much from you all. Maybe my master foresaw this string of events and made me to line up with it.”

“That sounds quite romantic,” Yusuke noted.

“Romantic?” Jose wondered.

“Oh! Not as in ‘relating to love’,” Yusuke clarified. “But rather a wonderful and beautiful coincidence that transcends logic.”

“I see,” Jose said. “Well, um, what if I told you there may be someone I liked?”

Yusuke was surprised. “Do tell.”

“Well, um, remember when we met Ren’s family over the summer?” Jose asked. “Well, I kind of thought her sister was really pretty.”

“Hmmmm,” Yusuke said. “I hate to disappoint, but I don’t see that turning into anything.”

“How come?” Jose asked.

“Well, it’d be an issue if you dated someone even my age,” Yusuke said. “Let alone hers.”

“Really?” Jose said.

Yusuke nodded. “No offense, but you aren’t prepared for a relationship in the same way she would be, both mentally and physically.”

“Hmm,” Jose said. “I still have much to learn.”

“Don’t we all?” Yusuke said.

Jose chuckled. “Well, what about you? Is there someone you’re interested in?”

Yusuke was taken aback by the question. “Well, truth be told, I’m still trying to figure myself out. After everything I went through with Madarame, I’d like to see who I am outside of that.”

“I see,” Jose said.

“That said,” Yusuke continued, “I don’t think I’d be opposed to finding love in the future. Although I guess love has a way of sneaking up on you.”

“Oh yeah,” Jose said. “Didn’t Haru mention that she thought you and Futaba were a couple?”

“What are you implying?” Yusuke asked.

“Well, what do you think about her?” Jose asked.

Yusuke looked at him. “I think she’s a person with a good heart, but a difficult personality at times.” Jose chuckled. Yusuke seemed confused. “What’s so funny?”

“Forgive me,” Jose said. “But um, isn’t that like that old saying? You know? When the pot calls the kettle black!”

“How rude!” Yusuke said.

“I mean, you can’t deny it,” Jose said. “Even the people at this school are a little weary of you.”

“I’m just avant garde,” Yusuke rationalized.

“Don't you think Futaba is also a little ‘avant garde’ too?” Jose teased.

Yusuke hesitated to answer. “Perhaps.” Jose giggled. “But that doesn’t mean we deserve to be hung next to each other at the exhibit!”

“It’s just food for thought,” Jose said. “Like you said, you’re not quite ready for love, right?”

Yusuke was caught off guard by that. He composed himself. “Right. Of course.”

Jose yawned.”Well, I think I need to get back to my own room.” He got up and headed to the door. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Yusuke said. Jose left. Yusuke went and turned off the lights, and went to his bed. He was lost in thought about his and Jose’s conversation, so it took him a bit to fall asleep.

Meanwhile, Futaba was working away at her computer. Morgana decided to come in and check on her. “How’s it going?” Morgana asked.

“Hmmm,” Futaba said, looking at her finding. She turned to see Morgana . “Oh uh, sorry. Didn’t see you there.”

Morgana pouted. “You know, you need to be more aware of your surroundings.”

“Mmmm,” Futaba groaned.

“So, find anything good?” Morgana asked.

“Well,” Futaba said, “I’ve been looking to see if I can find something like Mementos in my mom’s notes. “And I came across this part about how the collective unconscious is shaped. I think it matches Mementos.”

“Alright,” Morgana said. “But what does that tell us?”

“That’s where it gets interesting,” Futaba said. “You see, mom’s notes explain that if you can tap into it, you can utilize the potential of humanity.”

Morgana grew alarmed. “So, if whoever stole your mom’s notes…”

“That’s what I was thinking,” Futaba said. “I think whoever stole the notes is trying to harness that power. Hence the wall of water, and the principal’s diving suit.”

“Hmmm,” Morgana pondered. “I don’t know if they’re taking into account Eris and her distorting Mementos.”

“From what I understand, Eris threw a wrench into everyone’s plans,” Futaba said.

“True,” Morgana replied. “Well, it sounds like you’re making breakthroughs left and right.”

“Yeah,” Futaba said. “But I don’t know how much more I can get out of my mom’s notes. I’ve poured over them like a dozen times.”

“Well then,” Morgana said, “switching topics: How do you really feel about Boss dating again?”

Futaba was surprised.”I mean, it’s fine. Do I wish he was still dating my mom? Yes, but she’s…” She took a deep breath. “If Sojiro’s happy I’m happy. Besides, Kokoro seems nice.”

Morgana smiled. “Sorry. I know it can’t be easy. I just wanted to make sure you’re OK.”

Futaba welled up a little. She hugged Morgana tightly. “Thanks Mona.”

Morgana was stunned. “Gentler…” he asked.

“Heh heh, sorry,” Futaba apologized. She eased up on her grip.

Morgana smiled. “Thanks.” Morgana cuddled into her and started purring.

Haru arrived home. Her servants prepared dinner for her. She sat down and started eating. As she started eating, she realized just how alone she felt. Sure, she was distant with her father, but there were times when he did listen to her. With just her, it felt truly isolating.

She knew she wasn’t alone. She had her servants, but as kind as they were, they were her servants, so it’d feel like a slight abuse of power to force them to keep her company when she held power over them. She had her new friends, but most of them needed to relax as much as she did, maybe even moreso. As for the few who weren’t, she wasn’t as familiar with them.

She did have one more option: Hiroki. She knew he’d listen if she called. She took out her phone, but was frozen in nerves. She had made a grand gesture of telling him she wasn’t interested in the kind of relationship he wanted. This felt like she might be trying to lead him on. She wasn’t sure if she should or shouldn’t call to alleviate her loneliness.

Just then, the phone rang. Much to Haru’s surprise, it was Hiroki. She picked up. “Hiroki?”

“Ah, Haru!” Hiroki replied. “Listen, I just wanted to see how you were doing? I mean, I respect what you said, but I mean, I still want to be friends, and, well, we haven’t talked in a while I mean, I guess I’ve been busy with student council stuff too, but…”

Haru chuckled. “It’s fine. I’ve been busy too. I’m trying to figure out what’s going to happen with my father’s company and my place in it.”

“Well,” Hiroki said, “isn’t it your company now?”

Haru was surprised. She hadn’t thought about it like that before. “Well, it is a little more complicated than that, but I suppose technically it is.”

“Right,” Hiroki said. “Well I’m sure you’ll figure it out. After everything that’s happened, I know you can handle it.”

Haru placed her hand over her mouth and silently cried. She smiled. “Thank you.”

“Heh heh. Of course,” Hiroki said.

Haru nodded to herself. “So, um, how are you doing?”

“Ah, you know, same ol’, same ol’,” Hiroki answered. “My brother’s been even more of a jerk ever since your father called the engagement off.”

“Are you alright?” Haru said, alarmed.

“I mean, I’ve been doing my best to avoid him,” Hiroki informed her. “Being part of the student council helps with that. But I can’t wait for the moment I can leave, you know?”

“It is a little weird he’s still there to be honest,” Haru said.

“Well, when you have no real skills outside of being the son of a famous politician, it makes sense,” Hiroki retorted. They shared a chuckle. “Well, I should get to bed. It was nice talking with you.”

“It was nice talking with you as well,” Haru said. “Good night, Hiroki.”

“Good night,” Hiroki replied. He hung up. Haru then looked around. After talking with Hiroki, she became aware that this house was hers. She proceeded to think about what she could do to change the house to suit her better. She decided to sleep on it, since she was tired after the palace.

Lena arrived home, and ate dinner with her mom. After dinner, she went up to her room and decided to give Akechi a call. He answered “Hello?”

“Oh, sorry,” Lena said. “Did I wake you?”

“It’s fine,” Akechi said. “What’s up?”

“Well…” Lena said, a little hesitantly.

“Are you still worried about our future?” Akechi asked.

“I mean, a little,” Lena answered. “But right now, I’m a little worried about you.”

“Well that’s..odd…” Akechi answered.

“I mean,” Lena continued, “I don’t know everything about where the investigation into The Phantom Thieves is. But I can’t help but feel like it might get even more hectic..”

“Are you suggesting I stop?” Akechi wondered.

“No! Of course not,” Lena protested. “I’m just saying it might be in your best interest to be a bit cautious is all.”

“I’ll be fine,” Akechi said. “I’ve got everything under control.”

Lena smiled. “I just want to be sure. I don’t want our future to be ruined by some twist of fate.”

Akechi paused. “Very well. I’ll be more careful going forward.”

Lena smiled. “Thanks.”

“Of course,” Akechi said. He yawned.

Lena chuckled. “I guess I should let you get back to sleep.” Good night.”

“Good night,” Akechi said. “And take care.”

“You too,” Lena replied. She hung up. She frowned. She couldn’t tell Akechi the real reason she wanted him to be careful. She didn’t know what to expect if he found out she was a Phantom Thief. And as much as she knew about the metaverse and Eris, she doubted that Akechi would believe it.

Akechi was lying too. While he said he’d ease off, he knew he had to keep his nose to the grindstone. If his plan were to come to fruition, he needed to guarantee that no one else could interfere. He sighed. “You know I’d listen if it were anything else,” Akechi muttered, “but like you said, I don’t want our future to be ruined either.”

Makoto got home to see Eiko watching some TV. Eiko turned her head. “Oh, it’s you. I was worried what would happen if your sister came home and you weren’t here.”

Makoto smirked. “It’s fine. Sis usually works late.”

“Well, c’mon, have a seat,” Eiko invited. Makoto took her up on that offer, and sat next to her. Eiko snuggled up to her. Makoto reared back. Eiko was confused

Makoto sighed. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’d be all for it, but I’m just exhausted.”

Eiko was stunned. “Does Phantom Thieving always leave you exhausted?”

“You have no idea,” Makoto replied.

Eiko turned the TV off. “Well, I’ve got just the thing!”

“Oh?”

Eiko nodded. She stood up, grabbed Makoto’s hands, and helped stand her up. “Follow me.” She led Makoto into her room.

Makoto was blushing. “Um, like I said…”

“No no, silly,” Eiko replied. “Lie down on your front.”

“Um, OK?” Makoto said. She did as she was told, laying on her stomach.

Eiko rolled her sleeves up. “My boss at the hostess club taught us how to massage people.”

“I see,” Makoto said.

“It’s very handy,” Eiko said. “I do it to my friends all the time. Usually after gym, or if they’re having a rough day.”

“Hm,” Makoto replied, impressed.

“You’ll be feeling better in no time,” Eiko said. “Just hold still.” Eiko positioned herself, and then started massaging Makoto.

As she was getting massaged, Makoto started feeling better. “Oh. Oh! Oh my goodness…”

“Just let it all out,” Eiko said. She continued massaging Makoto.

Once she was done, Makoto sat up. “Woah! I feel refreshed. I have to say, you’re quite good.”

“Hm hm, thanks,” Eiko giggled. She walked her fingers across Makoto’s leg and torso before booping her nose. “So…?”

“Er, I’m not THAT refreshed,” Makoto said. Eiko pouted. “But I will snuggle up on the couch with you if you still want to do that.”

“Eh,” Eiko said. “I’ll take that as a win.” They went back out into the living room to watch some TV, and relax in each other’s embrace.”

Meanwhile, at Sumire’s place, Ren was sat up on the couch in the living room wrapped in a blanket. Sumire walked in, carrying a tray with two cups. She sat down next to Ren, setting the tray on a nearby table. “Here,” Sumire said, passing Ren one of the cups. “I know you're more of a coffee person, but I think some tea will help you relax.”

Ren grabbed the tea cup. “Thanks.” She took a sip. “Ah.” Sumire smiled back, taking her own cup, and sipping it. She gently placed herself against Ren. “So,is this what we’re doing?”

“Pretty much,” Sumire said. “If you’d like, we can watch a movie or something.”

“Anything in mind?” Ren asked.

“Well…” Sumire thought. “Oh! You know what I haven’t seen in a while?” Ren raised her eyebrow. “The Sailor Crescent movie!” Ren was shocked. “Hm? Something the matter?”

Ren got a little embarrassed. “Oh, uh, it’s nothing. It’s just that, well, um, Sailor Crescent was my…you know…awakening.”

Sumire was stunned for a second, but smiled and said “Wanna know a secret? Mine too.”

Ren was intrigued. “Really?”

Sumire nodded. “I liked the girls, but also The Masked Suit was really handsome too.”

“Eh. I beg to differ,” Ren said, jokingly. They shared a chuckle, and Sumire got the movie and put it on.

Meanwhile, Sae finished what she could, and then she left her office. Riko greeted her as she left. “Excellent work today in court.”

Sae smiled. “Thanks.” They stared at each other somewhat awkwardly. “Say, have you ever thought about what laws you’d enact if you were in charge?”

Riko was surprised. “Eh heh, where is this coming from?”

“I’m just thinking out loud,” Sae said. “It’s something I’ve thought of from time to time.”

“I see,” Riko said. “Well, I can’t say anything comes to mind straight away.” This was not entirely true, but she wasn’t ready to tell Sae what laws she’d change. Or rather, she’d at least want to wait until Sae was fully herself again.

“Hm,” Sae responded. “Well, I sometimes think that if you get to the head of the line in a restaurant or coffee shop, you have to order in 20 seconds or less, or go back to the line.”

“Oh!” Riko said, surprised by the banality. “Oh, like that…”

Sae was caught off guard, and a little embarrassed. “Well, I mean… Obviously there's a lot of bigger, more important stuff to fix. But like, for fun.”

“Right…” Riko said, now also embarrassed. “Well, um, I do think it should be a crime to complain about the smell of durian without tasting it.”

Sae was surprised. “Is it really that good?”

“Well, it depends on how you prepare it,” Riko answered. “Although I guess it’s the same for all foods.”

“Is there a food you don’t like?” Sae asked.

“Hmmmm,” Riko thought. “Well, hmmm. I haven’t had it in a while, but I don’t like plain rice.” Sae was confused. “Like, I’ll eat it in a curry, or with some meat and sauce mixed in. But not plain.”

“I guess that goes to show how much you like food, huh,” Sae remarked.

“Eh heh,” Riko laughed, embarrassed again. “What about you? Is there any food you don’t like?”

Sae looked disappointed in herself. “Green peppers.”

Riko was intrigued. “Really?”

Sae nodded. She sighed. “It’s the last habit of mine that I haven’t kicked from childhood.”

Riko stood up, took Sae’s hand, and assured her “It’s OK not to like things. And It’s OK to hold on to parts of your childhood. It just shows that you’re human.”

Sae smiled. “Thanks.” She took a deep breath. “I think I need to head home. Between the trial and the Phantom Thieves, I feel exhausted.”

Riko let go. “I understand.”

Sae smiled at her. “You always do. I like that about you.” Riko was surprised, and blushed. “Seeya.” Sae started walking out.

Riko was still a little flustered, but managed to get out “Bye!” Sae waved at her. Riko smiled. She sighed, and prepared to go home herself.

Later in the evening, Sojiro got a phone call. “Hello?”

“Hey,” Shinichi said. “Um, this is Sumire’s father. It seems like Ren needed a break, so Sumire brought her here to help relax, and, well, they kind of fell asleep watching a movie.” He turned to look at them, nestled into each other.

“I see…” Sojiro said. “I was told as much. Do you want me to swing by and pick Ren up?”

“That’d be nice,” Shinichi said. He gave him his address. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Sojiro said. “I’m on my way. He hung up, and started making his way to pick up Ren.

Meanwhile, Shinichi got a closer look at the sleeping couple.He smiled, took out his phone, and snapped a picture.

[skrunksthatwunk]

GRAHAHHH I FIRGOT AND THIS REMINDED ME BUT LIKE YK THAT THING BOTAN SAYS EARLY ON THAT YUSUKE GETS MAD TO MASK/NOT FEEL/NOT PROCESS HIS FEAR?? KUWA DOES THAT FOR HIS SORROW A LOTTA THE TIME GRRRGHRGRGRGGRHH

also YEAH yusuke saying that ur first babeyy shit IMMEDIATELY after proposing to keiko is so fuckign. i really do think she should dump his ass it'd be so funny and also kinda rough

BUT YOUR THING ABOUT THE KUWAMESHI DIVORCE (jfgdks) NECESSITY IS SO TRUE IM FUCKING LOSING IT BC THATS WHAT IVE BEEN THINKING. WHEN YUSUKE DIES A SECOND TIME KUWA KINDA HAS TO BACK OFF AND BECOME HIS OWN PERSON BY NOT FOLLOWING YUSUKE AND BY PURSUING HIS OWN GOALS/SELF IMPROVEMENT ALONE. IT'S ABOUT FACING HIS FEAR OF BEING WITHOUT YUSUKE AND BECOMING A SEPARATE SECURE PERSON. AND YUSUKE DISTANCING HIMSELF IS ABOUT PROTECTING OTHERS FROM HIM BC HE VIEWS HIMSELF AS BAD (a lot like hiei actually) BUT IT'S ALSO FOR SURE BECAUSE HE CAN'T STAND REJECTION (also a lot like hiei but that's another story) ESPECIALLY FROM THE FEW PPL HE TRUSTS. HE IS FRAGILE OKAY.

BUT I DIDNT REMEMBER HOW UPSET KUWA WAS BY YUSUKE LEAVING LIKE HE'S OUT OF HIS MIND FURIOUS HEARTBROKEN ETC. like he doesn't even consider following yusuke to hell this time but he's devastated when yusuke won't stick around for him. yusuke's always leaving and kuwabara's always running after him and finally kuwa puts his foot down and stays and it sucks so hard. but that's why yusuke says he's coming back. not to wait for him, bc he's doing his own shit, but like.. listen compare it to keiko where he's trying to not get dumped. he's asking for her to wait (again) for him and put her life (specifically her love life) on hold until he can be there for her. but with kuwa his plans for the next 3 years aren't romantic or tied to yusuke, and yusuke thus cheers him on and promises to return not to keep him hooked, but like.. bc he cares about him and doesn't want him to feel abandoned. he encourages him to be his own person this way, and to excel in something yusuke never could. it's a challenge to improve themselves. it's a challenge to improve their relationship. when i/you come back, you better have become something spectacular and singular. GUH im actually such a sucker for codependence -> healthy relationship via distance arcs you never see them but YEHA. anyway they both force this bc they need to work some shit out basically.

one thing to note is that yusuke's chosen purpose for living, for fighting, for everything, is his friends. to be there for them and protect them. he dies for others twice. he is motivated to grow by, often, the loss of others. yusuke is also overly dependent on his friends to an extent, both as a reason to keep living and as an identity, like kuwabara is, although kuwa's is much more centrally focused on yusuke. i think yusuke leaving is partially because of that. he needs to figure out who he is without worrying about hurting or protecting anyone else (or about the rejection that would come from proving to them once and for all that he's an irredeemable monster). they're in danger around him bc of raizen's ability to possess him and because of his new powers/experiences and the unknowns surrounding that. but i think a lot of it is a similar journey of figuring out who he is on his own. and neither of them are really doing it for each other, exactly. because of them, partially, but not for them, because if that was the only thing they'd stay together because that's easiest.

and this way when they come back after three years they've grown enough to be way more fucking normal about each other. not with that as the goal per se, which might have defeated the purpose, but as a happy side effect. and then they get a big fat gay wedding

anyway yusuke needs kuwabara bc he needs someone who's seen the worst of him and who hasn't known him all his life and is still ride or die for him (battling the rejection stuff) and kuwabara needs yusuke because he needs some direction in his life via a challenge/rivalry and then it goes too far and his entire identity becomes linked to yusuke such that he's not a mountain but like. a part of him. so he needs him to be something, to be a person worth anything both via the self improvement via narrative of overcoming adversity via rivals that he initially meant to get from their relationship (imo) AND to take his mind off all the ways he's (to the world and himself) a screw up with no future. and then they don't see each other for three years and they kinda reset a bit and realign and can match each other less painfully now. yeah 👍

but yeah it's good for their relationship but also FUCKING. OW

this could be kuwameshi if you guys would like. take my hand and trust me

[headcanonstation]

Phantom Thieves S/O has palace

Ren Amamiya

Breaks his heart to find you have a Palace

Ren figures it out because of how you may have been acting. That or curiously getting to him to put your name in the nav

Apologies in advance, he isn’t gonna be reaching out too often as he’ll be putting way too much focus into preparing to infiltrate 

During this time there will be no Mementos trips 

If he can help it, there won’t be a day they aren’t going in until your Palace is taken down

Though for him personally, he doesn’t care how tired he may be. He is gonna go in

Odds are its getting dealt with in about a day or really close to that

It does kind of scare him on the why you have a Palace

What gets to him is he feels like he should have seen the signs. Feels like that maybe he could have prevented it or at least curb the development of it

Exploring the place is the actual worst to him he isn’t having a very good time

Ren will be kind of more quiet while in the Palace. Looking more focused

But he may be a little more “impatient” as it were

Ren really, really does not like running into your shadow

Has fingers crossed they don’t have to fight your shadow, but if they do he is gonna hate it

Gonna act as more of a support unit if they do have to fight said shadow

Regardless if you know he is a phantom thief or not, he is gonna write the calling card. And he is gonna drop it off to you. {In your mailbox, locker, under your door. Etc. He isn't going to directly hand it to you, again regardless if you know of him being a phantom thief}

Ryuji Sakamoto

The thought never occurs to him, almost believing it be absolutely impossible for you to have one

He is not gonna be the one to put your name in, regardless if he notices you being off your A-game. Someone else is gonna be doing it

Ryuji can’t help but wonder why you have one. Again, he found it be impossible for you to ever have one. So he is pretty curious as to why it happened

Whatever the reason is for the development of the Palace, he swears he is gonna knock it out of the park

He definitely gets impatient during infiltrations and downtimes

Kind of becomes pretty prone to getting into trouble and pushing forward which results in his friends going “oi slow down”

Also becomes a little more impatient 

Unlike Ren, Ryuji becomes more talkative during the exploration. Asking things like if they are closer, if Mona can sense the treasure, where exactly they are, what is the next course of action- you get me

He seems to have an “easier” time powering through any exhaustion he is having and practically demands to be on the frontlines at all times

Makes sure all his hits, hits harder

He has a huge need to know what your treasure is, further adding to his impatience

Will write the calling card, with help from Makoto

If you know he is a phantom thief {yeah,,,,,,"if"}, he hand delivers the card to you

If they have to fight your shadow, Ryuji does okay. He doesn't do the absolute best and his attacks may actually miss a lot

Ann Takamaki

She immediately has a need to know if anyone is connected to you having a Palace

She just wants to talk

Ann is a lot like Ryuji where she did not enter your name in the Nav, not wanting to see an answer at all pop up. The only difference is she knew it could be a possibility. It was not impossible to her if you had one- just unlikely 

Ann can’t help but think about the what if of the thieves finding you in Mementos. Able to stop you there and prevent a Palace from developing further

She just finds herself thinking how she could have helped prevent this, if at all. Playing scenarios in her head of helping you before it got this bad

But this is no time to wonder, this is the time to help you

Inside the Palace, she doesn’t act far too differently. Outside of it though, she becomes kind of pushy to go into the Palace

When it comes to you, she finds herself trying to spend time with you- more than usual

She doesn't like the Mementos trips during the time where you still have a Palace. While it's nice to help other people- you need her help right now

No matter what your Shadow is like, she swears she is gonna take them down

She promises to herself that no matter how much it hurts her, she isn't going to hold back on your shadow. After all, it's not exactly easy to attack something that resembles/represents you

Really would rather not see the calling card at all

Yusuke Kitagawa

His first thoughts are the fears that its alike to Madarame’s

He isn’t sure he can handle that

As such, he is pretty nervous about the whole thing

Upon finding out though its nothing like that, if anything more like Futaba’s, brings him a wave of relief

If he were to be honest, being in your Palace frustrates him

Not only does it frustrate him, but it hurts him. Especially as they go further and further into their exploration

You don’t deserve to have to be dealing with this and the burden this thing probably brings to you

Kind of like Ryuji, he just thought nothing like this would come to pass for you. At least, so as long as he was there with you

During the Palace, he is more reserved

A lot like Ann, he is kind of pushy with going into the Palace. Not nearly as much as Ann, but it’d be a lie to say he doesn’t at all try to push Ren into going in sooner

Seeing your Shadow actually angers him, more than anything. Because this isn’t you, but a distorted version of the person he cares about

But Yusuke remains relatively calm

During downtimes while they aren’t in the Palace, he will be trying to seek you out and keep you company- regardless if you know what is going on

Insists to be the one to write the calling card, there are no exceptions 

I would argue he is one of the more aggressive thieves when it comes to fighting your shadow. He holds absolutely nothing back and is ready to fight

This isn’t you and he wants to get rid of your shadow as fast as possible

Makoto Niijima

She audibly gasps

However, she can’t bring herself to bring it up for a short bit. Its not that she doesn’t want to, but it becomes more real whenever it is she mentions it

She ends up bringing it up after seeing you again and again. Knowing the toll a Palace can take on a person, she knows she can’t just ignore it

Part of her wonders if she is any part of the cause. She hopes not, but it worries her that what if she plays a part in your Palace

She tries to remain composed both in and out of the Palace, trying not to show any signs of struggling with the idea of it

When around you, she gets kind of awkward 

She’ll promise to you that she will be there for you, through thick and thin. Which to you may come out of nowhere, but Makoto feels a need to say it

Its when Makoto sees your shadow that it really, really hits her about the situation

Still, she tries to remain composed but internally she is just having a marathon if emotions

Makoto helps in creating the calling card and will hand it off to you should you know of her being a phantom thief

If not she will put it in a normal envelope and give it to you, saying simply it was addressed to you and not much else

Maybe even sneak it into a book your reading or in your locker

Fighting your shadow at first will have her be a deer in the headlights, but her friends will snap her out of it

Which will help her find new strength when it comes to taking down your shadow

Futaba Sakura

Curiosity kills the cat, and it killed Futaba upon entering your name in the nav

She figured if anything popped up, it would be just be a Mementos trip. Not something as extreme as a Palace

Her first thought was how long have you had this?

Futaba first brings it up to Ren before anyone else

She knows this is more of a personal Palace to take care of, but they have to help you

She had one of these things and she’ll be damned if she lets this go ignored

Futaba admittedly would rather it just be her and Ren, again seeing as this is more personal. However, this is a little more extreme than a simple field trip to Mementos, so that isn’t a viable option

Her nature ends up very serious, focused and a little hurt. She won't have snarky comments to hand out. She won’t really have any upbeat cheer in her voice either

Futaba is going to be going overdrive to help the thieves get rid of the Palace faster

Will be more subtle in pushing the idea of going into the Palace during downtimes. She isn’t going to be aggressive in it, more so just making it clear she would really like to get back in asap

She wishes she could do more while they are exploring the place

During time outside the Palace she will be in constant contact with you. Asking if your okay, if anything happened, if you need to talk, etc

Seeing your shadow will kind of have her wince, but outside of that it only fuels her further to steal your treasure

She doesn’t do anything when it comes to the calling card. She just demands to see it before it sent to you

Haru Okumura

She’s ready to go guns blazing just say the word

Haru would probably be the most worried when it came to the whole Palace infiltration

After all, last time they did this with someone she cared about they kinda died

So yeah she is a little on edge on the that “what if” even though she knows it wasn’t their fault

Regardless of her unease though, she’ll put her best face forward and try to remain optimistic 

There may be times during the Palace where she lets her emotions get to her

At first she was worried of what your Palace was and why it even existed. You weren’t a bad person,  so why in the world do you have one of these?

Honestly, overall you could be forgiven thinking she wasn’t too anxious about the whole thing. Because on the outside she doesn’t seem too bothered, but trust me she is having a time internally

She vows to herself they are going to take care of this for you and she is not going to let anything bad happen to you from this infiltration. She swears it

Seeing your shadow doesn’t seem to do anything to her, if anything it prompts her to try and further figure out the why question

Haru requests if she can give you the card, especially if you know she is a thief. Regardless, she promises things will work out

She is merciless when it comes to fighting your shadow? Way more than what anyone was expecting from her?

[kareofbears]

margin of error

Sophia knows a lot, but that does not mean she understands much of anything at all.

Or, Sophia struggles to grasp why Akira and Ryuji don't follow her predictive algorithm.

read on ao3 or below the cut :)

Sophia knows a lot.

She can tell you almost anything in the known world in an instant. Calculate the radius of the sun. Who won Best Picture three years ago. The outfit to wear when you need to 'dress to impress.' Just yesterday, she was able to find them a bath, a takoyaki restaurant, and an overnight camping site within 0.3 milliseconds. That’s not very many seconds.

Sophia knows a lot, but that does not mean she understands much of anything at all.

She’s quiet while she’s propped on the phone stand, watching the rest of them lounge in the RV. There’s a shape to the interior that wasn’t there before—where it had been pristine when they had first gotten it, now it’s littered with crumbs and instant-food packaging despite Makoto’s half-hearted attempts at scolding them for it. Empty surfaces are filled with knick-knacks, stuffies and a plastic ramen bowl rattling gently along with the RV.

There’s a rare lull amongst them, a moment of quiet. Most of them were napping away the road, gently snoring and bodies jostling whenever a pothole hits, oblivious to the scenery that passes by. Only the soft tunes of pop music from the front and the hum of the engine broke the quiet.

Other than Makoto, there were only two people awake: Akira, scribbling in his journal, and Ryuji, watching him do it. They sat across from each other in the booth, with Ryuji’s chin propped against his hand.

Probability and pinpoint accuracy is what she excels at, and being able to apply them to her friends excites her. Not to mention, she hasn’t been wrong yet.

Idly, she runs the numbers—according to the data she’s collected from spending time with them, the silence will be broken by Ryuji within approximately two minutes. Pulling up a time from within Akira’s phone, she waits eagerly.

A minute passes, and then another. And another. Akira is still scribbling in his neat penmanship and Ryuji is still watching him doing it, unspeaking.

Frowning, she double-checks her calculations. No errors that she can see. It seems that he simply does not want to speak. This is surprising, and very unlike him. He is not usually this quiet. In the Metaverse, he is by far the loudest of them; calling on his Persona’s name can often leave her own ears ringing.

The real world does not stray from that data. His voice is clear in crowded areas, helpful in guiding their big group throughout bustling cities. He is often shushed by the girls when they are trying to sleep at night—Futaba even goes as far as to kick the ceiling from her bunk bed.

The data is strong and sure. There should not be a reason that she should be wrong in this assumption unless there’s a confounding variable that she had missed.

Akira looks up and catches his eye. “Am I boring you?” he asks quietly.

Ryuji shakes his head, grinning. “Couldn’t be happier,” he whispers back.

Sophia’s about to ask when Makoto cuts her off.

“Wake up everyone. We’re here.”

—

“Okay,” Akira calls. His voice isn’t raised, despite the crowded street of downtown Sendai, but they all straighten up. “We’re probably not going to spend too much time here, especially once we take over the Jail. Grab what you need now—snacks for the trip. Shopping. Souvenirs. Frozen pineapple. Any questions?” Yusuke raises his hand. “Yes, I’ll pay for you.” The hand falls back down, relieved.

“Cool. How about we meet back here…” he squints at the large clock hanging on the wall, hand blocking out the blaring sun. “In an hour?”

A chorus of agreements rolls through them as they rush out, excited to explore a new city. “Good speech,” Sophia pipes up from his hand. “Do you do them often?”

“I try not to,” he yawns. His thick black hair is even more unruly than usual, glasses barely hiding the light blue that’s beginning to form underneath his eyes. “Most of the time, they can handle themselves fine. All they need is a schedule and some rules to work with.”

When she doesn’t answer, Akira brings his phone up. “What? Did I say something?”

“It’s because she’s worried about you, you moron,” a disgruntled voice says.

Akira’s gaze flickers towards it. “You’re still here?”

“Of course I am,” Ryuji says. “You really think I’d leave without saying goodbye? Glad I didn’t either, cause you look like shit.”

“Thanks.”

“Still pretty, though. No worries about that part.” He shoves his hand deep in his pocket, stray yen clinking against each other as he rummages. After a moment, he throws something at Akira. “Catch.”

He plucks it out from the air with ease. “Car keys?” he asks, surprised.

“Grabbed them from Makoto before she ran off for stationery shopping.” Ryuji reaches forward, gently turning Akira’s head this way and that, frowning. “I told you to quit staying up so late. You’re exhausted.”

“I am not.”

“He is,” Sophia refutes. “Last night, he had approximately four hours of sleep, with only four minutes of that being REM sleep.”

“I told you. She’s even bringing up computer stuff now.”

“I think you are thinking about RAM, Ryuji.”

“Whatever,” he shakes his head. “Look, just head to the RV, get some shut-eye. You can finally sleep in a proper bed that isn’t an overheating tent with three sweaty dudes and a cat. Oh, and trade phones with me.”

He hands it over without hesitation, sliding Ryuji’s phone into his own pocket. “Why?”

“You have the grocery list in here, yeah? Not to mention, I don’t want Sophia getting bored while you nap it up.” He looks down at her. “Hi, by the way.”

“Hi!”

Akira still doesn’t seem convinced. “But I promised Yusuke—”

“Who’s with Ann now, shopping like they’d die if they didn’t get the perfect skirt to fit her next shoot,” he says, uncompromising. “Chill. It’s fine. We’ll survive an hour without Joker keeping an eye on us.”

They stare each other down for a long moment with Sophia watching. She does not need to run the numbers on this one; Akira will not allow himself to go back to the RV.

To her surprise, he relents. “Twenty minutes.”

Ryuji scoffs. “We’ll see about that. You suck at waking up.”

“Shut up.” And then, quieter, “Thank you.”

“You know I got your back.”

He yawns once more, slowly walking back to their car. “Sophia, please make sure that when he gets the Pocky to get the strawberry one. Futaba won’t eat anything else. And also that Haru wanted doilies to make the place look nicer. White, if you can find them.”

“Roger that,” she replies, distracted. How is she wrong again? This is troubling.

“My hoodie’s in my bag if you get cold!” Ryuji calls out. Akira throws him a thumbs up without looking back. “Jeez, that guy. He’s gonna run himself to the ground before he’s thirty, I swear. Like some geezer with a bad back but with really good hairline or something.”

An old man with a thick head of hair shoots him a glare as he passes by them. Ryuji laughs, high-pitched. “Yikes, that was awkward. Let’s get out of here, we need to hit up the grocery store before they run out of carrots.”

Sophia doesn’t answer, too deep in her thoughts and running endless calculations.

—

It’s impossible for her to get a headache, but her code is trying its best to give her one.

Two mistakes now. That isn’t allowed to happen. She’s lucky that they were both relatively small errors, but it can easily become a bigger problem. What can she do?

Luckily, that had a very simple answer.

“Ryuji?”

“Hmm?” He peels his eyes away from scrutinizing the oranges in his hands, the wires from his earphones swaying when he does. After one too many strange looks when he talks to nothing, it was just better to act like he was on a phone call. “Yeah?”

“I have a question.”

“What am I, a teacher?” he snorts. “If you got a question, go ahead. Friends can do that.”

That’s right. They’re friends, and friends have trust in one another. Sophia jotted that down as lesson number forty-eight, thirteen days ago.

“Okay,” she says. Questions float around her, and she picks the one that’s giving her the most stress. “If I was not as useful as you think I am, would we still remain friends?”

The orange tumbles out of his grip, and he rushes to catch it before it hits the ground. “Wha—!” he stutters out. “Duh! Obviously! What the—where the hell did that come from? Did we do something to think that we’d just ditch you like that?” he lifts the phone so that she was eye-level with him. “Be honest,” he says seriously, quickly. “Did I say something to hurt your feelings? I do that sometimes, and I’m working on it, and I know that’s no excuse—”

“You did not say anything to hurt my feelings,” she says before he spirals even further. “In fact, I do not have feelings for you to hurt.”

Relief blooms on his expression, and he sags his body against the fruit display. “Okay, good. Good. Thought I was gonna get a heart attack. I’d be pissed at myself if I did, and I just know Akira would give me so much shit.” He sighs, ridding himself of panic before giving him her full attention. “So what’s up?

“Sir…” an employee shuffles towards them, hands shaking knees knocking against each other. He is afraid, she notes, but of what? “I’m sorry, but it’s against store policy to lean on the product. Please try to understand.”

“Oh, shoot!” Ryuji exclaims, straightening up. “Sorry, man. I didn’t even realize. I think I squished an orange, but I’ll buy it so your boss doesn’t give you hell for that one.”

The employee blinks. “You would?” he says, shocked. “That would be great, actually. Thank you so much!”

“Don’t sweat it,” he waves it off. Tugging the shopping cart, he places Sophia where they’d normally put babies. “Hope he doesn’t get in trouble. I feel kinda bad.”

She thinks for a moment. “Ryuji, why was that man afraid?”

Swiftly, red rushes to his cheeks. “That obvious? Aw, man.”

“I don’t know if it was obvious, but all the signs were there,” she says, watching as he ducks his head, embarrassed. “What is happening? I do not understand.”

“It’s just—” his eyes shift sideways, meeting the eye of a young girl. Immediately, she directs her gaze downwards. “I look really scary to people.”

“You do?” It isn’t in her program to doubt, but she is rather skeptical. During the entire trip, he has been nothing but kind to her. Yes, there are times when he has arguments with others in the group, but more often than not it’s him that’s being teased rather than the other way around. “Why? You aren’t even that tall.”

“Ouch?”

“I’m just saying that you are not scary to me, so I don’t really understand why other people would be.”

He sighs, picking up a box of miso unseeingly. “It’s a combination of a lot of things. My hair’s bleached, and people usually see that as like, punk or whatever. My posture sucks and my voice is loud.” Shrugging, he throws it in the cart. “It doesn’t really bug me though. At least that means strangers usually don’t bother the group, cause they think I’ll kick their ass.”

“And would you?” Sophia crosses off miso. Only bandages are left on the list, but the cart is filled with snacks, sodas, and a small cactus. “‘Kick their ass?’”

“No way. If I did, my mom would kick my ass, and I can’t pull that shit twice in a lifetime.” Pushing the cart, they slowly meander through the aisles, occasionally looking at what’s on sale. Ryuji tosses in rainbow marshmallows, and after a moment, reluctantly puts it back.

“But you know,” he says eventually. “If someone was bothering the group, it’s not as if I’d just let it happen.”

She considers his answer. “You are tough,” she concludes. “But not scary.”

“Uh, yes,” he says, unsure. And then, with more conviction, “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

“Got it. ‘Ryuji is tough, but other people are terrified of him.’ I will make a note of that.” He looks like he wants to say something, but she keeps going. “Synonyms for ‘tough’: robust, stalwart, and strong. Would you say that’s accurate?”

He laughs, disbelieving. “No idea what the first two meant, but the third one isn’t right.”

“Why not? You can fight Shadows. Your muscle ratio is high. One time, when Futaba couldn’t unscrew her water bottle, you did it with no problem.”

“Because, Sophia,” Ryuji picks up gummy worms, and turns to her with pleading eyes. When she shakes her head, he puts it back on the shelf with a grimace. “Strength isn’t always about muscles and who can kill what. It’s more than that.”

It seems as though he doesn’t want to speak about this anymore, but the topic is too interesting to stop here. “Explain, please.”

“It’s...it’s like mental strength,” he says begrudgingly. “Like if someone failed an exam they studied real hard for, mental strength would help them get through a tough situation like that. Like Akira.”

“Akira has high mental strength?”

“Oh, the highest out of all of us without a doubt. The world could explode and he’d be all—” Ryuji lowers his voice by an octave. “‘Here’s what we can do,’ and then fix it somehow. That’s just the kind of guy he is. All plans and no fear.”

All plans and no fear is a good way of describing Joker. “And you aren’t like that?”

“No way. Have you ever seen me have a plan in my life? I’m more of an ‘act before I can talk myself out of it’ person. Usually works out fine in the end. Besides, he does it enough for the both of us.” His eyes light up. “Do you think if I get the panda bandages, it would work better in the Metaverse? Cause of the brain stuff?”

“I think so, as long as it makes people think it works better.”

“Great.” Ryuji tosses it in with the rest. “And I think we got everything! Let’s head out. If we’re lucky, we can grab some ice cream before we meet up with the rest of them.”

“Good job! But you may want to consider removing the orange soda. Makoto is already unhappy with how much junk food you are always eating.”

“Fine. I’m keeping the cactus though.”

It was only when they’re all sleeping back in the RV when she realizes that she never got to ask him her actual question. Actually, she ended up with even more questions than when she began.

Maybe she’ll have better luck asking Akira instead.

—

They, or rather Akira, have their knees buried in a patch of grass in the middle of Sapporo with a small pile of four-leaf clovers by his ankles when she decides it would be appropriate to ask him.

“Akira, can I ask—” she pauses, and tries again. “I have a question.”

His face is so close to the ground that even the dirt would realize that his glasses don’t have prescription, and people are shooting him worried looks that he completely ignores. “Shoot.”

“Actually, I have many questions, and I’m hoping you’ll answer all of them as honestly as you can in order to have the most accurate data possible.”

“Research?”

More often than not, Akira has been giving her information about the world that she does not have access to. Slang terms that Futaba yells out in frustration, Ann’s tendency to jump from one topic to the next with little regard to who she’s talking to. It’s all confusing to Sophia, so she makes sure to memorize all of these instances and bring it to him for clarification.

“Sort of,” she says. “Some of my predictions have been off lately, and I am trying to figure out why.”

“Sure. Oh, another one.” Gently, he plucks it from the soil and gently places it with the others. “For Haru. Apparently, she’s really struggling with economics, so hopefully this helps her out next semester.”

“How many more?”

“Four,” he replies. “Yusuke, Sojiro, Akane, and Ryuji.”

She frowns. “Ryuji already has one.”

“He’s going to need more than one.” Akira turns to her, distressed. “Entrance exams are coming up.”

“Oh.”

“Yup,” he turns back to his task. “Anyway, you had a question?”

“Right,” she says, clearing her throat: a sign of taking a more serious tone. “Why are you scared of Ryuji?”

Akira freezes. Sophia waits patiently. But after a moment, then two, then five, there is still no reaction from him. And then slowly, he faces her with a blank expression.

She has not known Kurusu Akira for very long—only a few weeks in fact. But in that time, she feels that she has come to learn a lot about him. For instance, he does not like pears. He also finds grocery shopping relaxing, and he would die for his friends. Another thing she has learned from him is that he is very quiet; even in the Metaverse, amidst the explosions and gunshots, he does not yell. It is not as if he has nothing to say, but rather he would rather express himself through gestures and the odd comment here and there. He is much happier to let the people around him carry the conversation for him.

Shock racks through her as he bursts out laughing. His shoulders move up and down as laughs pour out of him uncontrollably. “What—?” he tries, pushing his glasses atop his head. It’s almost hidden amongst his thick, black locks. “Did you seriously ask if I was afraid of Ryuji? Sakamoto Ryuji? Blond guy, helps out in the Metaverse? My best friend?”

“Um.” This was not what she was expecting, despite having no expectations to begin with. “Yes.”

He sighs, content. “I really have to thank you, Sophia.” Akira brings his glasses back to his nose, the corners of his mouth quirked up. “That was really good. Haven’t laughed that hard since Yusuke thought Italy was near Mexico.”

She tilts her head sideways. “I was not joking.”

“Yeah, I figured.” He sits up, crossing his legs over each other, giving her his full attention. “Tell me why you thought I was scared of him.” Even as he’s sobered up, he can’t quite finish the sentence without smiling.

“My predictions have been off lately,” she says, a wrinkle between her brows. “This is normal—predictions by their nature cannot always be right. However, I’ve noticed that they’re incorrect more often lately. I ran the data, and these errors are related to two things:” Sophia brings her hand to the screen so that he can see properly. “You and him, as a unit. Individually, there doesn’t seem to be any errors. It is specifically when you are being measured together that creates mistakes. My prognosis on everyone else in the group creates more stable and accurate results.”

Sophia twists her hair in her hands. “The only reason it would be wrong is because of a confounding variable. Maybe there’s something between the two of you that others do not have. So I thought that answer—”

“Was fear,” he finishes. There’s an odd tone in his voice that she doesn’t comprehend. His gray eyes, sharp but never unkind. “I see where you’re coming from. But, and I can swear on this fact—it isn’t fear. I am not, nor will I ever be, afraid of him.”

She deflates. Wrong again. “And he’s not afraid of you?” she asks, out of desperation than anything.

Akira thinks for a moment. “Do you remember when I was cooking, and Ryuji went in to smell the broth, and knocked the whole thing over and onto my suitcase?” She nods. She had taken many pictures of that moment. “He felt really guilty, but he wasn’t scared of my reaction. He was more scared that he had ruined my stuff. You know what I mean?”

“I think I do.”

He bops the top of his phone a few times, an odd resemblance of patting her head. “Cool.”

Sophia stares at the road past their garden of clovers. Cars speed forward, too quick for her to focus on what the driver looks like. It’s hot today, but she doesn’t feel it. She runs her data one more time. “Akira, do you love Ryuji?”

His hands do not pause. “I love all my friends,” he answers simply.

—

At the end of the day, it does not matter if her attempts at predicting the future are fruitless. If she is in fact humanity’s companion, her code makes sure of one thing above all else: to help humanity with any of their endeavors.

That’s a tall order, especially when there are 7,874,965,825 humans within that humanity at this moment. Sophia is only one being, and realism is etched into her. To make things simple, she gave herself a domain of discourse. A sample size. Narrowing what she can do, and who she can help. The entirety of humanity then, at least in Sophia’s mind, falls under the Phantom Thieves of Hearts.

Sapporo is freezing. Frosty. Crisp. Chilly.

“Fucking cold!” Ryuji shivers, jogging around them in an effort to get warm. “I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.”

“Even with the space heaters on, it seems that the winter isn’t interested in going anywhere,” Makoto says. She’s standing uncomfortably close to Ann, trying to leech off of her inherent heat. Actually, she wasn’t the only one—Haru is also inching her way to her. “It should probably get better once we start moving. Good thing we won’t be here long.”

Yusuke nods, unperturbed. “Yes, this should be a quick run. We’re just here to collect a desire gone astray, yes?” It seems that the ice does little to bother him. “Oracle, can you find its location?” No response. “Oracle?”

He glances to the ground, sighing when he finds her on the ground, eyes closed and breathing deeply. “Wake up,” he says, nudging her with his boot. When she doesn’t move, Yusuke throws an exasperated look at Akira.

Reluctantly, he nods. “Yeah, yeah, I got her,” he says, summoning Queen Mab. Instantly, the temperature seems to rise, just a little bit. Scooping her up, Akira shakes her roughly like a particularly malicious sack of flour. “Wake up, your space heater’s here.”

“This may be a quick run,” Haru says. “But it doesn’t mean we should take this any less seriously. Someone’s desire got lost on its way back, didn’t it?”

“Yeah, that sounds—Mona, get off my leg—about right.” Ann squints her eyes along the horizon. “It’s far, right? If we start moving now, we can probably work off the frost on our skin.”

“Yeah, it’s about…” Futaba yawns as Akira sets her on her feet. “Twenty-minute walk? Ten-minute run, but unless you want me slipping and turning the ice red, we’re gonna want to slow down.”

Akira touches his mask. “Agi.” A wave of heat rushes over them, and she sighs, grateful for the respite. “Hopefully that helped a little. But it won’t last long, and we shouldn’t waste energy warming up. Quick recap—someone lost their desire, we’re here to make sure it gets back. Our top priority is getting that desire back as quick as possible. Questions?”

Sophia raises her hand.

“Yup?”

“Did you say top priority?”

“Yes, I did say top priority.”

“Understood!” she chirps, making a note in her head. It was hard to concentrate when she felt like her insides were freezing up.

Another hand shoots up.

“Noir?”

“I don’t have a question. I just think you’re doing a wonderful job.”

“Thank you, Noir. Always a pleasure.” He looks around, nodding. “Alright. If that’s it, then let’s do this thing.”

They all move ahead, wary of their footing. Sophia frowns as she scuttles forward, scared of being left behind. There is no room for error here. If she feels that she is not useful in the real world, then she can at least utilize her talents here. And the first step to doing that is to make sure she is doing two things:

1) Not slow

2) Won’t trip

After a while, she looks up and feels her eyes bulge. How did they get so far already? Sophia can hardly see them anymore, especially with the slight fog that’s beginning to emerge. She has to get there faster.

Failed step number one already. For once, she’s glad she wasn’t hardcoded with emotions, or else humiliation would be overwhelming. Quickening her pace, she’s determined to do this correctly. One foot, then the next. One foot, then the next. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left—

She slips.

With a gasp, she moves to twist her body so that it wasn’t her head that would take the impact, and closes her eyes shut.

Just before she slams into the ice, arms grab her torso, swinging her forward. “Whoa there, shorty!”

Ryuji uses the momentum to swing her onto his back, and she latches around her neck, bewildered. “You okay? Almost got knocked out before any Shadow got to us.”

“Yes,” she replies, breathless. “Thank you for saving me. That would have been bad.”

“No prob!” he marches onward as if he wasn’t carrying an entire human being on his back while treading through sleet.

“...You can settle me down if you’d like.”

“I would not like.” He grins, boots finding matte ice with ease. “I kinda love carrying you like this. Not like I can do this in the real world, can I? ‘Sides, Futaba would chew my head off if I tried it with her.”

“Have you?”

“Maybe.”

She laughs as they finally reconvene with the rest of them. When Akira turns to them, his expression softens with relief. “All good?”

“All good,” Ryuji says. “Nothing Sophie and I can’t handle.” He raises his fist at her, and she bumps it enthusiastically. Lesson twenty-three: never refuse a fist-bump. It’s one of her favorites.

“Stop, stop, stop, stop!” Futaba calls out from beside Ann, arms were linked as if they were strolling through a park, and not a Shadow-infested land. “I said stop!”

“We heard you the first time!” Morgana yowls. “Are we here?”

“We’re close. Kinda weird though.” She smacks the side of her goggles a few times impatiently. “Nothing’s showing up.”

“Lucky!” Ann whoops. “Let’s get this over with and get some gelato!”

Rounding the corner of an empty street, Yusuke points forward to a glowing heart, beating in time to its pulsing light. “That’s it, I take it?”

“I can get it.” Sophia pats Ryuji’s shoulder, and he lets her down. “That way, we can finish this as soon as possible.”

She runs forward, eager.

“Wait—!” Futaba cries out from behind her. “We’re getting ambushed!”

As she says it, footsteps surround them, the clanging of weapons and the grunts of Shadows appearing out of nowhere. She starts to run faster, terrified of slipping but pushes on anyway. She can do this.

“Shit,” Akira hisses. “Sophie, come back here!”

Sophia ignores him, the Desire almost in her reach when she feels it. A cold breeze, impossibly colder than the temperature before, almost seems to pierce through her skin. She did not need to turn around to know what it was—every cell in her body is screaming it for her.

A curse. A strong one that would have no problem wiping her out like fly on the RV’s windshield wiper.

Would she at least be able to save the Desire? Even if she ceases to exist? Would it be worth it then? It should be, since this is what she was made for.

Something solid shoves her from behind, and she gives out a yell before hitting the ground, hard.

“What…?” she mutters, disoriented. Somehow, she isn’t dead, or even near death. Shaking her head, she grasps for the Desire in front of her before turning around.

Instantly, her heart stops. The Desire in her hand continues to pulse steadily as she stares down at Ryuji, collapsed on the ground.

“Skull?” she whispers. Leaning down, she can still hear his breathing, though it’s faint. Her hand reaches out, before she remembers. Top priority. The Desire needs to get to Joker first.

The ground begins to rumble, and Sophia looks up in time to see an arch of glowing white explode. Every Shadow is eviscerated, their ashes scattering violently at the aftershock of wind that follows from the impact. Concrete cracks, snow blows away. Without a doubt, it’s an attack from a Persona user, but she has no idea who it came from.

As the dust settles, stray bits of ice falling from the sky like hail, Akira shoots out from the fog. He’s moving faster than she’s ever seen him, and there’s a desperation to his movements that throws her off-guard. Maybe he didn’t see yet? Sophia steps forward.

“Joker!” she calls out when he gets closer, thrusting her hand forward. “I got the Desire!”

He rushes past her without a blink.

Akira skids to his knees. “Ryuji!” When there’s no answer, he pulls Ryuji to his knees, resting his head on his lap. Akira presses his fingers against the pulse on his neck, concentrating intensely. Then he grits his teeth. “I can work with this.”

More footsteps. Familiar ones. “Dammit, Joker!” Morgana says. “You can’t just throw around attacks like that, especially with such weak enemies. You know how draining that spell is.”

He ignores him. Akira removes Ryuji’s mask with great care, setting it aside, before touching his own. “Aid me, Sarasvati.”

“Joker?” she tries.

A floating woman donned in green with a delicate instrument in her long fingertips appeared from the fibers of his mask, her expression kind and tender.

“Joker.”

Healing power flows through his hands, so potent that it glows green. Sweat pours from his brow, and his wrist begins to tremble with effort.

“Joker!”

“What, Sophie?” he rounds on her, gray eyes intense.

“I got the Desire!” she announces triumphantly.

A beat passes. And then another. It was as if there was never even a deafening battle not one minute prior.

When Akira finally speaks, his voice is low. “Panther, take Sophie away please.”

Her breathing stops. She could not inhale the air even if it was demanded of her. Akira turns back to Ryuji, but Sophia’s eyes stuck to him—like she was hypnotized, cemented to the back of his head, unable to look away. Every inch of her body is numb, but none of it has anything to do with the cold.

Ann gently takes her hand, hot as iron against hers, and takes the Desire in the other. “Come on, Soph. Let’s go for a walk, huh?”

She lets herself be led away, blank and unseeing, a part of her staying wishing to stay behind to...what? She didn’t know. There’s so much she doesn’t know.

They keep walking, rounding street corners, quietly passing underneath frozen lamp posts. Sophia wasn’t sure where they were going, but she didn’t bother to ask. Eventually, they duck underneath a railing, Ann covering her head to make sure she doesn’t accidentally bang her skull against the metal. When they straight up, she blinks.

“A heater?”

“Yeah,” Ann sighs, flopping down on a toppled column as if it were a sofa. “I figured if we were going to talk, you might as well stop shivering during that time.” At her words, Sophia realizes how hard she was shaking. Ann pats the spot beside her. “Sit. Nothing a little girl talk can’t fix.” She does.

At her silence, Ann hums. “Cold, isn’t it? You guys haven’t stopped complaining since we got here. I’m super lucky that Carmen’s here to help me. Warms me up even better than this heater, if you can imagine that. Completely different from the real world, where we feel like we’re going to burst into flames any second.” She yawns. “But god, there’s no one in all of Japan that can run his mouth about the weather like Ryuji.” Sophia clenches her fist, but she keeps going, speaking almost wistfully. “I mean, he’s just so loud, you know? Like, how many times have we driven by cows on this trip, and he’d literally wake us all up just to show us? Not to mention, he eats up all the food and snores like crazy. God, one time I invited everyone over at my place, and he just slept in my bed when he got tired! Who does that?”

Ann sighs. “But man, I’ve never met someone more devoted to his friends than him. Sometimes, he’d even give ‘Kira a run for his money, the way he’d just drop everything and run to where trouble is. Day or night, that idiot would show up on your doorstep the minute you shoot him a text, wearing the most ridiculous pajamas you’ve ever seen,” she scoffs. “He started the Thieves with Akira, you know? All gung ho about justice and stuff, you should’ve seen it. And he had the spine to back it up, too.” She smiles, just a little. “Don’t tell him, but I think he’s really, really cool.”

A drop of water hits Sophia’s wrist. And another. And another, until her vision blurs and her chest is heaving. “I just—” she sobs without restraint. “I was just trying to help. I just want to be useful and do what I was made to do, and Akira said from before that this—this was the top priority, and I even made sure, so I asked, but when I finally got the Desire and I was so sure that I’d finally done something right...” the image of Akira’s cold gaze makes her flinch, hard. “He’s just so mad at me, Ann. And Ryuji—” she chokes on his name like a curse, her tongue tumbling over it as if it were getting caught in a lie. “He protected me from before, but he said he was tough, so I thought it was okay since the Desire was the top priority but he got hurt because of me.”

“I don’t even know what I’m feeling, or why I’m crying, or why you’re being so nice to me even though I know I did something bad! I just—” Sophia buries her face in her hands, muffling her scream. “I just don’t understand anything!”

Warm hands rub her back. “I know,” Ann says quietly. “You’re trying your best. We all get that, and we all think you’re doing an A-plus job.” She pauses. “Sophia, Ryuji didn’t take the hit for you because he was thinking about the Desire. He did it because he didn’t want to see you hurt.”

That makes Sophia peek up. “But that was the top priority, wasn’t it?”

“Uh-huh, but that wasn’t his heart’s top priority.” Ann pokes her temple. “That whole logic and calculation thing you have going on is good and stuff, but the thing about the human heart is that you can’t always choose why you do things, or how you react in certain situations. I bet you anything that he totally forgot that we were even looking for this thing when he pushed you,” she waves the beating heart in her hand, still glowing. “And that’s also why Akira got a little mad at you from before.”

She deflates. “He hates me,” she mumbles, feeling her insides churn uncomfortably.

“That boy doesn’t have the time in his schedule to hate anyone,” Ann reassures her. “He’s just...really, really terrified.”

“But why?” Sophia’s starting to despise that word. “He already knew that he was okay. Why would he still be worried?”

Ann looks up, thinking. “You really love and care about Ryuji, right?”

Love was still a foreign concept to her, but for once the answer came forth with ease. “Yes.”

“Take that feeling, that dense, little ball of love and adoration in your tiny body, and multiply that by about eighteen million. That’s probably about the range of what Akira feels about him.”

She quickly runs the numbers. “Whoa.”

“Yeah. Kinda scary, huh?”

It is scary. With numbers this high, she can only begin to imagine what it felt like for Akira to think that he might be seriously hurt, or even worse, dead. All because of Sophia.

“Hey now, I know that look!” Ann flicks her forehead. “I don’t want you to get all mopey about this. You said it yourself—he’s a tough guy. The toughest there is, but don’t tell him that. It’ll go straight to his empty head.”

She stands with exuberance, stretching. “Alright, I think we’re about done here. How we feeling? You ready to go back?”

No. Her heart speeds up at the thought of going back, her shoulders tensing in on itself, but somehow it would be worse to stay here. “I’m ready.”

“That’s what we like to hear!” Ann cheers. “No chickening out now, okay? You can do this.”

“I can do this.” Sophia repeats, and then, louder: “I can do this!

“Yay! And Sophie?” she looks up in time to see Ann giving her a warm look. “Just because you don’t understand something, doesn’t mean we love you any less. You are allowed to be confused and make mistakes. Do you understand that?”

Sophia smiles wide. “I understand.”

—

They were a block away from the rest of the group when Akira emerged from the fog. With his black attire and dark hair, he could have looked like a picturesque horror movie figure, but somehow his expression ruined that facade the moment she saw it.

“I’m going on ahead,” Ann says when Sophia stops in front of him. “Someone has to make sure Futaba doesn’t sleep on us again.”

“Thanks,” he answers. Then, to Sophia, “Hi.”

“Hi, Joker.” She’s been practicing her speech the entire way back, her points all lined up in her mind, all leading up to the big apology. “I—”

“Pause,” he cuts in, and she shrinks. Is he still mad? She can’t read his expression. He kneels in front of her, squinting, and it suddenly shifts to horror. “Did...did you cry? Did I make you cry?”

“No,” she says quickly, but he doesn’t believe her for even a minute. “Yes. Sorry.”

“Oh god, no, please don’t apologize. Shit,” he rubs the back of his neck, sighing. It’s guilt, she realizes with a shock. “I’m such an asshole. I can’t believe I let myself lash out like that. A thousand apologies won’t even be enough. I was scared out of my mind, but that doesn��t mean I can just treat you like that. I even sent you away, like you’re some sort of kid,” he winces. “I’m really sorry. Can you forgive me?”

She stares at him. “I was supposed to say that stuff.”

He looks taken aback by her words. “No? How could you have known that we would have been ambushed? Ugh, I’m so dumb. I shouldn’t have reacted like that.” Akira sends her a pointed look. “Though, you really shouldn’t split off from the group next time. Top priority means important, but above all else is your safety. Put that in your code.”

“I will,” she promises.

“Good. And the second priority is—” he reaches forward and engulfs her in a tight hug. “Is that you won’t ever, ever think that I’d hate you.”

She frowns. “How did you know?”

“A hunch.” Beat. “Also, Ann gave me a look.” He pulls back. “Are we still friends?”

Relief washes into her, crashing like a wave. “Of course,” she says, before hesitating. “Is…?”

“Yeah, he is.” Akira rolls his eyes, but there is no hiding the grin that takes over him. “A little too good, actually. He hasn’t stopped running around since I poured some energy back into him. I kind of think I overdid it, actually. Oh, and he’s excited to see you again.”

“He is?” she asks, hopeful.

“Absolutely. Asked about you the minute he came to.” Akira gets to his feet. “Shall we say hi?”

“Please.”

As they walk back, an epiphany takes over her. “Oh!” she exclaims, making Akira jump. “I get it now.”

“What’s up?”

“You love Ryuji.”

“That’s right,” he raises a brow.

She shakes her head. “You love Ryuji,” she insists. Even accounting for a margin of error, there’s simply no mistaking her results.

Akira stares at her for a long moment, before huffing out a laugh.

“Yeah, that’s right,” he says softly.

The moment Ryuji sees her, she sprints, throwing caution to the wind as she leaps into his arms. He catches her without hesitation. “Glad to see you’re safe, shorty.”

Sophia knows a lot of things, but there’s also a lot she doesn’t understand. But that’s fine. She’ll get there, and her friends will be waiting for her when she does.

[inkwell1013]

Feeding the Starving artist - Persona 5

Pairings: Various platonic ships. Mostly Yusuke and the Phantom Thieves, but also includes Yusuke and Sojiro (familial)

Genre: Angst, but also fluff, oneshot, found family, friendship

Word count: 5.2k

Warnings: This fic deals with some difficult topics including disordered eating habits and child abuse/neglect (implied/referenced).

Summary: Yusuke Kitagawa is the epitome of a starving artist - in more ways than one - and when Ren find out that his friend is dangerously underweight, he and the rest of the Phantom Thieves hatch a plan to help Yusuke with his bad eating habits. Because sometimes the solution is just as simple as it sounds.

- - - - -

Yusuke was stick thin. He always had been, even as a child. The reason was simple: he had never had enough to eat. When he lived in the atelier, complete meals were rare, and he was used to eating meagre scraps of whatever Natsuhiko could find in the cupboards. There just wasn’t enough food to go around.

Even after he left that place in the wake of Madarame’s arrest, unable to shirk the dark memories that clang to it like a thick fog, Yusuke stuck to those same eating habits. It was a comfort. It was familiar. It was enough.

As much as the school nurse told him that he was underweight and insisted that he needed to eat more, he refused to believe her. He was eating the same amount that he ate as a child and saw no reason to change his habits.

He was fine.

In truth, he was not fine. His diet was beginning to affect him, as much as he hated to admit it. He was tired constantly, and every time he stood up too fast, he felt his head spin wildly. Yusuke’s constant exhaustion meant that he was falling asleep at every possible opportunity – on Ren’s shoulder while they drove around mementos, at his desk at school or while they were just hanging out. No one minded, just like no one minded how Yusuke stole food from them when he thought they weren’t looking, chalking his behavior up to his usual eccentricity. It took a few months of this for any of them to notice that something was wrong.

And it was easy to not notice, as Yusuke was good at coming up with excuses. “I’m fine,” he would say. “Just stayed up late finishing a piece. Don’t worry about me.” Or “I just forgot my lunch. Thought I’d borrow some of yours.”

Even so, the more perceptive of the phantom thieves, especially Ren, Makoto and Haru, couldn’t help but worry about their friend.

It all came to a head during their summer vacation. Yusuke had come to visit Ren and left Le Blanc at about six o’clock, insisting that he needed to get back to the dorms before curfew. Ren had gone to take out the trash a little later that evening, and found his friend, sprawled out on the ground, unconscious.  

“Sojiro!” he yelled. “It’s Yusuke. He’s fainted!”

“What do you mean he’s fainted?” asked Sojiro. “I swear to God, if this is some stupid prank…”

“No. I swear he’s really unconscious. I think he might be hurt. Please.” Ren could hear the terror in his own voice, and he knew that Sojiro could hear it too, because there was a great clatter in the kitchen and Sojiro came running. He swore under his breath when he saw Yusuke, and quickly placed a finger to his wrist.

“His pulse is weak, but it’s there,” he said finally. “We need to get him inside. Can you pick him up?”

Ren dug his hands underneath Yusuke’s shoulders, and hoisted him upright, throwing one of Yusuke’s arms over his shoulder and putting his arm around Yusuke’s waist. He was horrified to see that he weighed almost nothing. “Is he heavy?” asked Sojiro. “Do you need help?”

“No… I don’t. He weighs nothing.”

“He can’t be that light. Pass him here.” Ren complied, allowing Sojiro to take on most of Yusuke’s weight.

Sojiro’s eyes widened. “He’s lighter than Futaba,” he whispered.

Futaba was a good foot shorter than Yusuke. He should have weighed much more than her, not so much less.

“We need to get him inside,” said Ren. From his hand’s position on Yusuke’s side, he could feel every one of his ribs. This was bad. How did he not notice that something was wrong before?

He shouldered Yusuke’s slight frame into Le Blanc and laid him down in one of the booths. “Fetch the doctor,” ordered Sojiro. “I’ll watch him.”

Ren wasn’t a particularly fast runner; he wasn’t slow, but he wasn’t especially fast either. Even so, as he ran to fetch the doctor, the world became a blur behind him. A single word repeated in his mind, repeatedly:

“Shit. Shit. Shit.”

He burst into Takemi’s clinic, grabbing her by the arm. “No time to explain,” he panted, trying to drag her out the front door. “You have to come.”

“Give me a second to lock the door kid,” said Takemi. “What’s gotten into you?”

“Yusuke… my friend… he fainted… and somethings really wrong. He weighs literally nothing. He’s so light.”

“That does sound serious. Where is he?”

“Le Blanc. Hurry.”

***

Takemi’s face fell when she saw Yusuke - who had thankfully begun to stir slightly - and Ren understood why. Yusuke’s appearance was almost ghoulish, he was white as a sheet and there were deep bags under his eyes.

“Is he another one of yours Sojiro?” asked Takemi, in a feeble attempt to lighten the mood. “How many kids do you have tucked away back there?”

“No, he’s not,” said Sojiro. “He’s… He’s Ren’s friend. Just spends a lot of time here. You know how it is.”

“You called the doctor?” whined Yusuke, trying to sit up. “That was completely unnecessary. I’m fine.”

“Yusuke, you literally fainted. You’re not okay,” said Ren, placing a hand on Yusuke’s chest and pushing him back down. “Don’t try to stand up, you might faint again.”

“But I’m fine!”

“I’ll be the judge of that, thank you,” said Takemi, reaching into her bag and pulling out a stethoscope. She pressed it to Yusuke’s chest, and listened a moment. Frowning, she lifted in away. “You have a weak heartbeat. I’ll bet you have a dangerously low blood pressure too. Do you feel any numbness or coldness in your extremities?”

“A little. I thought that was normal.”

“It’s a sign of poor circulation, likely due to your weak heart. Do you know how much you weigh?”

“Umm… the last time we had physical examinations at school I weighed fifty-three and a half kilos.”

“And how tall are you?”

“A hundred and eighty-one centimeters.”

Takemi pulled her phone out her pocket and jabbed a few numbers into it. She scowled. “Your BMI is 16.3. You’re severely underweight. It’s no wonder you’re having health problems.”

Somehow, to Ren, even the word ‘severely’ feels like an understatement.

“I’m surprised your parents weren’t contacted,” she continued. “This stuff is serious.”

Yusuke stared down at the ground, not saying anything. Sensing the tension, Takemi spoke again. “I feel like I’ve touched on a sensitive issue here. You are under no obligation to tell me, but is everything alright at home?”

“He’s in jail,” came the quiet response. “My fathe- my mentor got arrested… for child abuse. And my mother is dead.”

Takemi took in a sharp breath, looking desperately at Ren and Sojiro. “You have a place to stay, right?” she asked. “Because if you don’t, I’m sure Sojiro will…”

“I’m living in my school dorms. I’m fine.”

“That’s good. Look, I can prescribe you some medication to lessen some of your symptoms, like your fatigue and low blood pressure, but the best thing you can do is try to get to a healthy weight. Given your height, you should aim to gain roughly ten to fifteen kilos over the next few months.” She handed him a business card. “If you need any further help, you can call me or come to my clinic.”

She packed up her things and pulled Sojiro to one side, safely out of earshot. “This kid has some serious problems,” she whispered. “I don’t know if it’s an eating disorder or just bad habits, but he’s going to need help. I know it’s a lot to ask but—”

Sojiro interrupted her. “I will. I’ve done this before with my daughter. She had similar issues. I know that I can help him.”

Takemi nodded, begrudging respect in her eyes. “Besides,” continued Sojiro. “The kid has good friends. I’m sure they’ll help him out too.”

Sojiro saw Takemi out the door, but once he was sure she was gone, he headed back to check on Ren and Yusuke. Sojiro’s heart broke a little in his chest as he saw Yusuke’s expression. His eyes were watering, and he looked so confused and lost. When Ren patted him on the shoulder, Sojiro couldn’t help but notice that Yusuke jumped a little at the touch.

“I need to get back to the dorms or I’ll miss curfew,” he mumbled, sitting up.

“Let me drive you,” said Sojiro.

“That’s not necessary,” replied Yusuke, a tad sharply.

Sojiro sighed. “Just accept my help kid. It won’t kill you.”

Yusuke begrudgingly allowed Sojiro to drive him back to the dorms, after Sojiro insisted that he’d rather not find him passed out on the street again.

By the time Sojiro got back to Le Blanc, Ren was already asleep upstairs. He went to lock up the café, craving a cigarette for the first time in years. For the first time since… Since Wakaba died.

It was funny to think that just a few years ago he didn’t consider himself to be a fatherly person and now he had a whole troop of kids. Sighing, he put the key in the lock and turned it, before making the slow trudge home.

***

Ren let out a deep sigh. Pulling out his phone, he made a group chat and invited all his friends, save for Yusuke.

Ren: I’m calling an emergency meeting. Don’t tell Yusuke.

Ryuji: Why not?

Makoto: This is about him, isn’t it? About the thing we discussed.

Haru: I hoped we were wrong.

Ren: Yes, it’s about that.

Ryuji: Why are you all being so cryptic?

Ren: Meet me at Le Blanc at 10am tomorrow. Don’t be late.

Ren: That means you Ryuji.

Ryuji: Dude!

Ren: @Ann Make sure Ryuji gets here on time.

Ann: Will do.

Ryuji: Don’t encourage him!

Ryuji: Seriously, what’s going on? I’m so confused.

Ren: I’ll bring Futaba. Remember, do not tell Yusuke. He can’t know about this.

Turning off his phone, Ren set it down on the table and took in a long, deep breath. He needed to tell them. He needed to be a good leader. He needed to be who everyone else needed him to be.

He was a Joker, expected to fit into any gap, and designed to be a wild card. He could do anything, fill any role, and tomorrow, his role would be that of the messenger, bearing terrible news. He didn’t want to do it, but he had no choice.

***

When Ren stirred the next morning, memories of the previous night flooded his mind. Shit. He dragged himself out of bed and went to feed Morgana. Anticipating the promise of food, Morgana jumped off the windowsill, and onto the table, where Ren portioned out a tin of tuna for him.

“What are you sighing so much for?” asked Morgana between bites. “Is something wrong?”

“It’s about Yusuke,” explained Ren. “And it’s pretty serious.”

“How serious?”

“I had to call an emergency meeting.”

“But those are only for—”

“When someone’s life is in danger. I know.”

Morgana cocked his head. “It’s that bad?”

“Yeah, it is. He fainted, he’s so thin, he’s not eating enough, and I’m really worried about him.”

Morgana flicked his tail. “I had to deal with some food insecurity back before I met you all,” he began.

“When you were a stray?”

“I wasn’t a stray. I’m not a cat!” snapped Morgana. “But yes, when I was homeless, food was hard to come by. Maybe Yusuke’s dealing with something similar?”

“Maybe. He is technically homeless…”

It sounded bad when he said it, which it was. Yusuke had technically been homeless for several months. Even so, it had never been a problem, as he had been living in the Kosei dorms since Madarame’s arrest. It wasn’t like he was out roaming the streets or something.

Maybe the dorms were the problem. There was no one there to check that Yusuke was eating. He could engage in whatever unhealthy habits he wanted, and no one would ever find out.

Ren threw the empty tuna can in the bin, and went to help Sojiro with the café, hoping that having something to do with himself would lessen his anxiety somewhat. It worked, but only a little.

 Ren dragged Futaba - who was still groggy, having just woken up moments ago - to the meeting, before setting her down at the table with a fresh cup of black coffee. Morgana came slinking down the stairs a few minutes later. Makoto was the first to arrive after that, followed shortly after by Haru.

Ten minutes after the agreed upon time, Ann and Ryuji both burst into the room, bickering as always. “I can’t believe you made us late,” snapped Ann, sliding into the booth.

“I didn’t make us late,” replied Ryuji. “You were the one who just had to fix your hair before we left.”

“Only because it got messed up while I was helping you find your housekeys.”

“I didn’t know they would be under the sofa! I have no idea how they even got there!”

“You’re such a moron.”

“And you’re not much better.”

Ann rolled her eyes. “I love you anyway dumbass,” she said, giving Ryuji a peck on the cheek.

Once everyone was settled at the table, Ren retold the story of the previous night. A hush fell over the table, and Ryuji was the first to speak up.

“What can we do to help?” he asked.

Ren sighed. “I really don’t know. This is some serious shit. I mean, you guys weren’t there, but it was terrifying. I could count his ribs through his shirt.”

“We have to do something,” said Makoto.

“But Yusuke doesn’t want to be helped,” sighed Ren. “He insisted that everything is fine, even though we both knew it wasn’t.”

“We could just… give him food,” said Ryuji. “We don’t need to make this complicated.”

“Don’t be stupid Ryuji,” snapped Morgana. “There’s no way that would work.”

“No, I’m with Ryuji on this one,” said Ren. “It’s a simple plan, but it could work. So, are we in agreement?” There was a murmur of acknowledgement around the table.

“Alright. Let’s do this,” said Futaba, taking a sip of her coffee.

***

Makoto - always the most organized of the group - was the first to enact her part of the scheme: making Yusuke eat lunch. Her plan was simple and would hopefully work. She had prepared the first phase of her plan that morning, all she had to do now was ‘coincidentally’ run into Yusuke and enact phase two.

It wasn’t that hard to spot Yusuke on the train platform, as he tended to tower a good few inches over people, just as he was doing here. She reminded herself to play it cool.

“Hey Yusuke. Fancy seeing you here,” she said, walking up to him.

“Ah, Good morning Makoto. It’s not that unusual. We do catch the same train line up until the first stop.”

“You’re right,” said Makoto, shifting a little in place, and rearranging her grip on the bag she was holding. Just come out and say it already… The words just wouldn’t form on her tongue.

Thankfully, Yusuke brought it up first. “What do you have there?” he asked.

“Oh this? I accidentally made too much lunch today, and the rest wouldn’t fit in my backpack. It’s such a pain to carry it around though…”

Come on. Get the hint already.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” said Yusuke, glancing up at the noticeboard for train arrival times. This absolute moron…

“Why don’t you take it?” she offered. “You’d be doing me a favor; I really don’t want to have to carry it around all day.”

Yusuke frowned. “Are you sure? It’s your food.”

“I’m certain.”

“If you insist.” Yusuke took the bag from Makoto with a cautious reverence. He glanced at her one last time, as if making sure that it was really okay to take it, before opening his backpack and placing it inside.

“Oh. I’ll need the lunchbox back,” said Makoto. “You can just come by my house after school and drop it off.” At that moment, the train came screeching onto the platform, and she and Yusuke both stepped in.

Mission accomplished.

***

Yusuke was working on a new painting when his phone rang. He was about to decline the call, but he recognized Ann’s number and picked up. Clearing his throat, he spoke. “Good afternoon.”

“Hey Yusuke! I’m going to that new café in Shibuya tomorrow. Do you want to come with me?” asked Ann.

“Are you sure?” asked Yusuke. “I don’t want to be a bother.”

“It’s fine. I want to hang out with you.”

Yusuke thought for a moment but shook his head. “As kind as that is of you, I must decline, as I don’t have the money.”

“I’ll pay for you. Come on, it’s my treat.”

“I really shouldn’t…”

“I have pictures from that art showing I went to last week. I could show them to you.”

Yusuke was about to scoff – did Ann really believe that he could he bribed with pictures of an art showing? – but he stopped himself at the last moment.

He really wanted to see those pictures. He had been unable to attend the exhibit as it was during his exam week, but he had been following the artist online for some time and found their work both beautiful and inspiring.

Who knows if he’d get this chance again?

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll come.”

The next day, he arrived at the café at precisely the agreed upon time. Yusuke was one of those people who believe that being late was a terrible sin, comparable only to leaving one’s brushes in their water pot or wasting paint.

His eyes swept around the small café, and recognizing Ann’s distinctive blond hair, he walked over and sat down. There was already a wide array of cakes and pastries spread out across the table. Yusuke couldn’t stop his mouth from watering at the glorious sight, but he quickly reminded himself not to be greedy. This was Ann’s food, not his. He pulled his hands onto his lap, restraining himself.

Ann gave him a bright, cheery smile, and slid a slice of lemon cake towards him. “Here,” she said. “You like lemon cake, right?”

Yusuke stared down at the neat piece of yellow cake in front of him. His mother had made lemon cake for him once, when he was young. He didn’t remember the occasion – a birthday perhaps – but he remembered how it tasted. It was sour, yet sweet, and blindingly bright, like a drop of sunshine.

“Its my favorite,” he said, forcing back the memories. It wouldn’t do to cry over a piece of cake, like some kind of idiot. “How did you...?”

“Do you remember when Haru brought over those pastries the other day? When she offered you one, you reached right for the lemon cake without even stopping to look at any of the others. I assumed that’s because it was your favorite.”

“That was weeks ago. You remembered all this time?”

“Of course. It something that makes you happy, so I remembered it.”

“Huh.” Yusuke took the fork from the plate and cut himself a slice of the cake. It tasted just as good as he remembered.

He couldn’t help but remember what his mother said, as she handed him the piece of cake all those years ago. “That’s the great thing about this recipe. It lets you take something bitter and sad and turn it into something of melancholic beauty.”

“So, you wanted to see those paintings from the exhibit,” said Ann, pulling out her phone.

Ah, yes. That’s why they were here, wasn’t it? Yusuke almost didn’t care about it anymore; he just wanted to savor this flawless taste for one more moment. Blissful.

Even so, he pulled his attention towards Ann’s phone, where she had various pictures from the exhibition. He studied the artwork with a careful dedication, trying his best to etch every line and color into his mind. It was just as good as he expected from the young artist whose early work had enraptured him so.

As Ann rambled her way through many interpretations of the art that was on display, she made a point to push a few plates of sweets in front of Yusuke, who ate them dutifully.

Ann gave a secret smile.

***

Yusuke damn near tumbled over as Ryuji clapped him on the back, and he had to take a moment to steady himself. “Sup dude,” said Ryuji. “I’m going to the gym later. Wanna come?”

“I’m not really a fan of… those places…” mumbled Yusuke.

Ryuji was blissfully unaware of his friend’s apprehension. “I’ll treat you to beef bowl afterwards,” he offered.

Yusuke’s mouth watered at the promise, and he found himself nodding, quite without the preapproval of his mind. “Awesome man!” beamed Ryuji. “You don’t have to workout or anything if you don’t want to. You can just spot me. Anyways, I’ll see you there. What time do you wanna meet up?”

“Whatever time works for you.”

“Is like… five o’clock okay? I have to get changed into gym clothes and stuff.”

“As do I.” Did Yusuke even own gym clothes? He wasn’t certain. He had dropped out of gym class at the end of his first year of high school and never looked back. Even so, he was sure he’d find something to wear.

Rooting around in the deepest, most forgotten crevices of his drawers, he managed to find a pair of frayed, grey shorts and a tank top. These were classed as sporting attire, right? He pulled on the clothes and felt them completely dwarf his body.

He really didn’t want to ‘work out’ as Ryuji would put it. The last time he had done any massively strenuous exercise outside of the metaverse, which was sometime the previous year, he had fainted rather dramatically. It had been a particularly embarrassing moment, as it had happened in front of his entire class during gym and ended with him being carried off to the nurse’s office. He couldn’t help but fear that history would repeat itself.

He took a deep breath that did nothing to quell his nerves and left the dorms.

The gym smelt bad – that was Yusuke’s first thought. It absolutely reeked of sweat, and Yusuke couldn’t help but be a little intimidated by the various pieces of exercise equipment scattered around him that, in his opinion, looked more like torture devices.

Sometime while he was thinking, Ryuji snuck up on him and gave him a bone-crushing hug. “Sup dude. I’m so pumped about this!” said Ryuji. “I was gonna start with some cardio and then do some lifting. Do you want to join in?”

“Um… maybe?” mumbled Yusuke.

“Let’s just start and you can see how you feel. But go at your own pace and don’t push yourself too hard.”

Yusuke let out a murmur of agreement and headed towards the treadmills. If he was remembering correctly, running was cardio. He really didn’t want to run - it just made him feel tired and dizzy - but Ryuji was already setting up his machine, so Yusuke couldn’t drop out now.

He fiddled with the buttons until the treadmill was moving at a suitable pace and set himself into motion. It was invigorating, in a strange way. He even found himself somewhat enjoying the feeling of adrenaline pumping through his veins.

And then, once around half an hour had passed, Yusuke stumbled and had to grab ahold of the handle to keep from falling flat on his face. How graceful.

Ryuji turned off his machine and turned to his friend. “I think you’re a bit worn out,” he said. “Let’s take a break.”

Yusuke nodded breathlessly, and scrambled off the machine, desperately trying to catch his breath. When did he get this out of shape? He was startled when Ryuji threw him a bottle of water, which nearly smacked him on the side of the head.

“Go on,” said Ryuji. “Drink it.”

Yusuke’s thirst had gone unnoticed up until then, but he gratefully gulped down the drink. Somehow it had stayed graciously cool, even in the summer heat. Once he had drank all the water, Ryuji pressed something into his hand, going to drink his own bottle.

It was a protein bar. Yusuke had never had one of these before, but he knew that athletes ate them a lot. Even with the promise of chocolate chips – the message for which was printed on the side of the packet - Yusuke was cautious; he had never been a fan of new food.

He watched Ryuji tear open the packet of his bar and take a large chomp, looking for… something, though he wasn’t sure what. Permission maybe? He was used to asking others for food, whether that be Madarame, Natsuhiko or the school cook, and he wasn’t good at just taking things for himself.

Ryuji looked at him with a quizzical expression. “Why aren’t you eating? It’s really good. Give it a try.”

That’s all the permission Yusuke needed, and he took a bite. Not bad, actually. No one was more surprised than him when the entire bar was devoured in seconds. Maybe he was hungrier than he realized…

Ryuji took the empty bottle from him and threw it back into his backpack, before tossing the empty wrappers into the bin. “I’m going to do some weightlifting,” he said. “Will you spot me?”

“Of course.”

***

It was a hot day, and Yusuke was sweating like a pig. His back hurt too and he slightly regretted offering to help Haru with her gardening. Even so, Yusuke was a man of his word, and stubbornly refused to quit because of something as trivial as a little pain.

He rubbed the sweat from his brow and bent down to pull up the radish he was attempting to harvest. The damn thing just refused to move. He gave it one last tug and it suddenly came loose, sending him stumbling backwards, only just catching himself before he fell. Throwing the radish into the cardboard box at his feet, he went to start on the next row.

Haru appeared behind him and passed him a can of soda. It was chilled – she had probably got it from the vending machine – and Yusuke gulped it down in one go. Haru sipped her own can, glancing over at the box of vegetables she and Yusuke had spent all morning pulling out the ground. There was a good collection in there: some carrots, some radishes, a decent sized head of lettuce, a bag of green beans and more potatoes than Yusuke could count.

“We’ve had a good harvest,” said Haru.

Yusuke hummed in agreement, going back to pulling up radishes. Around an hour later, they were finally finished, and Yusuke said his goodbyes, about to collect his things and leave, when Haru stopped him.

“Wait a moment,” she said, pulling a plastic bag from her coat pocket, and picking a few handfuls of vegetables from the box. She handed them over to Yusuke with a smile. “Here, take these.”

“Are you sure?”

“Think of it as payment for your hard days work.”

Yusuke tightened his grip around the handle and nodded. “I’ve got to get home,” said Haru. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

***

Yusuke had spent the day with Ren, doing nothing in particular. At half past six, he announced his departure, but when he tried to leave, Sojiro stopped him, setting a hand on Yusuke’s shoulder. It was a strangely gentle touch, something Yusuke wasn’t used to, but he tensed under it regardless. “Why don’t you stay for dinner?” offered Sojiro. “I’m making curry.”

Ren appeared in the stairwell. “When are you not making curry?” he said.

“Watch your mouth young man,” laughed Sojiro.  Futaba giggled from her seat, and Ren smirked too. Yusuke couldn’t help but feel a little melancholic at the sight, longing for something he never really had. His hand twitched toward them, greedy and wanting, but he stopped himself.

“I want to stay,” he said. “But I’ll get in trouble. Curfew is at seven.”

“I’ll call your school and explain things. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Hesitation fluttered through Yusuke’s mind, but he forced it down. He wanted this, more than he had wanted anything in a long time. “Okay. I’ll stay.”

He let Futaba drag him all the way to Sojiro’s house, rambling all the way about an anime that she was watching, while Ren and Sojiro exchanged a secret grin behind him.

Yusuke had been in Sojiro’s house before, but this was the first time he had gotten a good look around. It really was just a normal house, with a slightly less normal family inhabiting it. Ren went to set the table, and Sojiro went to serve the food, Futaba helping him. Yusuke was caught in the middle, unsure of what to do. He didn’t want to get in trouble for doing something wrong, but at the same time, he hated just standing there, useless, and idle.

Eventually he settled for helping Ren lay the table, desperate to be at least a little helpful, and Ren did smile as he went over, which was a good sign. They laid the kitchen table together, and Yusuke surveyed the landscape. The kitchen was quite small, but a good enough size for a family of three. He wondered, briefly, if they ate breakfast together in the mornings.

The realization came to him, deep and cutting, that he hadn’t eaten breakfast, let alone a complete meal, with anyone since Natsuhiko left.  These days, he had grown used to eating his meals, when he remembered to eat them at all, alone in his dorm rooms, usually while working on something else. Food was always an after thought for him.

It was strange how much he missed it.

Sojiro came over, holding two plates of curry and Futaba trailed behind him, doing the same. Futaba handed a plate to Ren and Sojiro handed a plate to Yusuke. Once everyone was sat at the table, Yusuke waited for permission to eat, but wasn’t granted it.

It took a few moments for Ren to notice that something was wrong, but he eventually did, giving Sojiro a sharp nudge in the side and gesturing toward Yusuke. Sojiro quickly got the message and asked, “Why aren’t you eating son?”

The reply is simple, at least to Yusuke. “You didn’t tell me I could.”

“You can always eat here,” said Sojiro. “Whatever you want, and whenever you want it.”

Yusuke nodded slowly, picking up his spoon. Taking one last glance around the table, checking that it was really okay, he took his first bite. And then another. Soon, the plate was empty, and Yusuke had never felt so full in his life.

Futaba brandished her plate towards Sojiro like a knife. “I want seconds,” she demanded.

“Okay, okay. I’ll get you some more,” said Sojiro, standing up.

“I’ll have some more too,” said Ren, handing Sojiro his plate with just the slightest hint of a cocky smirk on his face. They all cast an expectant look to Yusuke.

Why not? He had room for a little more. “I’ll have seconds too,” he said. Sojiro smiled at him – a real genuine smile, something he had never seen from Madarame – and Yusuke decided he liked the feeling.

[itsclydebitches]

YYH Recaps: Koenma Appears

Welcome to episode two, everyone! Before we get to the recap proper, I want to continue down Nostalgia Lane for a moment. Remember how last time I mentioned a Hiei bookmark I used daily back in middle school? Well, I tore through an old "treasure box" I created as a kid (a collection containing everything from a shark tooth to a small book on witchcraft. You know, the important things every child needs) hoping to find it... but I didn't. It's a hard life we lead.

However, I did find some other YYH relics that I thought you all might enjoy seeing. Behold — and, if you'd like, laugh at — my collection:

First up is a picture of young Toguro and Genkai that I wanted to use as my bookmark, but found that it was too wide. For the record, I didn't (and still don't) care about Toguro much, he was just the byproduct of finding a cool Genkai picture. Not shown is the back of the image with the names of my classmates because I made them all sign this along with our yearbook.

God bless my friends for putting up with me.

Second is a collection of very pretty trading cards that I ordered from god only knows where. I have vague memories of not finding any at my local comics shop and convincing my mom to let me order on The Olde Internet. Did I want the trading cards to trade them? Absolutely not. They exist to sparkle and make my heart happy.

Finally, I've saved what is perhaps the best for last. Now, you have to understand that grade to middle school age Clyde did not have the education that she would receive later on, which includes a knowledge of the ephemeral nature of fanworks and the importance of accurate record keeping. What this means is that I have absolutely no context for this. No author, no explanation... just the image itself.

Was this a standalone fanart? A part of a fic? Some specific request or just the will of the artist? I cannot answer these questions. I tried a reverse image search (which is, admittedly, the extent of my tech skills) and you know what the single hit I got was? "Fiction." Thanks, google. So yeah, I can only assume that my child self considered Kurama giving a de-aged Hiei a bubble bath adorable enough to save, but the artist wasn't important enough to jot down for future viewing. Sorry about that, mystery artist. And, as should go without saying, if anyone does know where this came from please let me know! Though I suspect that this is a case of a YYH-specific site closing down and the fanworks getting lost along with it. That happened a great deal before the age of AO3 when volunteers decided to put their time and talent towards saving fanworks of all sorts... 

But enough of all that. Let's get to recapping!

As we established last episode, Yusuke and Botan are on their way to the spirit world to kickstart Yusuke's ordeal. Watching this after over a decade of consuming other media, I really appreciate that Yusuke acts like a human person and asks lots of questions about this. When Botan is cryptic for the sake of the audience — we're going to see "the person" who can explain everything — Yusuke is justifiably like, and what person would that be?? I mean, this is also a way to establish basic facts for the viewer and it simultaneously feeds into Yusuke being someone who is difficult for the sake of being difficult — "If someone wants to say something, they should come to me!" — but it's just nice to see a character who doesn't accept cryptic BS because the story needs them to. If Botan gives an unclear, but ~dramatic~ explanation, Yusuke is going to call her out on that.

So she explains that they're going to see King Yama and Yusuke is all whoa whoa whoa, there's royalty involved? Suddenly, he's not so adamant that they come to him. 

Botan tries to reinforce this rare spark of humility and demands that Yusuke be on his best behavior from here on out.

Pff. Yeah right.

But “he can send you to oblivion forever if he wants to!” is a suitable enough threat to cow Yusuke for now. Which is interesting considering that a few hours ago he was happy to accept hell as his rightful ending. Granted, we could argue that there's a big difference between hell and oblivion — a character may not be afraid of punishment in the same way they are a lack of existence — but I'd say this ties more into Yusuke's development at the wake. Now that he's accepted that people care for him and that he should strive to return to them, the threat of having it snatched away actually means something. Even if that line is otherwise positioned as a comedic moment.

Botan flies them through a portal where we see the River Styx below and Yusuke comments on how big everything is. At first I was like, "What are you talking about? You were just flying over some major city in fictional Japan, wasn't that big too?" but this line makes more sense when they reach the palace and you realize that yeah, it's big. As in, the camera blurs while tilting down its length to show how insanely tall it is. Yusuke and Botan are tiny gnats at the gate's entrance.

"Oh man, what a pad!" Yusuke says and sure, that's one way to look at it lol.

Botan announces that she has a "new arrival" and the gates open for them, but so far there's no one else around. One part of me wants to question the time and budget put into this scene because shouldn't there be, like, thousands of people? Even just waiting outside? The idea that this is the hub of the underworld and that Botan is responsible for ferrying all the souls, yet she is guiding just this one (1) dude for a solid day is, from a world building perspective, kind of nuts. But beyond the need to develop Botan as a character (she can't be a part of the story if her job is treated realistically, with all the endless work that entails), I think this choice functions rather well from an atmospheric perspective too. Meaning, this moment is supposed to be rather tense for Yusuke. He just died, just found out the afterlife exists, just discovered a desire to get his life back, and is now about to meet a King who can toss him into oblivion if he's rude — which Yusuke always is. So this is a Very Dangerous Moment and their relative isolation feeds into that. As does the setting. Yusuke flinches back from the hallway, saying that it looks like a giant throat, so he is now literally walking into the belly of the beast. 

Suddenly, the size of the palace isn't an indicator of awesome wealth, just general intimidation. Also, check out the spikey purple mountains in the background and the harsh reds of the scene, especially compared to the soft yellow of the river. All of it is designed to create an, "Oh shit" reaction in both Yusuke and the audience.

Yusuke's image of King Yama matches these surroundings:

Oh wait! Wrong character ;)

He's massive, red, shadowed, and poses a formidable threat. And how does Yusuke deal with threats? By fighting them! Even those he can't hope to beat. Remember, this isn't a situation where Yusuke has any power here, but he still desperately holds onto the possibility that he might. What if he gets off a punch on King Yama's nose? Then goes for his eyes? Yeah, that'll work! 

Overlooking the fact that it absolutely would not — Yusuke's fantasy conveniently skips how he escapes Yama's clutches — what exactly is Yusuke hoping to accomplish here? Somehow take over the entire underworld? Escape as a ghost and live out his afterlife in hiding? We don't know and that's because Yusuke doesn't know. He doesn't think ahead, he just obeys this instinct to fight. An instinct that, crucially, overrides everything else. Botan has already told him that all Yusuke needs to do is be polite and everything will be fine, but it's not even that Yusuke believes that he can't achieve that; that he knows himself too well and, fearing a slip, starts planning for a potentially inevitable confrontation. There are simply no plans outside of battle plans. Yusuke just hears about someone vaguely intimidating and his brain jumps straight to, "How do I beat him in a fight?" no matter the odds, or that other options are readily available to him. Again, much of YYH's characterization occurs though its comedy, so outside of the general humor of witnessing this fantasy, it actually does a stellar job of reinforcing precisely who Yusuke is. In life the only thing he had going for him was his ability to fight. It was his one joy, his one skill, arguably the one good thing he did if we frame those reflexes as "saving" the kid... so is it any wonder that fighting dominates his every thought? It's all he knows.

And, as we'll see down the line, that single-minded obsession is very useful to the spirit world.

For now though, Yusuke finishes his absurd plans to take down King Yama and Botan asks what in the world he's muttering about back there. Which is an unintentionally hilarious line because by the end Yusuke is not muttering, but full on shouting. Botan. How did you not hear him?

Not important. They reach the next door and we get our first inkling that all is not as Yusuke (and we) expect when Botan leans into an intercom to say that they've arrived. Tech in a fantasy spirit world? This feels not only out of place, but rather... mundane? That's the point. When the doors open Yusuke expects his super scary monster, but gets... a whole lot of monsters that aren't scary at all!

The underworld is run by various demons (or ogres), though their looks are contrasted with the harried office worker personalities they've got going on. Someone is running by with a comically tall stack of papers. Someone else is shouting into a cell phone. The first two demons we see cross paths, looking like they're about to punch one another, just as Yusuke expects... except they're just dramatically getting out of the other's way, worried not about the hierarchy of this realm, but the fact that someone is behind schedule. The nerve!

"This place is a madhouse!" we hear somehow shout and yeah, that's the joke. The afterlife is just as chaotic, overworked, and — ultimately — boring as any human office. For all the strangeness of seeing hundreds of demons, this is familiar.

Which, alongside Botan's bubbly nature contrasting assumptions about the Grim Reaper, is one of the first instances of YYH undercutting the viewer's expectations in terms of looks. No one entirely looks the part they play in this tale and if you're trying to teach people to look past surface characteristics... there are worse ways to do it. Horrifying creatures with horns and sharp teeth? Nah, they're just chill dudes trying to do their job. Cutesy girl who looks like she belongs in a mall reading magazines? Nah, she's the Grim Reaper. Terrifying delinquent with a spine-chilling reputation? Nah, he makes faces at kids and saves them from cars.

Of course, the "nah" isn't accurate either. These are monsters with horns, Botan is a cutesy girl, and Yusuke is a delinquent with that reputation. The message isn't so much that people look like Thing A, but get to know them and you'll discover they're actually Thing B, it's the idea that you can be A and B (and C, D, E...) simultaneously. People — or rather, seemingly simple archetypes — can, in fact, embody multiple characteristics at once.

We'll get our third example in just a second.

Yusuke makes a comment about this being the "dead people stock exchange" — accurate — and Botan leads him to a more ornate door past all the desks. It's clear they've arrived at King Yama's office, since she's bowing and formally presenting him to... someone. Yusuke looks around for the giant beast he's imagined, only for a tiny voice to hail him from the ground.

Looks are deceiving!

“This is Yusuke Urameshi and he’s honored to meet you." Botan knows what's up. She knows Yusuke isn't going to express anything of the sort without some prompting. Too bad he's busy cracking up at this apparent child running the show. Side note: Yusuke has a fantastic laugh.

He even goes so far as to accuse Botan of lying to him.

“Why would I lie about such a thing?!”

“Why would the spirit world be run by a toddler?”

It's true! That’s a legitimate question! I love that Yusuke asks questions. The "toddler" goes on to explain that he's actually the "mighty Koenma," son of King Yama, though he's lived fifty times as long as Yusuke, "so watch your mouth." Assuming Koenma knows and/or remembers how old Yusuke is — fourteen — and is good at math, that puts him at seven hundred years old. He looks good for his age!

"And in addition to knowing the secrets of the universe," he says, "I am quite potty trained."

You've gotta love Koenma.

Yusuke's attitude changes drastically once they get down to business. Koenma produces an egg, saying that Yusuke's ordeal is to hatch it and face what comes out. The hatching part isn't difficult, all he needs to do is keep it on his person. The challenge is in the fact that this egg will feed off his spirit energy and that energy in turn will change what kind of creature develops. If his spirit is wicked and cruel, so will be the beast and it will devour Yusuke upon hatching.

However, if his spirit is good and kind, the beast will become a sort of guardian, guiding him back to his living body.

Note though that throughout this conversation the egg is always a "beast." It's a "monster." It's not necessarily intentional, but there's a strong bend towards the negative here in the description that really emphasizes the whole "ordeal" aspect. Koenma briefly reassures Yusuke that he can remain a ghost if he prefers, but he's already made up his mind. Despite another threat of being lost to a void — this time through spiritual digestion — Yusuke takes the egg almost without hesitation.

He regrets it later though.

"I can't believe I did that."

Can we blame him? I'd be nervous about some egg feeding off the energy of my soul too and I'm a former, almost straight A student (damn you, math) with no life-altering regrets and a general desire to put as much good into this world as I'm able. I’m boring. But what if those occasional, mean little thoughts you have add up? What if the prejudices you're still unlearning stack against you? Does the egg care about what you do, or only how you feel about the act? This sort of test would eat me alive!

Maybe literally. 

Good thing Yusuke doesn't have time for an existential crisis!

Just as he's beginning to regret this decision, Botan points out that it won't matter if he passes if he doesn't have a body to return to. Now, why wouldn't he have a body? Maybe because his mom is set to cremate him tomorrow.

Whoopsie.

Yusuke is, understandably, distraught. We get another excellent exchange:

“Botan, is there any way for ghosts to communicate with living people?”

“Yes.”

“SO ARE YOU GONNA TELL ME?”

I swear, Yusuke is the only smart protagonist. I mean, he's dumb as a sack of bricks at times, but that's neither here nor there. Bless this fictional boy for reacting like an actual person. 

Botan explains that people are more attuned to the spirit world when they're asleep, so Yusuke can deliver a message to someone in their dreams. Seems easy enough. They first head to Atsuko, but find that she's raging drunk and nowhere near sleep. 

"You fool!" she yells. "No one gave you permission to die!" Atsuko continues to yell about how plenty of people survive car accidents, so why couldn't you? "Were you mad at me, Yusuke? Didn't I raise you right?"

Botan comments on how sad the display is. Yusuke's response?

“The only thing that’s sad is now she’s got one more excuse to act that way."

Y'all, that's some mature shit for a goofy shonen anime. Yeah, Yusuke recognizes that, while she's obviously heartbroken, his death has just given her another reason to do what she's been doing for years: drinking herself into a stupor. Toss in Atsuko putting the blame on Yusuke — "No one gave you permission to die!" — plus the belief that she did do a good job — "Didn't I raise you right?" — and it paints a rather bleak picture. This is by no means an uncommon theme. Negligent parents, whether they're framed that way or not, are pretty common in shonen series, but it's still rather jarring to re-watch this as an adult and go, "Oh. The situation’s like that." It's honestly a lot when you remove it from YYH's otherwise humorous, casual context.

Yusuke heads to Keiko's next and finds her sound asleep, commenting on how her room looks more "girly" than when they were kids. Check out that smile!

He's about to try and deliver his message, but Keiko is in the midst of a nightmare. “She’s crying… what’s wrong?”

Oh my god. Remember how I just said Yusuke is also the densest protagonist around? Example A right here. You just died, you fool! You just saw Keiko collapse at your funeral. What do you think is wrong??

We get a peek at Keiko's dream where she is — shockingly! — thinking of Yusuke. He's far out of reach, walking away and unresponsive to her calls. Keiko soon trips and Yusuke disappears completely.

Luckily, she has the real thing at her bedside. Yusuke tries talking to her and at first it's unclear if this supernatural stuff is really working. That is, until Keiko murmurs about how heavy he is.

Reassured, Yusuke delivers his message that Keiko needs to help Atsuko pull herself together and, most importantly, call off burning his body. We get this very soft and pretty background to establish their yet unspoken feelings for one another, though Yusuke gets close with, “I’m coming back. I don’t want to see you cry anymore" as he brushes her tears away. Aww.

Keiko wakes, thinking at first it was just a dream, but no, "I'm sure I felt it."

The next morning she heads to Atsuko's to explain the dream, only to first hear that Atsuko had a dream too, this one about Yusuke "living in some other world full of ogres and he kept knocking them down until he became their leader." It sounds absurd, of course, but it brings Atsuko some comfort to think of her boy in a place like that and Keiko backs down. Right, she'd only had a comforting dream too.

Now, there are two important parts to this exchange. The first is that this is an excellent example of how you let the characters drive the story, rather than forcing the characters adhere to the plot you've come up with. Meaning, in the latter situation, our cast would have needed to have their personalities twisted and the viewer's suspicion of disbelief tested to give Yusuke what he needs: a sleeping family member willing to believe his message. But it absolutely makes sense for Atsuko to be drunk rather than sound asleep, so Yusuke can't rely on her. Likewise, it absolutely makes sense for Keiko to be asleep, but not believe the dream once she's woken up. After all, how many times have we been persuaded by something in the dead of night only for things to look more logical and less likely in the morning? The characters act both like themselves and like people who do normal, people-ish things, which means that Yusuke runs into more conflicts. That's good! It not only raises the tension and stakes — now he has less than a day to convince someone — but makes his inevitable success feel that much sweeter. A less well written show (cough-RWBY-cough) would have had the characters change their personalities, behave in unlikely ways, or just come up with a sudden, contradictory solution because Yusuke needs to keep his body. Instead, Yusuke actually has to work for that within the bounds of the rules established and the likeliness of each plan succeeding. The first one fails? Move onto plan #2.

Second, this dream of Atsuko's has some cool implications within YYH's world. Meaning, we're about to learn in just a moment that some people are naturally more aware of the supernatural than others, even when they're not asleep. We'll also see down the line that spiritual awareness tends to run in families... so perhaps Atsuko possesses more than the average mother? I'm not saying it's necessarily intentional on the author(s) part, but we can choose to read this dream as evidence of spiritual awareness — true insight into the world Yusuke was just in and the fantasies he'd had about conquering it — rather than just a coincidental joke for the viewer. After all, Yusuke gets his own spiritual awareness from somewhere...

(Okay, so there's totally another, canonical reason for that, but we can have both!)

So, as Yusuke puts it, “This dream business isn’t gonna cut it.”

“There’s always the final method," Botan says.

“You always this vague?”

I am literally living for these interactions.

Botan explains that the more extreme form of communication is possessing a living person, but there are two rules attached: it has to be someone you know and the vessel has to be someone who is quite spiritually aware, as discussed above. Atsuko isn't a contender because the story hasn't acknowledged that she might be sensitive, that's just my own headcanon now. Yusuke outright says, “In that case I’m screwed. There’s no one like that!"

Cut to good old Kuwabara.

At first it looks as if he's just oh so conveniently sensing a spirit right when the audience has learned he has this power, but in reality it's Yusuke and Botan flying behind him that sets it off. Again: this show is pretty good about keeping things internally consistent, rather than making choices because That's Just How Stories Work, I Guess. Kuwabara's friends note that he's acting strangely and I love this detail that apparently one of the guys is new to their group because the other two need to explain that this is the "tickle feeling." Ever since Kuwabara was a boy he's been able to sense the dead around him. Some nice, some... not so nice.

He looks directly at Yusuke — even though he's not able to see him — and declares that what's following them is “A puny low-level ghost, like a haunted racoon or something.”

I'd support Yusuke's anger more if he hadn't just exclaimed his surprise that Kuwabara serves a purpose 😂

Yusuke is pissed enough though to proclaim that he won't do it, nuh-uh, no way is he possessing this guy's body. Botan's response is one of my FAVORITES in the WHOLE SERIES:

"Here's my impression of Yusuke: look at me, I’m burning!”

Literally 75% of this series is just about a found family sassing one another and I love it.

Obviously this helps Yusuke remember his priorities and he grudgingly agrees to the plan. Botan prepares Kuwabara's body somehow — idk, spiritual magic or whatever — and warns Yusuke that he only has an hour to find someone and warn them because a human body can't handle possession any longer than that. Sure. I buy it.

So Yusuke takes control and please ignore the incredible ethical issues here. The show will never acknowledge them again. 

He blurts out, “Hey, check it out! I’m inside Kuwabara, feeling smooth!"

Istg I don't remember the series being this unintentionally gay. I don't even ship Yusuke/Kuwabara and I'm digging the possibilities here lol.

Back on track, his friends drag him with, “Looks like he’s back to normal” because again, 75%. What's not normal though is Kuwabara (Yusuke) suddenly charging down the street to leave them behind. He heads straight to the restaurant where Keiko's parents work, demanding to see her. They're rightly concerned about this stranger barging in and screaming for their daughter.

Upon asking who he is/why they should tell him, Yusuke makes his biggest mistake: “Because it’s me, you guys, I’m Yusuke!”

Obviously the time limit and raw emotion of knowing who he is has outweighed the knowledge that, you know, no one would believe that. Yusuke has spent the last two days bopping around as a ghost and familiarizing himself with some of the afterlife's insanity. The knowledge of what's normal for everyone else — AKA, not dead boys appearing in strangers' bodies — is not at the forefront of Yusuke's mind.

So, Keiko's parents react accordingly! The father in particular is disgusted by this claim, going so far as to threaten Yusuke with his knife and outright insult Kuwabara's looks: “Yusuke was never ugly like you… we were close family friends with that boy!" His wife chimes in that this kind of joke is particularly heinous on the day of his funeral. Between Atsuko drunkenly blaming Yusuke for his death and Mr. Takenaka grieving for what he might have been, this is one of the few times we see someone just sad for Yusuke's passing, exactly as he was and without regrets or criticism. "We were close family friends with that boy" paints a nice contrast to the delinquent persona Yusuke was cultivating.

As he's thrown out of the restaurant he says, “We should have special passwords for times like this!” Fun fact, my family does! Well, not this exact situation lol. I was given a password as a child to memorize in case my parents ever needed to send someone else to pick me up or interact with me in any way. If the stranger didn't know the password, I was to kick up a fuss. I rest easy with the knowledge that this password would not doubt assist me if I was ever in Yusuke's position!

With Keiko's parents a bust, Yusuke starts sprinting to everywhere she frequents with the hope of running into her. Or at least he tries. 

Yusuke is suddenly waylaid by a group of nameless teens with a bone to pick with Kuwabara. And you know what? I like it. I wonder how much of my praise stems from coming off of RWBY Volume 8, but it's just so nice to watch a story where the plot — simple as it is — hangs together. We've established that Kuwabara is a street fighter. Last episode we watched him start a fight with Yusuke. Yusuke is on a time limit. Now Kuwabara's tendencies have created a new hurdle for Yusuke!

Needless to say, Yusuke kicks butt, even in Kuwabara’s body. 

As one guy is passing out he says, “Man that hurt! I didn’t think anyone could throw punches that hardcore except Yusuke Urameshi."

Yusuke: “Darn, giving Kuwabara a good name." LOL

You think this challenge is finished though? Nah. Over the course of about half an hour Yusuke encounters a comical number of people trying to get even with Kuwabara. 

As always, I like the nods towards this writing decision to help justify it, with Yusuke wondering how Kuwabara has pissed this many people off. If you want to pull off something that has a low chance of happening, it can help to give the characters a "Seriously?" moment. If both they and the audience are on the same page over how ridiculous this situation is, the audience is more likely to accept it once the character does.

By the time Yusuke escapes his hour is nearly up. However, thanks to some coincidental plotting, he spots Keiko's friends just across the street! 

YYH does a decent job of making its characters feel like they have their own lives outside of what's immediately happening on screen and we get a good example of that here. We pick up the girls' conversation partway through, both of them worried about Keiko's state of mind and, given that we'll see in a second that Keiko was in the store with them, it implies that something happened to reignite this worry. They're off enjoying their day, doing their own thing, there was an event we're not privy to, and now we catch the response to that. It just helps make the characters feel more well-rounded even though they are, at their core, one-dimensional background characters who don’t even have names yet.

Case in point: the one girl is still concerned with their image. "People are starting to say things!"

Yeah, your friend's childhood friend just died. Hopefully they're saying, "Poor thing."

Anyway, Yusuke runs up to ask where Keiko is only for both girls to run away screaming. Turns out his face is messed up from the numerous fights and Keiko's friends are easily scared. 

Luckily, Keiko comes out just a second later and Yusuke is faced with the challenge of how to convince her in, oh, about five minutes. Remember, we've already established through Keiko's parents that just saying, "I'm Yusuke" doesn't work. That's why he hesitates. It's not just drama for the sake of drama, he's stuck.

“I’ve known her my whole life, there must be something between us that only I would do!”

Yeeeeaah. About that 😬

Suddenly inspired (I suppose that's one way to put it...) Yusuke runs up behind Keiko and grabs her breasts. “Keiko, nice uniform! They’re so squishy!”

It goes without saying that, like flipping her skirt up, this isn't okay. More specifically, the problem lies in the story framing this as a joke for the audience, something to laugh at despite Keiko's discomfort, rather than the concept of two childhood friends actually be that comfortable with one another. But, as already established, this is one of the more ehhhh aspects of Yusuke's characterization that, luckily, will mostly disappear as the story goes on.

Note though that the show clearly wants us to think highly of this. Not just as a "joke," but as a smart solution to his problem and more evidence of their inevitable relationship — the background becomes the same soft, bubbly background we saw during their dream conversation. And, admittedly, it does work. Keiko instinctively slaps Yusuke hard enough to knock him to the ground and he starts laughing, saying that he doesn't care what anyone on the street says, she hits the hardest.

What I do like about this is that the assault isn't the only thing Keiko bases her faith on. Not only has she already had the dream, we get to see Yusuke from her perspective, showing all the mannerisms she picks up on by superimposing Yusuke's real body over Kuwabara's. Indeed, she says as much: “I knew it was you from the first time you spoke…and it’s not just your stupid gags, or how you laugh. There are ways you move and speak that in a hundred years I wouldn’t forget."

Catch me crying in this club!

Knowing she believes him and that he's almost out of time, Yusuke reiterates his message: please don't burn my body and also keep Mom on track. Only, you know, it's phrased far better than that lol. As he speaks, both Yusuke's and Kuwabara's voices overlap until the latter grows fainter and only Yusuke's voice remains. His body too. It's a nice touch, avoiding the awkwardness of Keiko having this moment with a stranger, even if that is what's happening on some level.

“I know I’ve been a bum to you at times, but please wait for me."

His hour up, now we can get the awkwardness! Kuwabara comes out of his weird trance thing to find Keiko crying against his chest. Wow, he thinks, this girl must be really into me! 

God, to have the confidence of Kuwabara.

Of course, Keiko quickly realizes it's not Yusuke anymore and slaps him too for cuddling her closer. My favorite thing is that when she does this a crowd INSTANTLY appears. I mean they TELEPORT in. We needed an audience for Kuwabara's shame and YYH delivered, all logic be damned.

“Um, sorry about that!” Keiko yells as she runs away, because she's a good person who recognizes that weird spirit things just went on and Kuwabara isn't actually to blame.

“No, that’s okay. I probably deserved it," Kuwabara responds because he's also a good person and I didn't appreciate him nearly as much as I should have as a kid.

Keiko runs all the way to Atsuko's place where she finds her dressed for Yusuke's funeral. She blurts that Yusuke might still be coming back and Atsuko goes, "He already has." Turns out she opened his coffin to "smack him one more time for leaving me" — yikes — and found that his heart had started beating again, just as Koenma said it would. 

Being in a shonen anime, they apparently decide to just trust Keiko's message rather than, idk, taking him to a hospital or something.

The camera tilts up to show that Yusuke has been watching all this, including that both women break down again and comfort one another. Aww. How heartwarming.

What's less fuzzy though is this mysterious egg. Yusuke takes another look and finds that it has developed a heartbeat too, presumably in time with his body's. He theorizes that he did decent things today, right? But Botan (teasingly) points out that he did beat up a lot of other kids. Rather than getting angry, Yusuke remains uncharacteristically pensive, emphasizing the magnitude of what this means for him. He's got to get it right.

No pressure or anything! We'll have to see how Yusuke balances his karmic scales in the next episode. Until then, I'll try not to put all my TV time into Star Trek: Voyager :D 

See you then!  💜

[p5youllneverseeitcoming]

Persona 5 Strikers/Scramble

So! I finished the story of Persona 5 Strikers and I wanted to share my thoughts as I have soooo much to say but cannot share with my friends due to spoilers :’) I am currently playing on a New Game+ as, ya girl wants the Platinum Trophy :o

I will talk about some of the things that I really liked here (Spoiler free don’t worry) AND include spoilery things under the cut so I won’t ruin the experience for anyone else!

The Plot

Obviously this takes place after the original Persona 5 story finishes and as opposed to a whole year, you just get 1 month with the Phantom Thieves. I really liked exploring all the cities you travel to and the character interactions were so cute!! I really like the two new characters introduced (Sophia and Zenkichi Hasegawa). Both of them fit the story so well and their interactions with the other Thieves are honestly so good and pure! Also?? Their outfits? Amazing T_T It was such a nice change seeing everyone in casual outfits as opposed to their school uniforms!

I also loved the fact that you could choose to play with characters that get introduced late game like Haru for example straight away. I for one, always have her in my party as soon as she’s available so having her for the whole game was like a dream come true haha. I’ll talk about Sophia and Zenkichi a bit more under the cut but I will say that it’s so fun to play as them! I personally prefer Sophia more as she has healing skills which are always really useful and she uses yo-yo’s for her weapons which are so fun to use. Zenkichi uses a great sword which is very Final Fantasy of him and I am loving it. I love their Phantom Thief outfits! Sophia looks super cute in her floofy coat and boots and Zenkichi just looks so cool! His hat is goals, I want one T_T

The anime cutscenes in the game are also... Omg... I just can’t help but fangirl over how everyone looks... ESPECIALLY SOPHIA OML, she’s so... Bby... And of course, the dialogue options you can choose are so funny, then again what else can you expect from a game that had the option to say “you jelly?” to Ryuji.

I won’t spoil the main plot but this game works similarly to Persona 5 in the sense of, you still go into dungeons but these ones are a lot shorter and when you leave the dungeon, the days don’t actually move forward, only specific story points advance the days. So essentially if you wished, you can stay and grind for as long as you like!

The Gameplay

I won’t lie, as expected from a hack-and-slash it gets quite chaotic at first if you don’t fully know what’s going on but you get used to it pretty quickly! The game gives you tutorials whenever anything new appears and you get the hang of it pretty well by the first dungeon. You still only have 4 characters in your party and Akira must always be present but here you can actually run around as the other party members when the battles are over! Also? Morgana gets comical sound effects when he does things like jumping and running and I was LIVING for it.

The other thing that changed is, obviously it’s not turn based so if you were like me and wore the SP restoring accessories to get 7SP back each turn, you’re in for a last surprise! In this game you actually use your items quite a lot as there isn’t a limit to how much you can use as you access them mid battle by pausing. Later on you get specific skills that restore your SP after each battle or by performing All Out Attacks and 1 More’s so honestly, SP isn’t really a problem for regular battles. I mainly found it running out quickly when I was fighting some of the optional bosses but I always had SP restoring items so it was all good hehe.

You still do things like All Out Attacks and 1 More’s in this game but you also do something called ‘Showtime’ which is very similar to the ones introduced in Royal only in Strikers it’s for one character, you basically build up the showtime gauge as you battle enemies and, once activated, you deal significant damage to stronger enemies like bosses as well as all of the enemies in the area. The All Out Attacks also have their own little animation with your party posing and just looking really good!

Yusuke being so extra is honestly such a mood omg... Also Mona T_T So smol.

Every party member has their own special quirks such as Ann and Makoto applying Fire and Nuclear affinity respectively to their regular weapons, Morgana turning into the Mona car and so on. I personally always had Haru and Yusuke in my party and kept switching between the other Thieves to see what I like best. Personally, I really like having Morgana or Sophia as they’re really good healers, Morgana obviously having the more powerful skills such as Mediaharan and Salvation.

Also... The menus... Omg... If you thought the Persona 5 menu was stylish then you will LOVE the Strikers menus. They’re so stylish! And I love that all the Phantom Thieves are there too, it’s so cute T_T

The only thing I don’t like is the game doesn’t pause when your controller dies so uh... I may or may not have died during a boss battle when I was like 2 hits away from winning and then just... Stopped moving letting the boss hit me with a killing combo :)

To be honest though the party that I had pretty much all the time was:

But as I said, I liked to change Morgana and Sophia around every now and then.

The Music

Omg the music. Atlus really just said: Hey what if we made Persona 5 music again but like... More epic?

The song that plays right as soon as you have control of Joker is SO. GOOD. I legit had to pause for like 5 mins just to jam out. I don’t think it will come as much of a surprise but in my opinion, Persona 5 definitely has one of the best video game soundtracks, I absolutely love all the songs!

I will discuss some of the dungeon themes in the spoilers but I absolutely love the soundtrack for this game. Every dungeon theme is so fitting for said dungeon, I genuinely listen to them all the time, especially when doing my research for my essays!

The battle music is really energetic as opposed to the jazzy feel from the original Persona 5 soundtrack but it’s very fitting for the actual battle as you often fly all around the area instead of standing in one spot. I will say, Last Surprise made an excellent comeback despite being an already amazing song which is just, amazing, incredible, fantastic...

Other things

Well, I can’t go into detail due to spoilers but they deadass put a JoJo reference as well as a character in the game :’) The moment I saw them I was fangirling so hard!!! Also? The villain designs in this game??? Amazing. Beautiful. Very creative!

The Phantom Thieves interacting with each other is also really cute! I ESPECIALLY liked the fact that Morgana and Ryuji got along a lot better! They still had small fights here and there but they pretty much apologised to one another straight away which I really liked! Also? Ryuji protecting his friends, especially the girls? Amazing. Wonderful. Cannot help but stan.

Well, that concludes the non-spoiler section which.... Is kinda long haha, Below the cut I will talk about the spoilery things so I advise looking at it AFTER you finish the game!

The Plot

The plot of this game is really fun if you ask me. You travel around Japan defeating Monarchs in Jails AND you get to experience the joys of summer vacation with your friends and your new Persona dad. I really like the fact that you don’t advance time when you leave the Jails because this gives you the chance to grind as much as you want before tackling harder fights like some of the optional bosses. The boss designs themselves were so good! Especially Alice?! My God? She’s beautiful?? Look at her!

Persona 5 Strikers said you can be horny on main... Just this once o_o. She literally steps on Joker in the Jail which o_o Ma’am... Plz but she ALSO steps on her manager in the real world.

I really liked all the bosses in this game because they felt so... Real? Obviously I don’t agree with them for brainwashing people into worshipping them, but I really like how the game gave them backstories that showed why they strayed away from the right path. The fact that the Thieves tell them that they understand their struggles because they themselves went through the same thing (Like Ann and Yusuke) honestly made me appreciate the story that much more. I really liked Haru’s little arc in Sapporo because not only did she help Mariko Hyodo and show her that despite mistakes you can always stand up and start again, but she also got to have more screentime, like that cute fountain scene she has with Akira! ALSO? The Hee-Horde?! I was laughing for a solid 5 minutes when I saw it! It was so cute how Haru, Sophia, Ryuji and Yusuke were so into it while Futaba was just there like: ????

I think my favourite Jail out of all of them will definitely have to be the Kyoto one, a.k.a. the Jail controlled by Zenkichi’s daughter, Akane. Despite how short it is, you can learn so much about her. The overall aesthetic of the jail shows her love to the Phantom Thieves and in the actual Jail theme you can hear fragments of ‘Life Will Change’ and ‘Wake Up, Get Up, Get Out There’ which I think is absolutely amazing! The boss fight for this jail honestly took me 3 tries to beat as the first time, I died due to not fully getting how Shadow Joker worked, and the second time, I was about 2 hits from beating him but then... My controller died :’) By the time it turned back on I was already c-c-c-c-comboed to death so :’) This is also the jail where Zenkichi awakens to his Persona and honestly? I found the little segment where he has to sneak around in his usual everyday attire so cute, bless him, he really did adopt 7 teenagers, their cat and an AI daughter.

ALSO?! They deadass put Dio in this game? Like when I first saw Natsume’s shadow I was like: Hm looks kinda familiar...

BUT THEN?!

Needless to say I was fangirling pretty hard.

I liked Akira Konoe, very much vibing with his Power Ranger aesthetic however, I have to say, his boss fights was surprisingly... Easy? At least it felt easy to me which was kind of... Disappointing I suppose for him supposedly being “the final boss” HOWEVER, I very much liked how his calling card was delivered, and the fact that Zenkichi could finally get his revenge was very satisfying! 

Now, let’s talk about the end game, mainly the Abyss Jail.  I did NOT see it coming (haha) that it was Ichinose all along! As I’m currently replaying the game, the fact that she doesn’t want to look at Sophia despite specialising in AI technology should have been my first clue that something is not quite right here! 

When she forces Sophia to attack the Thieves, it honestly broke my heart. The fact that she recognised Joker and Skull... And she threw herself off the ledge just so she can’t hurt them anymore... Yo, I love her so much T_T That’s why her awakening to her Persona (her true Persona) was such a satisfying scene! Her Persona (Pandora) has a really cool design, I especially like the fact that she represents the Hope Arcana (as there was hope left at the bottom of Pandora’s box) and that Pandora herself kept the box-y design from her original “Persona” Pithos. I found it quite funny that all the skills Pithos has ended with a “?”. Anyway, the scene where she tells Ichinose all the things she learnt, and that Ichinose herself has a heart despite believing that she doesn’t for so long was so touching. It showed that Sophia deeply cares for her, despite the fact that she literally said she’s the reason so many people are getting mind controlled by EMMA. The ending scene with the two of them laughing and holding hands... My heart T_T

Now then, let’s talk about EMMA.

I. Loved. The. Final. Boss. Fight.

The fact that the game makes you use ALL the characters for the final fight! As I usually switched out characters here and there, my reserve party members weren’t severely under-levelled which made the fight pretty okay! I had quite... Strange groups I would say as I had Makoto and Zenkichi being a team, Morgana, Ann and Ryuji being a team, and Akira, Haru, Yusuke and Sophia being the final team. The final boss itself, has an absolutely beautiful design. I especially loved the angel like wings because it really showed that EMMA saw herself as a saviour. The cutscene that plays after with all the Thieves dealing the final blows before watching all the desires fall around them was honestly so pretty... Man, this game series is just so aesthetic!

When the credits rolled and all the photos started appearing I couldn’t help but start crying. It really felt like you were actually there, living through all the memories and the fact that Sophia called the photo of all of them together “Treasure”... T_T

The Gameplay

I already pretty much said all I wanted for the gameplay in the non-spoiler section but I will say, the Showtimes and the Master Skills each character learns are so good! I love that once you master all of them you’re bascially unstoppable, I especially love Haru’s and Akira’s as it allows them to deal damage even if they’re a safe distance away from the enemy. The fact that you can learn Bond skills that restore SP with every All Out Attack and One More is honestly so helpful because it saves you going back and forth between the real world but then again, by this point you probably have way too many HP and SP restoring items!

I really liked that Zenkichi has no weaknesses and uses Almighty damage but I find the whole Fury/HP consumption combination a bit weird. After a while you get used to it and obviously you don’t have to activate fury at all but as I said before, I prefer playing as Sophia. Although, I will say that gun wise, I think Zenkichi’s are a lot more fun to use than Sophia’s blasters, but then again that’s just my personal opinion!

The Music

As I said, the music was so fitting for each Jail, I absolutely love it.

The first Jail, you honestly can’t help but bop your head to the beat. It really gives you the impression that you’re in some kind of twisted theme park which really fit the overall aesthetic of the Jail. I loved the vibrant neon colour scheme in such a dark looking place.

The Okinawa Jail... My God that theme was so good. I can’t really explain it but the song really made you feel like you were... Alone, like the place was truly abandoned and forgotten. As soon as the violin started playing I couldn’t help but just stop and listen to it. The overall jail was just so... Creepy. The Shadows there resemebled the shadows you would usually find in the previous Persona games, just this black mass slithering around. I think it was very fitting that they put the Reaper in this Jail. 

As I mentioned before, the Kyoto Jail theme is my absolute favourite. The fact that it has elements of other Persona 5 songs due to Akane being a big Phantom Thieves fan was such a good choice! I love how when you take a closer look, you can see the Phantom Thieves logo on the lanterns and the fact that Shadow Akane herself made a Phantom Thief outfit for herself... Big mood. I loved how all the Thieves encouraged her to try and get along with her dad better AND that they taught Zenkichi how to cook just so he can make curry for her, especially when you remember just how much curry means to someone like Futaba. 

I really liked the remix of Rivers in a Desert, then again what did I expect from a Persona game? The battle music is ALWAYS amazing. I really liked how this played when you fight Konoe as it parallels when you fight Shido in the original, supposedly the final fight, only to find out that there is something MUCH bigger than them.

Other things

This post is already way too long and if you read all of this... Thank you so much. Sadly, I cannot share this with any of my friends as it’s spoilers so I hope you guys don’t mind me sharing this here! I would love to see your opinion of this game!!!

Also? Yusuke and Akira are now canonically dating and I think that’s beautiful

And then that scene later on

Why do you think we came here with Yusuke, Morgana?

TL;DR: I love this game

[takirasu]

Why I cannot understand how a huge majority of the Persona 5 fandom ships Akira/Protagonist with Akechi if you’ve played the game and what is possibly wrong about it

First and foremost: I do not mean to offend or hurt anyone personally with this. This is purely analytical from the viewpoint of someone who is interested in analysing characters and character dynamics. The group of people mentioned that I dislike regarding this ship is targeted to certain types of people in the fandom that will be explained at the end, meaning if you ship this No, I don’t automatically dislike you and even if I would, who cares? It’s just me. I don’t know you and it shouldn’t matter to you. I also want to mention that obviously Persona 5 will get spoiled in this analysis as well as slight mentions and spoilers of Royal, especially the third semester. Read at your own risk! Without further ado, let’s jump into a very interesting dynamic between two characters that had potential, but – in my opinion – leaves a bitter aftertaste in my mouth due to what fans did and do with it most of the time and how Atlus ends it in both Orginal and Royal. I will try to be about this as neutral as possible, since an analysis shouldn’t take a side and then put my opinion about it at the end, because the aspects and whys about this matter more than one person’s opinion alone. Also, the analysis will help form an opinion and back it up. There is nothing worse to me than giving an opinion, but not having anything to back it up with.

To analyse the relationship between the two I will be taking important parts of the story in this dynamic and analyse it as well as analyse the characters briefly according to the situation and towards each other. I will be taking the Anime and Manga into this for certain parts as well. I would like to do a whole character analysis one day if I find the time and fans are interested, but since the main focus of this is a ship and what is up with it I will only analyse the moments that they either have together or that further underlines the topic.

 Starting with Akira, it is clear from the very first hour on that he has a strong want of helping other people – in need or not - and cannot stand injustice. To underline how important it is to him you have to understand that in Japan’s society it is considered incredibly rude to interfere between two adults in whatever situation given. It is not your business, like Sojiro Sakura – his guardian in Tokyo during his probation – explains to him and much more the player at the beginning of the game. In short, Akira knew what he might possibly get himself into. Even if Shido wouldn’t have tripped and hurt himself. Even if Shido wouldn’t have threatened the women to tell the upcoming police Akira apparently assaulted him. The only thing important to those who found out about the incident and know that he did not push him was still this: You do not interfere between two adults, keep your business. People who do that are considered delinquents and you really do not want this stamp on your forehead in Japan. Further, I assume Akira might be suffering from a Saviour complex. In all three media – game, manga and anime – he puts other people’s needs over himself and gets incredibly upset if he is not able to help someone or better, in Akechi’s case, save them. As helpful and kind a someone can be by nature, you have to understand that not everyone will either want your help or will be able to accept it. Not everyone can be saved and you do not have to save everyone. People who have trouble with accepting this suffer from a Saviour complex. A moment to justify both this and my first point is during the beginning of Madarame’s Palace, with one of my favourite quotes of Akira being,

“I want to help. I just want to be sure what we're doing is right. Trust me I'm not saying we should turn a blind eye and do nothing...”

After this event, Ann and Ryuji call him out for being both too timid and yet in haste at the same time. They’re barely out of the Metaverse and obviously have a private life that they need to care about when he already wants everyone to gather information on if Yusuke is really being abused and used by his teacher as fast as possible; on the same day. Again, he puts others over himself. While of course Ryuji and Ann aren’t any less concerned, to him someone might be getting hurt and there is no time to waste on matters like this. When they do find out through Nakanohara, a former student of Madarame, that he steals his pupil’s art, threatens everyone that leaves him and makes students even hurt themselves, Akira as the Phantom Thieves leader decide on saving Yusuke. Said complex also feeds his need of wanting to protect others, shown and explored more in two major scenes in the anime. When Phantom Thieves meet Akechi for their finale encounter they captured it very well. Akechi reveals he has the power of the Wild card, being able to handle more than one Persona, like Akira does. When the Thieves try to either talk to Akechi or attempt to walk up to him and handle it, Akira as Joker takes his role seriously. He tells the others, “He’s mine. Hold. Don’t worry, I’ve got this.” knowing full well that nobody else would be able to take him on other than another Wild card. Another scene is when he protects Sojiro from a few police men. He knows he shouldn’t step in between two adults and he is still on probation, but the want of protecting the person that offers him shelter and that warms up to him is stronger than his own desires. He stands in front of Sojiro and shields him.

 Akechi on the other hand is one of the most interesting and misunderstood characters I have seen in a long time. While not outright admitting it himself, Akechi has this immense and unfulfilled need of being loved since his past was pretty much empty of it. His resentment towards Akira is fuelled by this since he sees how said one has a lot of supportive friends when he’s nothing special in particular. This possibly means that in Akechi’s eyes you have to have a certain standard to achieve to be special and lovable, which would explain the way he made himself for the public. He further insults Akira as a criminal who lives in an attic during their last meeting and asks himself what he has that Akechi lacks, not knowing that it is something he never grew up learning. He hates Akira, but deep down he does not. It pains him to see the exact opposite of himself and how out of place it is for him. Akira is nothing yet loved, while Akechi build up this perfect self that is special, but not actually loved. It messes with him whenever Akira is in front of him and does better than him. He is the reason he gets reminded of the things he hates the most about himself. Similar to Akira he is an outcast to society – just carefully sealed and hidden behind his Ace detective mask. Shido, who is actually his father and he only works with to get revenge on, did not care that he got someone pregnant and left, which lead to Akechi’s mother giving him away and committing suicide. In Japan these kind of families are frowned upon on, being the kid of a possible one-night stand gives no meaning to your life and only tarnishes the mother, which is most probably the reason why the women took her life. It wasn’t bearable for her in this society and she couldn’t life with Akechi’s existence. He was given from foster home to foster home, never had any parents that would give him love and that he could look up to as well as forming actual bonds with people. You see him both struggling to form an actual friendship with Sae, an adult, as well as adapt to people his age, for example the Phantom Thieves. He feels odd and has this unpleasant aura of superiority around him, since he has never learned anything regarding love and how to work and be with other people. So Akechi decides he needs to build his mask to be lovable to the public since his actual self, in his eyes, is not. He’s smart and basically reforms himself completely new for the public. His public self is near to perfect for the role of a student detective. Justice driven, charming, funny and smart. During the game while he is on stage it slips his thoughts during the moment everyone cheers for him and adores him, that none of these people know he’s an unwanted bastard child, which means that he does not think as highly of himself as the player tends to think at the beginning of the game. He is sure nobody would like him and he would never be able to become a detective if it was him as his true self that is worthy of nothing. These two things lead to him being able to be cold-blooded and cause the mental shutdowns, as well as try to kill Akira. First, he has never gotten love and affection. These things are needed for a child to grow and learn empathy, which Akechi lacks. It might almost sound mean, but from a neutral viewpoint this is why it was so easy for him. He does not feel for other people as openly as others do. Also, you have to keep in mind that every shutdown being demanded by Shido would eventually bring him closer to his goal. His father to acknowledged his existence in the perfect moment, the apex of his power, and to take revenge on him for the life he has to live and most possibly for his mother to be driven to suicide. Lastly important for this analysis, Akechi knew what he did when he decided to let himself get killed by his cognitive self, Shido’s so-called security system. First, it would have either been him and the Phantom Thieves who were the only ones able to use the Metaverse next to him and change Shido’s heart, or only him which means that there was a possibility to at least ruin his life and not make him the new Prime minister of Japan. He knows that they won’t kill Shido, but taking everything from him that is important to him, his only desire, and the reason Akechi had to live life like this to begin with seems enough in the moment he faces death. Second, he does not believe in second chances and he does not believe in forgiveness. Akechi’s believes that are present during the whole game aren’t just towards others, but also himself. He hates his true self the same way he dislikes Akira. Both his true self and Akira are nothing in society therefore neither worthy of love or forgiveness. To him, there is no other way to atone for his sins. When the Phantom Thieves defeat Akechi he states,

“You (Akira) are so lucky to be surrounded by teammates who acknowledge you. Once Shido confesses his crimes, you’ll all be heroes. As for me, people will find out my past deductions were just charade. My fame and trust will vanish. In the end, I couldn’t be special…”

The only place he could eventually feel loved was when he faked those crimes and fake investigated them, since they were his own the public didn’t know about. He could feel important and respected, have a place in Japan’s society while working on his goal of his father’s downfall. The moment the Phantom Thieves won over him, he knew this would be taken away from him since to him the only possible outcome of this is the Phantom Thieves winning over Shido and either turning Akechi in or Shido spilling during his change of heart. People relying on him and trusting him, people acknowledging him. That is what the trust and fame was about to him. The moment they meet in Shido’s palace and Akechi is defeated, it would all be taken away from him. Putting this together is the reason he decides to trap himself with the summoned shadows and his cognitive self. His father would lose everything that was important to him if he saves the Phantom Thieves and he has no reason to live in a world where he has no fame and trust from the public, since in his distorted mind he will not be worth of love and worth of existence. He wouldn’t be special. When the Phantom Thieves do reach out and tell him all the things they admire about him and give him a chance to join them against Shido, he laughs about them. His true self is out and to him, it is not lovable or special no matter what they say.

From the reasons shippers bring up for these two, Akira being devastated about Akechi’s death and wanting it revoked is a big one and the first one I want to analyse and explain. As analysed earlier, it is important to Akira to save others and help them, especially when they cannot help themselves. In certain parts, the two aren’t far from each other yet polar opposites. Akira knows that and despite everything feels empathy for Akechi after said ones tells the whole story. Witnessing someone’s death whether it is hearing or seeing it is traumatizing and it’s normal to think about it later back at home in the real world how Akira does, but taking his character analysis into consideration it probably messed with him more than it would with other people, like the other Phantom Thieves. In the anime, Akechi throws a chess piece with Akira catching it. Akira, who is not someone to have emotional outbursts, gets so worked up and angry that he hits the wall that came down in front of them with his fist before he quickly catches himself back in the role as the leader who always had and has to stay calm and collected. If you look at it, Akechi is the only one Akira couldn’t save when he knew he needed it and, to Akira, deserved it. Because throughout the whole game with so many different cases of people not being able to save themselves or being in unjust situations not once does he care about how the people are or if there is any certain character trait etc. to them in particular. Akira probably shares the same belief like his friends. Everyone is special in their own way and so was Akechi deserving of a better life like everyone else is. It messes with him so much, that in Persona 5: Royal, a game that came out 3 years after the original game and it is still tightly being fought about if it is canon or an alternative reality to which the developers have yet to make an official statement to, he tells Maruki, the school’s therapist who is interested in cognitive science, that if he could change reality, his wish wouldn’t be that all of this had never happened, but that Akechi would still be alive. While this is the number one situation people who ship the two use ever since Royal has come out, it just further underlines Akira’s character and my suggestion of him having a Saviour complex. He cannot live with the fact that he couldn’t save Akechi, when this is what the Phantom Thieves stood for. It pains him so much that his wish is actually beneficial to someone else. We know nothing about Akira’s past, but it is impossible that there isn’t something he wishes wouldn’t have happened that is outside of the game. Instead, he chose something that helps someone else and puts himself back to ease. He knows, this is what pains him the most and will for quite some time. Having Akechi back would ease his complex and give a person he thinks that deserve a second chance another tries. This is once more better shown in the anime during the last confrontation when Akira tries to talk to Akechi multiple times during Akechi’s small monologue, but eventually realizes it will be of no use. Akechi is too far gone and Akira tells the group to finish it.

Second are the moments we got early in the anime. While the game doesn’t allow this, the anime explores Akechi’s detective side a bit earlier and more for the viewer. In game, we only see Akechi working on the cases he created while he is actually really good at “real” cases as well and able to solve them. During Yusuke’s arc, Akira and Akechi work together on a few of those and Akechi teaches him how not to be fooled by rotten adults. This all goes quite wholesome, but at that point the interrogation nor the black mask reveal had happened yet. The story is early and fresh, not even having picked up the pace. It almost feels like Akechi either tried learning how Akira’s mind works, or honestly just wanted to spend time with someone he felt like was similar to him. All of this gets revoked though when he massively insults him at the end of the game, making it hard to put this in canon. It might be that Akechi was trying to give himself a chance, because Akira was probably the first person who could handle Akechi just like how he is and also accepted him just like that - since that is what Akira does with everyone throughout the game and also gets complimented and aknowleged for - but instead Akechi couldn’t stop himself and pulled through with the rest of his plans. Looking at it from another side, taking this from the anime into consideration makes the next thing and points even worse.

Last is the interrogation, probably one of the most well-known scenes in the whole game, that I want to analyse further. To begin with, Akira finds himself getting arrested due to Akechi’s betrayal. While it is not exactly explained how, it is obvious that Akechi lead the police in since only Metaverse app users can enter the Metaverse. If you have a non-user nearby, you can pull them into it. Akechi probably did this beforehand, told them to hide and gave them either a time limit or symbol. After the fight against Sae Futaba picks up enemy readings, so many that they’re being surrounded. Akira and the Phantom Thieves part ways and the leader makes all the attention go to himself so that the others can escape. In the end he gets ambushed, cuffed up and knocked out by drugs. What the player does not know is that the group had known about Akechi’s plan all along and they had to play along. All throughout Sae’s palace, Akira knew he would most probably be cuffed up by the end, but it was necessary to let it happen. Otherwise they would never be able to defeat Akechi. I would like to add that this in particular sounds pretty traumatizing and stressful as well. Moving forward and the Phantom Thieves’ plan succeeding, Akechi is unknowingly being dragged into the Metaverse. He outright plans to kill Akira, which reveals his true motive on why he worked with them on Sae’s palace in the first place. The Phantom Thieves are blocking his path of the mental shutdowns and destroying his father. It is so soon that he cannot lose due to them. He is smart about it and wants to kill their leader. Once again and as stated earlier, Akechi doesn’t feel empathy and he has killed before. He gets things done so that they are beneficial to what he needs to do further, just like how it was beneficial for him to work with the Thieves together for at least a while. Be that figuring out how they work, or just messing with them. What he doesn’t know is the person in the interrogation room is the cognitive version of Akira. He is only in there, because he just entered Sae’s palace and in her cognition Akira is in the interrogation room, which she does not have much control of. Therefore, it keeps being the interrogation room instead of anything Casino related. Akechi proceeds to shoot an innocent guard and then Akira. While doing so, he seems like on a high, fully enjoying it getting rid of him and it is almost uncomfortable to watch that is how good it is made. It is Akechi’s first time he kills someone in the real world, but it doesn’t seem to be much different for him. He shoots Akira right in the head when he has nowhere to go, tied up and completely drugged to a point that both in the game and anime he can’t talk properly and even passes out. The state Akira is in is portrayed very well and just underlines the atmosphere further. A murderer just aiming at their helpless victim. Akechi puts the gun in his hand to report it as a suicide and leaves. He never shows any remorse when they meet again, only throwing in that the two might possibly would have become friends if having met earlier. He does not mention the faked death, because there is nothing to say. It might be, because both know Akechi wanted to do it. It was necessary for his path and nobody, especially not someone like Akira, would be standing in his way. Shippers defend this situation, saying Akechi had to kill Akira. To some extent, I would analysis this as true and say that it was a possibly way of getting rid of the Phantom Thieves and continuing his plan, but is your first idea really murder to this? In such a special way? Concealing it as a suicide and not have any respect to the person you just killed? It is unlikely as smart as Akechi is that this was the only possible option he had regarding on how he would get rid of the Phantom Thieves or their leader. Killing the person is just probably the most convenient one to Akechi and again, he does not feel for others properly, since he has never learned how to. This is why he is able to plan this, kill someone he acted like a friend with, saw multiple times for weeks and just walk away. In conclusion that means it is not because he had to and also not because he wanted to in particular, but because Akechi did not care and therefore made it possible to just shot him and continue with his life. It is one of the most important scenes in the whole game and does a lot to the development for all three characters involved (Sae, Akechi and Akira) yet shippers throw it under a bus with the sole statement that he had to.

Putting everything above together, the major moments these two had, shipping Akira and Akechi is complicated and probably not the best.

To finally conclude my opinion to this. In another world, Akechi could learn a lot from Akira. He has a lot of empathy for others and wants to help, which Akechi lacks. It would have been good for him and the part where Akechi mentioned that they might have become friends if met earlier made me emotional as someone who does not support it in a romantic way. In this moment, I thought of them as friends. I thought myself thinking of what would have been if they had met one or two years earlier. Two people who get better through each other and learn from each other. As much as I love this character trait from Akira, I have had my personal fair shares that having this can be negative at times. It would be good for him to have someone that shows him the opposite or at least a middle path. Both characters go All-Out on this. It is either full on empathy or complete lack of empathy. Either you want to save everyone or you’re okay with killing whoever as long as you obtain your ultimate goals.

Many people have stated already that the ship is quite abusive. Anything that comes out of Akechi’s mouth towards Akira in both game and anime (I’m only referencing the anime since the last two times because the manga is barely at Futaba’s arc yet) after revealing his true motives, is negative. Either he insults him directly or the way he lives, just because he found someone that reminds him of himself deep inside if he wants to or not. That gives him no right to act like this, even when psychology is complex. And if you want to defend this, it gives him no right to shoot him and actually visibly enjoy it – which you cannot deny and a lot of people in the fandom stated as well. He didn’t have to, but he did. He wasn’t forced to, but he did it. I wonder if Akechi tells Akira he hates him for the fact that he did make him feel something. Not in a romantic way, again, but more in a way of empathy and this feeling of friendship and he knew he had to stop this.

There are a lot of good people in the fandom fan of his complex character. I don’t necessary like Akechi as a character, but I find him interesting and good to talk about. As for liking or hating him…the interrogation scene happened the way it happened let’s just leave it at that. Sadly, there are also a lot of people in the fandom who will shove this ship down your throat. Somehow, it is superior to them and it should be canon. I have seen so many tweets and Tumblr posts, especially with Royal and its’ third semester that genuinely leave me concerned. What started as 3AM ramble to my friend ended up being this 5000 words essay on why the situations and character traits stated above get taken out of context or misunderstood by shippers. It goes further when you find out that some people ship it because it is abusive to begin with. They acknowledge it and love it and while there are more important things in life than this, I just found it too concerning and also very annoying at one point, I had to make an analysis about it and clear some things up. I have blocked a lot of tags regarding this ship and I still see it every day in the fandom and get attacked if I say something against it, so I just made this  post, knowing that people will eventually get mad at it. But, I honestly really enjoyed it. I really enjoyed writing about Akechi’s character. He is interesting, complex and there is so much to talk about him, but do I ship him with my favourite video game character? Hell nah.

If you want to add something to this, feel free to. I also enjoy respectful and normal discussion about this! I researched a lot for this, re-watched a few anime and game scenes and wrote for a total of 7 hours. If you enjoyed it or it made you think a little, it would be kind to let me know. I haven’t written anything in a while and my last character analysis was years ago, so this was quite a challenge, but knowing how popular this ship is and how much worse it got with Royal’s existence, I had to put this out. I’m going to be honest here. If they would’ve met a few years earlier, who knows if this wouldn’t have become one of my ships (I don’t interact in a lot of shipping to begin with so), because the basis of it is nice. But then the actual plot happens. All this stuff from the interrogation until the end happens and shippers just dismiss it or try to make it sound less bad. Like it’s the actual plot. It’s there. This is how P5 goes down. Akira’s one of the most traumatized characters I’ve come across in fiction and Akechi does a fair share to that. Don’t just dismiss that so your ship can be cute. It won’t, I’m sorry. And if you want to come at me for shipping in general, I as well ship something with complex and interesting dynamics within this game. It’s appealing, but not like this.

 Thank you for reading this if you got through all of it! I seriously appreciate it and my non-existent sleep does to! - May

[allykakamatsu]

Fire Emblem Three Houses X Persona 5 Doodles

First post. So, a few nights ago I dreamt up an AU where the Phantom Thieves ended up in Garach Mach and I decided to come up with some art for it, along with some descriptions.

Black Eagles:

Ren Amamiya: Leader of the Phantom Thieves and the one most dead set in getting back home. Doesn't talk to too many people from Fodlán as a result, but gets along well with he faculty, especially Shamir. Also loves how many cats are at the monastery. Has the Crest of the Fool, a crest given to all wild cards that lets them use multiple personas. Is strong in swords, authority and bows and has no weaknesses or hidden talents.

Sumire Yoshizawa: Curently dating Ren. Wants to go back home but also really likes it here, especially the food meaning the kitchen staff have one more nightmare to deal with. Tries to get along well with all the Black Eagles but is best with Petra and Ferdinand. Has the minor crest of Aubin. Is strong in Swords, faith and flying, is bad at brawling and Heavy Armour, and has a hidden talent in lances granting the Sol combat art.

Haru Okumera: Despite being stressed that Okumera foods is currently without a CEO, is otherwise having a lot of fun in Fodlán. Thinks everyone is nice, but is particularly close with Caspar, Linhardt and Ashe. Has the minor crest of Glouster. Is strong in Axes, faith, reason and bows, is weak in authority, lances and swords, and has a hidden talent for brawling which gets her the Quick Riposte skill

Blue Lions:

Yusuke Kitagawa: Loves the monastery given how much inspiration it gives him, however due to a misunderstanding due to sketching without permission turned apology training session, he also has a lot of fun sparring with Felix. Due to hanging out with Felix a lot he is quite wary of Dimitri and also has to deal with a loli in his head though he doesn't mind too much. Has the Crest of Flames. Is strong in Swords, Faith and bows, is weak on axes and brawling, and has a hidden talent for reason getting him the defiant magic skill.

Goro Akechi: After Ren figured out he was still alive and tracked him down he begrudgingly rejoined the Phantom Thieves, just in time for their forced Fodlán trip. Not super crazy about the Monastary, but due to not having a positive connection to the present he has no strong desire to get back. When not getting dragged into group bonding sessions he's trying to help Dimitri not go down the same path he did. Has the minor Crest of the Fool and the minor Crest of Blaiddyd. Strong in Swords, reason, bows and authority, is weak to faith, axes and brawling, and has a hidden talent in faith granting the white magic crit +20% skill

Ann Takamiki: Isn't the biggest fan of being dragged back to the past, but since she knows it'll take a while to get back she's trying her best to roll with it. Gets along great with Annette and Mercedes, and surprisingly Dedue who she tries to help feel like he has more worth than just serving Dimitri. Has a minor Crest of Dominic. Is strong in swords, lances and authority, is weak to brawling and heavy armour, and has a hidden talent in flying granting the darting blow skill.

Golden Deer:

Ryuji Sakamoto: Wants to get back home so his mom doesn't get worried about him, but also kinda loves it at the monastary, cause the only people who judge him are the super stuck nobles unlike back in Japan, and has a great friendship with the rest of the Golden Deer, and even has a bit of a crush on Hilda. Doesn't have a crest but doesn't let it get to him. Is strong in axes, brawling and flying, is weak in faith and authority, and has a hidden talent for reason getting the dark magic avoid +20% skill.

Makoto Nijima: Very stressed about being stuck in the past, and as such does the most research into getting back, which often leads to her sneaking off to the Abyss to check its library once she finds it, leading to her befriending the Ashen Wolves. On top though she also gets along great with Lysethia and Ignaz, though she has some issues with Lorenz's flirting and Claude's scheming. Has a minor Crest of Timotheos. Is strong in Brawling, faith, authority and riding, is weak in lances and heavy armour, and has a hidden talent in reason gaining the Warding Blow Skill

Futaba Sakura: Is somewhat miserable due to being homesick and missing her technology, but is trying to make the best of the situation, which includes helping Claude with a dining hall raid which lead to the two becoming friends. Is also trying to help Marianne with her self esteem issues. Has the Crest of Blaiddyd. Is strong in reason, faith and flying, is weak in swords, axes and brawling, and has a hidden talent in bows granting the spark strike combat art which grants +3 might and deals adaptive damage.

Heroes Relic's, Sacred Weapons, Sacred Relics and Personal Weapons:

Staff of the Moon Thief: Arsene's cane that got turned from a pair of daggers to an actual cane. Grants whoever wields it +3 range on spells, and grants whoever has the crest of the fool recovers +10 hp at the start of every turn.

Fists of Thunder: Ryuji's personal weapon. Since he doesn't have a crest he had a pair of gauntlets custom made for him. They have the same night as steel gauntlets, the same weight as iron gauntlets, and also has adaptive damage.

Slasher: A sacred weapon of house Dominic. Think the rapier but just super effective against armour and has 1-2 range in exchange for loosing the cavalry effectiveness.

Sword of the Creator: Works just how it did originally, however im giving it 30 durability to start with and once it unlocks its full power it goes up to 50, cause 20 is NOT enough.

Azure Gem: The heroes relic of Timotheos. It's just like the Rafli Gem, but it cancels cavalry weaknesses instead of flying.

Ruler of Lion's Shield: Think the Aegis Shield, but with half the weight and a slight boost to its Pavise and Aigis effect in exchange for half the protection.

Wings of Dromi: It has the weight of a training sword, in exchange for barely better might, but it also works like psystrike in Pokémon, where even though it targets the defence stat, it calculates The damage based on magic instead of attack.

Axe of Ukomasara: Always found it weird that Lorenz wasn't strong in axes yet his house's sacred weapon was one. Welp, time for Haru to make up for that.

Lion's Falchion: Yeah I'm going to be blunt, think the royal sword from echoes, double lion and all, and add dragon effectiveness. Overkill, maybe. But on maddening overkill is kinda mandatory.

First Meeting:

Yusuke met Sothis in his dreams on the PT's first night. While they were both weirded out, Yusuke got inspired and decided to draw her and the bored Sothis agreed.

And that's it for now. If you liked let me know and maybe I'll do more.

[ryuijsakamoto]

I just would like to take a moment to talk about my fave headcanons i have for all the characters

Akira:

he is the most OVER DRAMATIC bitch on this earth

he definitely did theatre at some point in his life

after his arrest he sometimes gets really nervous and has trouble conveying his words. he stumbles over them and cant convey his point well

ann and haru like to braid his hair sometimes

when he was younger he faked not being able to see so he could get glasses, it didnt work tho

so hence now he wears fashion glasses

he had braces in middle school

there is One(1) picture of middle school akira. One

he 1000000000% believes in ghosts and has since he was a child

aliens though? not real.

takes lots of selfies when he moves back and sends them to his friends often

biggest flirt but if u flirt back with him he. Dies cannot talk his face is fully red and hes hiding behind his hands

takes every opportunity to visit his friends 

claims hes not a sap but futuba swears she saw him crying over a handwritten thank you card from ‘’that one arcade kid names the kind or smth’’

Ryuji:

when he was a kid he has a fluffy mess of hair similar to akiras and it was the cutest thing ever

he needs reading glasses but no one knows because hes embarrassed by them

he likes to doodle on papers, hes not an artist but he likes to make dorky quick drawings in the corner of his paper

he has trouble focuing sometimes and likes to tap his foot silently or draw lines on paper to help him focus

calls yusuke and akira pretty boy by habit, it started as teasing but then it just became a Habit

he keeps every gift his friends give him and therye very dear to him

he has akira help him dye his hair

when one of his friends is gone / in danger he doesnt dye his hair again until he knows theyre safe

his mom sewed his purple jacket for him herself

he likes to cook and bake

he hold his bros..bro come cuddle me...he very affectionate with his friends and casually touches like hugs, hands over shoulders, etc.

sings to himself when hes alone

Ann:

she has a pretty popular instagram account

she has really bad handwriting

like ryuji, very affectionate 

she loves beanies and wears them especially in the snow

likes to make pointless arguments with ryuji sometimes, stuff like is water wet?

likes to curl her hair over breaks, thinks it looks cute

she loves to watch sappy romance and drama shows / movies

she stress eats

hates when people attack her friends on her instagram 

she has pet fish 

she picked up gardening from haru, its only a small plants and she forgets to water it sometimes but shes trying her best

Yusuke:

he is secretly a sucker for cutely decorated sweets

he had a small anime phase, not that he told madarame, but he has a box full of his old anime drawings and he will Never show them to anyone

he, like ryuji, sometimes drawes in the corners of his papers

unlike ryuji his are more detailed n not as dorky, its usually a detailed flower pattern or something of the sorts

he straightens and dyes his hair

his room? full of art pieces and posters u cannot see his original walls

he always has his phone on dnd and forgets to check it for days sometimes

he has 5 pairs of the same shirt, each one for a different occasions (they all look the same though...we dont ask why)

when he gets too worried over his art and stuff usually his friends will drag him out of his room and make him go eat with them

his friends pictures in his phones are hand-drawn little sketches he did

when hes concentrating really hard he puts his bangs into a ponytail so they dont fall in his face

so clumsy. he trips over everything

Makoto:

got through school before highschool without having to study

is not good with change

loves cute plushies and clothes

is Tired please give her a break

when Sae notices shes overexerting herself she makes sure to leave some of makotos favorite food and a small note for makoto on her bed

she just loves her sister very much

actually really likes spicy foods

u mention around her youre having trouble in school? not getting enough rest? forgot your lunch? Mom Mode Makoto activated

when shes alone she can curse up a storm

likes to play poker

is really good at talking to people and keeping up frienships

after highschool she is always busy u wanna hangout? she has 2 available days for the next 5 months

Futuba:

she has braces. she despises them

a very picky eater

sometimes she falls back into her old habits of hiding and isolating herself, when that happens shes learned to text someone and they sit outside her door and talk to her untill shes feeling better

cries easily, especially over characters and shows

has a phantom thieves fan account

when morgana and akira move away she gets a cat plushy because she misses her friends

shows everyone so many fun online things, discord? they have s discord gc because of her

akira has to remind her to drink water and fix her posture too much

wants to cosplay

shes really nervous for her first day of school but joker texts her all throughout the day even if he got in trouble for it

surprisingly a morning person

Haru:

she Runs on caffeine

likes to spoil her friends, yusuke spent all his money again? heres enough to get home and also buy a 3 course meal 

works at a plant shop even though she doesnt really need to because she loves being around plants

plays piano and cello

touch starved pls hug her PLEASE

likes to fish

cutest laugh please protect her

also dabbled in acting, though hers was more classical stuff like shakespear

she loves golf and swimming

knows how to fight and will do so if needed

she bullet journals

Akechi (in general + if he got to stay with the pt):

actually doesnt have a strong opinion on pancakes, just was really feeling like eating pancakes that day when he overheard morgana

he loves the praise he gets but the spotlight is exhausting

shido told him long hair didnt look good on him once so now he refuses to cut it out of spite

loves to watch gordan ramsey, thinks its hilarious

Bottles up his emotions like crazy

actually really caring towards his friends, always checking up on them and making sure theyre taking care of themselves

loves shit talking his dad, esp with ryuji haru and yusuke who join him and shit talk their own father figures

he wears colored contacts

writes poetry, no one knows this though

cannot back down from a bet, tell him that he wont eat that spoonful of wasabi? hes choking it down with tears but at least he proved you wrong

kinda very incredibly petty

a big fan of mythology, he looked into it after getting his loki persona

loves movie dates with the phantom theives

[unrestedjade]

I’ll be adding this to Cigarettes and Cassette Tapes later, but for now I wanna puke this onto Tumblr before I nitpick to absolute death. @chupacawha this was inspired by something you said when we watched the Genkai Tournament arc but I can’t remember what lol.

The walk back to the train station felt about a hundred times as long as the trip out to the temple. And that wasn't even touching climbing down all eighty million steps leading from the temple grounds just to get back to the damn road in the first place. Botan helped as best she could, but most of Kuwabara's weight was on Yusuke. The taller boy leaned heavily on him as they stumbled along, his arm bearing down on Yusuke’s shoulders. Yusuke’s arm around Kuwabara’s waist trembled with effort, hand fisted in tattered fabric to anchor himself. If either of them stumbled, they were both going down.

Yusuke wanted nothing more than to fall face down in the ditch and stay there. Fuck it, let the weeds reclaim him. There wasn't a square inch of his body that didn't hurt, and he was running on less than fumes. The only thing that kept him putting one foot in front of the other was the fact that Kuwabara was having an even harder time staying upright and was somehow doing it anyway. Stubborn bastard. Stubborn, heavy bastard.

The sky was passing from twilight to true night by the time they reached the station. The girl at the ticket counter shot them a look that was equal parts suspicious and alarmed, which Botan smoothed over with some line about a hiking accident. Blah, blah, worse than it looks, blah, blah, bald-faced lie. None of them were dressed to go hiking, and the state of Yusuke and Kuwabara's clothing ruled out any kind of nature-y mishap short of a bear attack. In any case, they must not have looked sketchy enough to call for security, because soon enough they were joining the evening commuter crowd on the platform.

Not many people headed into the city at this time of night, preferring to live out in the smaller towns and suburbs and commute in for work. Botan helped Yusuke maneuver Kuwabara into a window seat. He was pretty out of it after all that walking, eyes glassy and unfocused. Yusuke didn't feel so hot himself, and dropped into the aisle seat next to him-- too much effort to take even one extra step to sit next to Botan in the seats opposite.

"Well," Botan sighed as the train got underway, "that was certainly an eventful day." Her ponytail, normally high and bushy, was wilting down the back of her neck, strands falling loose into her face. Mud smudged the knees of her jeans. On the seat next to her, her bag bulged with the jar holding the shrunken Randou. Yusuke recalled seeing a logo for some brand of pickles stuck to the glass. He hoped it stunk to high heaven in there. And that Botan had forgotten to punch air holes in the lid.

Yusuke slouched in his seat. "That sucked." The train's climate control chilled the sweat soaking his ruined t-shirt, raising goosebumps on his arms. Not that he'd admit he was cold, but he was kinda envious of Kuwabara's jacket-- what was left of it, anyway. "All that shit, and no Tokyo Dome. Don't know what I fuckin' expected."

"Language," Botan chided, more out of reflex than actual offense. "And if it makes you feel any better, I never had a ticket in the first place. I just didn't know how else to get you out here." She had the gall to smile and shrug.

"Y'know," Yusuke sighed, "you're kind of an asshole sometimes." He didn't know why he was surprised. He was starting to get the feeling that getting his life back just meant he was stuck being the spirit world's bitch for the indefinite future. They could at least throw him a bone now and then.

Botan dropped the ditzy sidekick routine, along with her smile. "Don't forget that this is your job, Yusuke. Koenma was generous enough to-"

"Yeah, yeah, enough. I get it." More lectures. Dead or alive, he could never get away from people who wanted to nag at him. Beside him, Kuwabara snored softly, head resting against the window. It didn't look terribly comfortable, but at this point he probably didn't give a shit.

"You did amazing work today," Botan said, relenting. "Really." She reached out to lay a hand on her bag. “Thanks to you, Randou won’t be able to hurt anyone else.”

Yusuke couldn’t help but glance over at Kuwabara’s right arm, the elbow of which had been bending the wrong direction only a couple hours ago. Botan followed his gaze, a frown creasing her brows. “Don’t be too hard on yourself,” she said, softly. “What happened wasn’t your fault, it was Randou’s. And luckily, Genkai is an incredibly gifted healer.” She smiled. “All’s well that ends well, isn’t that right?”

Just because the bones were mended didn’t mean they hadn’t been broken in the first place. But it hadn’t been Botan’s fault, either, so Yusuke kept his mouth shut.

A rough spot of track made the train car shudder. Kuwabara was dislodged from the windowpane and leaned over in the other direction, head thudding onto Yusuke’s shoulder. Apparently, his skull was thick enough that this didn’t wake him up.

“Super.” Like Yusuke really wanted to prop him up for the entire train ride after propping him up for the entire walk from the temple.

The googly eyes Botan was aiming at him just made things worse. “Oh,” she exclaimed, “isn’t that adorable?”

Yusuke glared. “No,” he sneered. “Are you sick in the head, or something?”

“I think the two of you have gotten a lot closer after the day you shared.” Botan rested her chin on her hands, a syrupy grin plastered on her face. “How heartwarming!”

“Revolting.”

Giving Yusuke a conspiratorial wink, Botan stood, hefting her bag over her shoulder. "I have to use the bathroom!" she announced to the train car at large. "I will probably be a while!"

Nearby passengers looked up from their magazines and conversations at her. Yusuke only raised an eyebrow. "What a lady."

"And you're such a gentleman," Botan shot back as she stepped into the aisle, aiming a pointed smirk at Kuwabara's head on his shoulder. She walked away too fast to see the one-finger salute Yusuke gave her, but she could probably guess, anyway.

For the next few minutes, Yusuke pondered whether Botan actually did have to take a shit or something. He’d seen her eat before, but he had no idea how any of that stuff worked for a spirit, and he wasn’t about to ask. He figured she probably just wanted a place to leave her physical body while she checked in with Koenma. That was probably for the best-- she always forgot to close her eyes first when she left it. Looked creepy as hell. Well, if she was gonna be gone for a while, Yusuke could catch a nap. The combination of the cool air and Kuwabara's warmth against his side had him sleepy.

As exhausted as he was, no matter how much he tried to relax, he just couldn't let himself fall asleep. It didn't help that other passengers kept stealing glances at them. Yusuke caught a salaryman three rows down glaring disapprovingly over the top of his newspaper. "The hell are you looking at?" Yusuke snapped. The salaryman hid behind his paper. Good. Uppity guys in suits were especially annoying.

Kuwabara stirred, a confused croak in the back of his throat.

"You're awake," Yusuke said, voice low so the busybodies sharing the car wouldn't overhear. "Sit up and get off me." He didn't even elbow Kuwabara that hard, but Kuwabara hissed, curling an arm over his side. Fuck, that's right. His ribs had been busted up pretty bad— probably still hurt like a bitch. "Shit, sorry. You okay?"

"You're a dick, Urameshi." Kuwabara's speech was slurred, like he was buzzed. Botan had been babbling something about accelerated healing and reiki donation on the walk to the station that Yusuke hadn't listened to at all. Maybe she'd meant that Kuwabara was gonna be a little fucked up for a while from whatever Genkai had done to fix his injuries.

He was also still resting his stupid heavy head on Yusuke's shoulder.

"Seriously, sit up. Do I look like a pillow?" Yusuke gave him a shove, gentle this time, because there was nowhere on him that hadn't been horribly injured. Kuwabara barely moved, mostly because Yusuke was still too worn out to do much more than lift his own arm, much less push the larger boy away.

"...You smell real bad."

Great. This was exactly how Yusuke wanted to spend the two-hour ride back into town. "Lean against the window, then!" It wasn't his fault he'd taken a dip in a damn swamp today.

Kuwabara shook his head, the frizzy remains of his pomp tickling Yusuke's cheek. "Nuh-uh. Too hard. Makes my head hurt."

"What are you, a little kid? Man up."

Ordinarily, Kuwabara would bristle, say something about being ten times manlier than Yusuke, and sit up straight to prove that he was just fine and in no way had gotten seven kinds of shit kicked out of him. He didn't budge. His skull was really starting to dig into Yusuke's shoulder. Fuck it. Yusuke shifted his weight, leaning into Kuwabara so that they were propping each other up and Kuwabara's head was resting on muscle instead of bone. His forehead against Yusuke's neck was warm, feverish even. He had to feel even shittier than Yusuke did, weird psychic healing bullshit or not.

"For the biggest punk in school, you're pretty clingy," Yusuke joked, because nothing about this wasn't awkward as hell. He was going for a mocking tone, but it didn't quite come across. "Were you worried about me?" It was hard to sneer effectively when you had to whisper to avoid the attention of a dozen strangers who'd turn around to see you totally not cuddling with your big ugly classmate.

"Yeah."

Well, shit. Yusuke didn't know what to say to that. He huffed out a sigh. Winding Kuwabara up was the easiest thing in the world any other time. Just one normal thing tonight, that was all he was asking for…

"Thought you were gonna die again," Kuwabara murmured, because of course he couldn't just shut up.

"Don't be stupid," Yusuke snapped. "You're the one that..." A mouthful of bile stopped him from finishing his thought. He swallowed, throat burning. Just the reminder of what that psycho had done to Kuwabara had his guts churning again, enraged. He hadn't been that angry since the shit that had gone down with Keiko at the warehouse, and it caught him off guard even now. If Randou had been a human and not some stupidly strong demon from Hell, Yusuke would have killed the fucker. But Randou would get his in Spirit World. That would have to be good enough. "How are you feeling?"

Kuwabara squirmed a little, trying to find a position that didn't leave the armrest between them pressing against his abused rib-cage. "Like shit," he said. "You?"

"Like shit," Yusuke repeated back. It was true. He'd never felt so used up. Leaning against Kuwabara was at least a little more comfortable than trying to slouch down against the seat back. If you can’t beat ‘em, or whatever.

"If I ask you something weird, will you laugh?"

That was not a question Yusuke was prepared to hear right now. Then again, sitting in silence while they were both awake would be even more awkward. "Probably. What's up?"

"Was I at the bottom of the swamp with you?" Kuwabara twisted to look up at him. Huh. His eyes were gray. Yusuke had never noticed that, but then he wasn't usually this close to Kuwabara's face when he wasn't busy pulverizing it.

More importantly, he hadn't hallucinated Kuwabara showing up underwater like he’d started to convince himself. "Yeah," he said, glaring down at Kuwabara and trying not to accidentally take a bite of his stupid hair. "Real nice, showing up to shit-talk a dying man one last time. How the hell did you do that, anyway?"

Kuwabara shrugged. "I dunno." He looked forward again, his face turning out of view. The hint of redness across his cheekbones Yusuke caught was probably from the fever he was running. "You were drowning, and I really had to get over there, and I couldn't get my stupid body to move. So I guess I kinda just...left it?" He chuckled once, wincing as his ribs protested. "Felt kinda nice to take a break from just lying there feeling like crap. It was getting pretty hard to breathe."

"You had a collapsed lung." Among many, many other things. Yusuke had the feeling the image of Kuwabara so mangled that his body looked vaguely off and uncanny would be featuring in his nightmares for a while.

"I guess that'd do it," Kuwabara said. He didn't seem too alarmed, which could have been down to him being punch-drunk and tired. "Did you get him?" Botan had talked at length about the justice awaiting Randou during their long walk. Add a concussion to the list of things Kuwabara was healing from. "Yeah."

Kuwabara made a pleased sound. "Good."

"Yeah, fuck that guy," Yusuke said, in the understatement of the century.

Kuwabara was quiet for a couple minutes. Just as Yusuke was wondering if he'd fallen asleep again, he said, "What do you think his deal was? I can't figure it out."

Yusuke shrugged. "From what the old bitch said, he might not have a reason other than fighting and throwing his weight around."

"I don't think that's it," Kuwabara said, his speech getting, if anything, even less distinct. He’d probably doze off for real pretty soon. "You like fighting, but you don't keep beating on people after the fight's over.”

“You’d know better than anyone.”

Kuwabara didn’t rise to the bait, too lost in his own train of thought. “Guys like that, I don't think they care about the fight at all. Just wanna hurt someone."

Yusuke frowned. Kuwabara wasn't wrong. And for whatever reason, he seemed to keep running into the kind of guys who were out to spread hurt around for the sake of it. Kuwabara definitely had a talent for sticking his nose into trouble, like he had today.

Another flash of anger. Yusuke had a feeling it would take a while to really calm down, even if the adrenaline rush of the fight was long over. "I shoulda killed that asshole."

Kuwabara shook his head, jostling Yusuke's jaw. "You're not that kinda guy."

Yusuke wasn't so sure about that, at all. He hadn't spared Randou's life, he just hadn't been strong enough to take him out. He'd have to accept that whatever punishment Koenma came up with for the guy would be enough, but he couldn't shake the feeling that the world would be better off without Randou in it. In the moment, with Randou gloating over all those people he'd killed and Kuwabara lying shattered on the ground, he'd wanted nothing more than to break his own fists turning Ranou's face into an unrecognizable lump of meat until long after the demon stopped moving.

He didn't say any of this out loud. Despite being one of Randou's victims, Kuwabara wouldn't agree with him. His honor code didn’t have a lot of flex in it. Yusuke didn't want to think about Kuwabara being disgusted by him, or scared of him.

Or wrong about him.

"Sorry," Kuwabara said. "I wasn't much help, either. Just got in your way."

Okay, now Yusuke knew for sure that Kuwabara was completely out of it. He never talked down about himself. "No, you didn’t." Shaken from his dark thoughts, Yusuke nudged gently against Kuwabara's side. "You were great," he said, the compliment sticking in his craw out of habit. "I'm glad you were here."

Kuwabara caught himself before he laughed and hurt himself again. "Y’know, not counting the whole...monster serial-killer thing, it was kind of fun."

Parts of the day, Yusuke had to admit, had been fun. The ordeal had been a pain in the ass overall, but in bits and pieces, for a few minutes at a time, Yusuke had forgotten he was working a case. "Well, next time you wanna change of pace I can kick your ass at the arcade instead of in the alley."

"Whatever," Kuwabara said. "Don't forget who schooled you back at the temple."

Yusuke scoffed. "You're psychic, so you had an advantage. With normal machines, I'd murder you."

"We’ll...” Kuwabara was cut off by a yawn. “We’ll see about that.”

Minutes passed, and Kuwabara's breathing gentled as he drifted off. Yusuke looked over the top of his head out the window, watching the nighttime scenery whip by outside, fields and little stands of trees partly obscured by his own reflection staring back at him. It would be at least another hour before they got back into the city, and then they still had to walk all the way to Kuwabara's house. And then Yusuke would have to walk all the way back home. And then he'd have to go all the way back to that stupid fucking temple in the middle of nowhere for six whole months.

Sometimes it felt like staying dead would have been easier.

Warm air gusted across his collarbones as Kuwabara sighed, as if he'd heard Yusuke's thought and was irritated by it.

"Take it easy, big guy," Yusuke murmured. "Not going anywhere." At some point he'd leaned his cheek on top of Kuwabara's head, sweat and grass and pomade mingling in his nose. As much as part of him needed to stay alert, keep watch for threats, be ready to defend himself, he was just too tired. He let himself stay where he was, not thinking of much, listening to Kuwabara breathe and the muffled shift and clatter of the train around them.

Quietly, Botan slipped back into her seat across from Yusuke. When she set down her bag, it was clear that the pickle jar was gone. So, Randou had been delivered to the proper authorities, whoever that was. Botan's eyes were glassy, and she was blinking furiously. She'd forgotten to close her eyes before she left her body again. Heh. It would be sort of cute if it weren’t so damn unsettling. She smiled drowsily at Yusuke, taking in the tableau of him and Kuwabara sitting peacefully together.

“Don’t,” Yusuke said, heading off whatever cutesy crap she was about to say. He was too tired and semi-comfortable to move, but she could shut up about it.

Botan’s eyes twinkled. “I didn’t say anything!”

[vgckwb]

P5R: Rebel Girl (A FeMC Story/P5R Rework) Chapter 57: Ducks in a Row

That night. Sae stood in front of a doorway. She knocked. Naoko answered. “Ah, Sae. What brings you here?”

“Don’t play dumb with me!” She shouted. She held up the manifesto. “Did you really think I wouldn’t know this was from you? I could turn you in, you know.”

Naoko looked at it. “Ah, I think I heard some of my buddies who are still on the force talking about this.”

“Cut the crap!” Sae said.

Naoko chuckled. “Sorry. But you can’t pin this on me with just this little note. Have you found any hard evidence that points this to me?” Sae glared at him. “Still, even if I was the one behind it, why bother coming to me at all?”

“I’m giving you a chance to stop,” Sae said. “As a courtesy to my father.”

“Heh,” Naoko said. “Classic Sae; always wanting to help others, but doesn’t know how to show it.”

“Forgive me for not be appreciative of premeditated murder” Sae shot back.

Naoko was impressed with Sae’s tenacity. But he was still unshaken from his new found path. “Tell me, is this manifesto the first new thing you’ve heard about Kaneshiro? At least for a while?”

“Why do you ask?” Sae responded.

“I’m just saying,” Naoko said. “Another trademark of Classic Sae is that you’re always so focused on everything else that you don’t know what’s going on in front of your own eyes.”

Sae got angrier. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Naoko chuckled. “How IS Makoto doing these days?”

Sae grabbed Naoko. “You leave her out of this!”

“How can I when she’s already in so deep?!” Naoko retorted. The two stared at each other for a while.

Eventually, Sae let go, and proceeded to leave. “I can’t protect you if you get caught, you know” she threatened before she got out of earshot. Naoko had a blank look on his face as he closed the door.

The next day, Makoto met with the student council. She stood firm. “OK. We’ve been looking into the incidents of students being harassed by gang members, and we’ve gotten rather far. However, I think we’ve reached the end of our capacity to do anything.” There were some murmurs, while Kisa looked disheartened. “However,” Makoto continued, causing Kisa to perk up a little, “I have given the information to people who can help solve the problem. So we can rest assured that this will be resolved. When is a little ambiguous, but it will be before exams. With that, you are dismissed.” Everyone nodded and broke off. Well, almost.

Kisa stood still as everyone left. When the last person left, she told Makoto. “Thank you.” Makoto nodded. Kisa left.

After Kisa left. Makoto loosened up a litte, then got serious. “The real fight starts now.”

After school, Ren messaged Makoto.

Ren: You busy?

Makoto: Not really. Why?

Ren: I was thinking we could head out as a group to get our facts straight.

Ren: And since you’re part of the group now…

Makoto: I see.

Makoto: I’m glad to.

Ren: Great!

Ren: I guess just meet us outside.

They put their phones away and met up; heading toward the access panel hideout. Once they arrived, Ren said “So, here we are. I know it’s not much, but it is what it is.”

“Huh,” Makoto said. “Isn’t this a bit open?”

“Well, that’s sort of the point,” Sumire said, defending the choice. “We’re essentially hiding in plain sight.”

“Right, but if someone is looking for you, they might not have to look all too hard,” Makoto said. “Before all of this, I have followed you here a few times in my investigations of you.”

“Oh” Sumire said, dejected.

“However, I think I may have a solution!” Makoto said. “Oh, but I’m new here. I might be overstepping my bounds a bit.”

Ren smiled. “Not at all. We’re a team here. Everyone’s input is valid.”

“Well, in that case, ” Makoto said, “I have an ice cream shop with our name on it.”

“Ummmm” Sumire said. “It’s not that I don’t like that idea, but we did discuss this before, and we decided that maybe going to a food place for our hideout might be a bit of a distraction.”

“Oh. Yeah, I guess I can see that” Makoto said. “Well, does anyone mind the hideout being in Kichijoji then? I know of a place there that could work.”

“Well, it IS a fair distance away,” Yusuke noted. “And I only have so much money…”

“Um, we can just use the Metaverse funds,” Ryuji said.

“Wait, that place gives out real money?” Makoto said. “Isn’t that dangerous?”

“Well, if it is, it’s too late now,” Ren said. “But I haven’t had any problems. It’s almost as if the economy is taking this all into consideration.”

“Well, I haven’t heard about any big economic problems…” Makoto thought. “So, I guess it’ll be alright.”

“Hold on,” Ann said. “While money might not be an issue, we’d have to go from Shibuya to Kichijoji, then back to Shibuya for any missions..”

“Oh. Right” Makoto said.

“Well, maybe we can go to this place just to hang out sometime” Ryuji offered.

Makoto smiled. “I’d like that.”

“So, I guess we’re staying here then,” Jose said. “Unless we have any other ideas.”

“I think here is fine for now,” Yusuke said. “But this Kaneshiro person IS a rather big fish. Once we change his heart, it might be a good idea to find someplace else to meet up.”

“That’s a good point,” Makoto said. “And if and when Naoko’s note goes public, that’ll only further fan the flames.”

“Speaking of Kaneshiro though,” Morgana interjected, “that’s something else we need to discuss. Our previous two big targets are ones at least some of us were familiar with. This will be the first time we’re going in mostly blind.”

“Yeah,” Ren said. “On the one hand, that’s a sort of comfort. We’re not learning anything deep and disgusting about someone we know already.”

“But on the other hand, that doesn’t prepare us well for what’s to come,” Sumire countered. “Which is a difficulty of its own.”

“True” Yusuke agreed. “Sometimes when you roll the iron dice, you come up snake eyes. So maybe some knowledge would be beneficial in tipping that scale.”

“Well, from what Kisa has told me from her interaction, he’s really aggressive and belligerent,” Makoto explained. “He’s really more invested in his bottom line than anything, and he’ll do anything to get it.”

“You said you’ve done some research as well…” Ann added.

“Yes,” Makoto replied. “He’s a really big name in the criminal underworld. Although, from what I could tell, he’s a bit different from people you’d usually find down there.”

“How so?” Morgana asked.

“I’m not sure entirely, but from the looks of things, even some in the criminal underworld are afraid of him,” Makoto explained. “And those who aren’t seem almost disgusted with him.”

“Huh. Maybe this uniqueness might explain why HE’S the gangster with a palace” Jose rationalized.

“That’s not a bad assumption,” Ren said.

“Hm,” Ryuji grunted. “Sounds like this guy is gonna be coming at anyone who doesn’t like him with full force.”

“But at the same time, he sounds like he might have a few tricks up his sleeve,” Jose added.

“Yeah. Dude definitely fights dirty” Ryuji said.

“So we need a strong approach, but the ability to think on the fly,” Yusuke said. “Well, if that’s not Ren, I don’t know what is.”

“Aw, you’re making me blush” Ren said, grinning ear to ear. “But don’t just sing my praises.” She looked at Makoto. “Our newest recruit has that moxie in her too.”

Makoto was stunned. “Oh, well…”

“Don’t worry, it's a compliment” Ren said. “You’re one of us now.”

“Oh. Well then thank you” Makoto said, embarrassed about this for reasons she couldn’t explain.

“I think that’s everything we can surmise about Kaneshiro” Ann said. “So, what about Naoko?”

Makoto was surprised. “Oh, well, there’s a lot I know about him. In a lot of ways, he’s like a second father to me. He’s usually an affable person; that’s part of the reason he and my father worked so well together. My father was a little more reserved, but was always open to almost anything. They both knew when to take things seriously, but they also both knew when to crack jokes, or just have fun. Naoko was a bit more louder on that front though.

He’d come over sometimes, and we grew close. Eventually, we met his sister, and that’s when Kisa and I became friends. My father and Naoko would take us to the ice cream shop I mentioned earlier whenever they solved a big case. It was a nice little way of getting everyone in on the celebration.”

Makoto took a brief pause. “But when my father died in the line of duty, Naoko grew frustrated. He was upset not only by the loss of his partner and friend, but also that the police, the very institution he served, didn’t seem to take the investigation into it all that seriously. So, in a fury, he quit, and became a private investigator.”

“Woah,” Jose said.

“That’s quite a story…” Ann said.

After a moment of silence, Ryuji bursted out with “I’m sorry.” Everyone looked at him. “It’s just,” he sighed, “I told him about you, and Kisa, and then he figured it out, and it set him off on this crusade. If I hadn’t said anything…”

“Don’t beat yourself up, Sakamoto,” Makoto said. “Naoko is a brilliant detective. I’m sure he would have figured it out, especially if Kisa was involved.” Makoto grew serious again. “Naoko’s wife died of cancer four years into their marriage. So Kisa’s the closest thing he has to a child, so he’s very protective. My sister and I are the second closest, and he can be a bit protective with us too.”

“He’s lost his wife and his partner,” Yusuke remarked. “That’s...a lot to deal with…”

“But I get it,” Sumire said. “I’d hate to lose anyone else right now too…” Ren looked over, glanced around, and gave Sumire a gentle side-hug. Sumire smiled. “Thanks.”

“Right…” Makoto said, acknowledging she knows, but not actually saying anything.

After another silence, Jose summarized “So, Naoko is also bringing his full force to bear.”

“Yeah,” Makoto said. “Which means we need to swing for the fences ourselves. If we’re going to save Naoko and Kisa, and make Kaneshiro confess to his crimes, we CAN’T afford to slip up.”

Ren started up a slow clap. Pretty soon, the rest of the Phantom Thieves joined in, aside from Morgana because paws can’t clap, but he wanted to. “Spoken like a true leader,” Ren said.

“Oh” Makoto said, surprised and embarrassed. “But aren’t you the leader?”

“Of the Phantom Thieves, sure” Ren said. “But you’re the head of the student council, and I can see why now.”

“Speaking of, I should also apologize,” Ann said. “I was really frustrated with the whole Kamoshida thing, and I thought you were among the people who wouldn’t hear me when I was screaming, and I took out some of my frustration on you. But I realize now that you would. So, I’m sorry.”

Makoto walked up and gave Ann a hug. “It’s OK. I’m sure it wasn’t easy what you were going through. And I get it. You thought those things of me because someone wanted you to. But now I’m working on trying to find myself and stand up for who I am. If anything, I’m the one who’s sorry.”

Ann broke out in tears and hugged Makoto back. After she finished crying, Ann grew determined. “I forgive you. You had a lot of pressure on you too. I can’t be mad at that. I know what that's like.”

Makoto smiled. “I forgive you too, Takamaki.”

Ann giggled. “Thanks. But, um, could you just call me Ann? And could I just call you Makoto?”

Makoto giggled in response. “I don’t see why not.” She looked over the group. “I think the offer extends to everyone as well. We’re all friends, right?”

“Of course,” Yusuke said.

“Uh-huh,” Jose said.

“Yeah!” Ryuji exclaimed.

“I’d like that,” Sumire said.

“I’ve been kind of doing it anyway,” Ren admitted.

“Heh heh” Morgana chuckled. “Makoto’s good for this world… But what do we call you, shall we say, professionally?”

“What?” Ryuji said.

“Her thief name…” Morgana said. “I was trying to be discreet.”

“You could just say it outright,” Ryuji fired back. “Only we can hear you, ya know.”

“Well, it’s still cool…” Morgana retorted.

“Hm, that is a good question, regardless” Ren said. She turned to Makoto. “Well what do you want to be?”

“Oh, what about ‘Biker’?” Ryuji suggested.

“Pass!” Makoto said. “It’s too obvious.”

“I agree,” Yusuke said.

“Your name is FOX’ Ryuji said. “If that’s not obvious…”

“It is,” Yusuke agreed. “But my name is reflective of a bold stroke, and as an artist, I prefer that boldness. But Makoto is more elegant and tactical. She should have a name that reflects as such.”

“Thank you, Yusuke,” Makoto said, smiling.

Ryuji hung his head. “One of these days, I really need to learn to shut my mouth.”

“Why not ‘Prez’?” Ann suggested. “Since she’s the student council president.”

“Well, that’s also a bit obvious,” Makoto informed her. “Just in a different direction.”

“Oh” Ann said.

“Heh heh” Ren chuckled. “Elegant? Tactical? I have a name that’s all that AND more.”

“Oh? By all means” Makoto invited.

“‘Queen’” Ren suggested.

Makoto thought about it. She smiled. “Queen it is.”

“Heh heh” Morgana chuckled. “I was just about to suggest that as well.” Ren raised her first up. Morgana bumped it with his paw.

“So, now that that’s all settled” Sumire said, “all that’s left is to finalize the end date.”

“Right,” Makoto said. “The note Naoko left was fairly clear. He’s going to find and kill Kaneshiro by the 11th of July. So, we have until then.”

“Well then, I suggest we get prepared,” Ren said. Everyone nodded. “Dismissed.” Everyone smiled and headed off in their own direction.

That night, at the Niijima household, Makoto and Sae were eating dinner. Sae was glancing at Makoto. Makoto took notice of this. “Is something on your mind?” Makoto asked.

Sae looked deep into her eyes. “Is there anything going on I should know about?” she asked.

“What do you mean?” Makoto responded.

“Are you doing alright?” Sae continued. “Outside of school stuff?”

It took Makoto a second to realize. She read the manifesto too. Of course she would know Naoko wrote it. Does that mean she met with him? Makoto answered “Oh. Well, the truth is, there have been some incidents of gangsters harassing some of the students.”

Sae slammed the table. “What?”

“Ah,” Makoto yelped.

Sae glared at her, but slid her fist back down to her side. “Sorry. But why didn’t you say anything?”

“Well, I wanted to gather as much information as I could before I told you…” Makoto said. “But things got out of hand, and in a desperate move…”

Sae was concerned. “What?”

“...I posted a message asking the Phantom Thieves for help,” Makoto finished.

“WHAT?!” Sae said, surprised.

“I know,” Makoto said. “It was dumb, but I didn’t know what else to do. But I realized I shouldn’t, and deleted the post like 15 minutes after I made it. But the Phantom Thieves took notice of it anyway, and started messaging me.”

“They MESSAGED you?” Sae said, still in disbelief.

Makoto nodded. “And they’re using some sort of advanced programming, so the messages were deleted. They really don’t want to leave a trace. So, they agreed to help me, and I helped them out too by giving them the information I collected.”

Sae looked at Makoto, and then the table. This SOUNDS a bit suspicious,  she looked back up, but I don’t think Makoto would lie about this kind of thing. Perhaps Naoko stumbled across the investigation the Phantom Thieves were making with Makoto’s information. If that’s the case, he might know who they are, or at least one of them. Still, I don’t think he’s in the mood to tell me right now. Sae sighed. “Well, I’m glad you told me the truth.”

Makoto sighed. “Thanks sis.”

“Just try to be more careful in the future,” Sae reminded her. “You might be safe now, but if things even remotely look like they might get out of hand, you come tell me right away. Or at least someone who can handle it.”

“Right…” Makoto said, feeling a sting that was unintended and unnoticed by Sae, but it hurt all the same.

Later, when Makoto was in her room, pondering her sister’s behavior and attitude, she thought aloud “Sis… You’ve changed too… I know the you I once knew is in there somewhere…” She glanced at her phone. Curious, she picked it up, loaded the Metaverse app, and gently whispered “Sae Niijima.”

“Match found” the phone responded. Makoto looked at it. Her sister’s name was in black, but unlike Kaneshiro’s the two following lines were also in black. Makoto was a little relieved, since no one was trying to actively kill her sister, but at the same time, she grew worried, since her sister had a palace of her own.

“Well… if no one’s trying to kill her…” Makoto said. “It might be better to hold onto this for now…” She set her phone down, changed into her pajamas, and got under her covers to go to sleep.

[iconsumeheadcanons]

P4 x P5 crossover

there are very slight p5r spoilers but its kinda just using some lines from the bad end like just a little ref...so up to you i guess :p

Ren (our protag) goes home to Inaba with Mona. Kinda connected to my other headcanons: his ‘family’ includes his mother, his step-dad, his younger half-brother (step bro? idk), and his twin brother Akira. Akira usually lives with their mother’s ex husband, but something is going on court-wise that he has been deemed unfit for child care, which is why Akira is back with his mother. For now Akira sleeps in the room where his father used to practice tea ceremonies.

The twins kinda reconnect but things are very different and they didn’t have contact at all last year so Ren is surprised to see Akira. Ren is still kinda (not) dealing with all of the stuff from the last very many months, and Akira is still kinda not dealing with how messed up things are with his dad and the fact that he’s pretty sure his brother is The Phantom Thief but absolutely no one in the Amamiya household will acknowledge it so he feels like he’s going crazy. Especially the weird cat Ren brought back home that he keeps talking to.

Anyway, Akira’s not really going to school and Ren’s going to Yasogami (the high school he didn’t get expelled from) so Akira doesn’t know what is going on until he comes back from his part-time to see his mother and her husband arguing over the whereabouts of Ren. Apparently he skipped school that day. Ren doesn’t come home that night and the adults argue over calling the police since Ren won’t answer his phone. Akira avoids them and instead searches Ren’s bedroom for his cat or any sign that he might’ve packed up and left. He finds neither so he goes to bed and tries to remind himself that Ren survived in Tokyo kinda on his own and that this is not the first time he’s gone off to be stupid.

Ren still doesn’t show up at school or the house the next day. Step-dad wants to call the police because Ren is missing and he’s causing trouble and stress for the family. (“Clearly last year taught him nothing.”). Mother doesn’t want to call the police because she’s tired of police stuff and she doesn’t want this kind of stuff to keep affecting their family. Mostly she’s worried about how this will affect her youngest son. She’s losing the argument mostly because she’s losing conviction in herself as a ‘good mother’. 

Akira can’t handle their argument so he goes upstairs and finds Morgana trying to paw open the sliding door of Ren’s bedroom and meowing a whole lot. Akira opens the door for the kitty wondering if the talkative kitty just wants to sleep in Ren’s room like usual. Instead the cat paws at Ren’s laptop. Akira opens it and stares at the very intelligent looking animal. Mona unlocks the laptop (“Wait--is that his password?! That’s stupid as hell.” “Meow...”) and tries to get Akira to do something but Akira is mostly shocked so Mona uses a pen on paper to write, “Video Futaba.”

Akira doesn’t know who Futaba is, but he follows Mona’s instructions. He doesn’t find a Futaba in Ren’s contacts but Mona gestures at the one called ‘lil sis :3c’ so Akira calls.

In Tokyo, Futaba’s on a people-watching walk with Yusuke late afterschool when she gets a video call from the recent ghost Ren. She asks the person who she thinks is her pseudo brother where he's been and if he’s all good, but Mona jumps in before Akira can say anything and Mona starts talking away. Curious about the existence of a twin brother that they never knew existed before but more concerned for Ren’s safety, Futaba and Yusuke ask Akira to convince the adults to NOT call the police because Ren will definitely freak out while they call the rest of the group together to figure out what they can do. Futaba says she hasn’t been able to track Ren at all in the past two days and she’s worried he’s gone somewhere service doesn’t matter (like the metaverse). Akira tentatively asks if they and Morgana are part of the Phantom Thieves and Futaba’s like, “Duhhhhh,” and Yusuke very intimidatingly informs Akira not to get the authorities involved in any manner. Futaba says they’ll call back in an hour and hangs up, so Akira decides to get right to work (bc Phantom thieves can be very scary even if they arent trying).

Downstairs Akira tries to appeal with emotions. He warns the adults how calling the police to find Ren will not end well because Ren has had so many bad experiences already and anything that happens will not help Ren try to stay out of more trouble. Step-dad is mad that Ren wouldn’t trust law enforcement and Mother is just so-so tired of the whole mess. Akira doesn’t normally stand up against bullshit (normally Ren’s thing) but Akira is done with this so he’s like, “Of course he doesn’t trust the police! He’s the Leader of the Phantom Thieves and the police put him in fucking solitary! He’s never gonna trust you again after this either!” something like that.

Step-dad and mom are upset and they say Ren was doing the wrong things as a Phantom blah blah. Akira argues that the Thieves exposed bad people including the wrong-doings in the government where the law enforcement works, but the adults won’t hear it so Akira stops talking, turns and grabs a jacket, and leaves the house. It’s late, it’s raining, and Mona follows behind even when Akira climbs on his bike to go out and try to find Ren by himself.

The two end up at Samegawa after checking under bridges, mostly soaked and irritated when they spot a group of people up on the road with three umbrellas. Souji and Yosuke, Yukiko and Chie, and Kanji and Teddie are strolling around, hanging out, and what-not when they spot a teenager, a cat, and a ruined bike by the water. Souji goes down to help them because of course, and everyone follows because of course. Akira recognises like half of them and he’s wary these random adults just seem to bypass the distrust in the air by collectively worrying over him and his poor poor kitty.  

Teddie thinks he recognizes the teen because he’s like, “Ren-kun? Why aren’t you at work today! You abeardoned me to unpack the freezer by my lonesome!” And Akira stares because he didn’t know Ren works at Junes. Yosuke tries to hop in but Akira cuts them off and explains that Ren has been missing for two days and he’s trying to find him before the police get involved. If these adults want to help out so bad then maybe they can look for Ren too. Yosuke and Teddie get confused though because they both saw Ren at work yesterday. The rest of the adults also mention seeing him around town yesterday as well, including when they went into Junes before they…

Akira is confused about all the glances they give each other, but Yukiko quickly catches on and asks if Akira thinks Ren might have been stalking them, and Akira gets offended. (Yukiko wasn’t making a serious accusation, she was just trying to distract Akira from the fact that they almost admitted to the existence of the TV World.) Chie asks what would be wrong with calling the police, and Akira says, “Bad experience,” ready to ditch these random people and continue his search, but Yosuke goes wide-eyed and urges Akira to wait. Yosuke clearly understands some of what Akira meant and says they’ll help out, especially since they were the last to see Ren.

They go to Junes where Yosuke unlocks the back door (after Kanji searches around any place in the area that delinquents like to hide. It’s raining too much for anyone to be out.) They check the worker room to look through any of Ren’s stuff. They don’t find anything weird until Souji points out that Ren signed into work yesterday but never signed out. Now that doesn’t indicate everything, but the weird hours he worked yesterday do, mostly because they line up with the time that the group went to Junes yesterday. Chie investigates on the security footage and finds video of Ren sneakily following the group around the department store until they finally end up at...the electronics section.

All the adults + Teddie get real quiet and Akira and Morgana get real angry about all the silence. Akira asks why the camera is angled so weird over the TVs, and why the adults had gone into the electronic section and had not come out until an hour later, or why they don’t see footage of his brother away he followed them into the TV area. No one says anything right away so he asks if they hurt him or if they did something magic to them, like put him some place where his team couldn’t track him. Kanji jumps up to defend them all to say they didn’t even know Ren was actually following them and that they would never hurt a kid, but of course Akira has many reasons to not believe a stranger, so they’re both very tense. Souji tries to stop the fighting when suddenly the old CR in the room turns on.

P5R spoilers sorta!!! But the Midnight Channel shows an Asia-based fantasy world where Ren (with horns because you know he would want them) is in a version of Leblanc soaking dishes in a pail of water when Sojiro (plain but nice human) walks over and mentions that he wishes Ren wouldn’t have to go back to his hometown. Ren asks to stay forever and Sojiro agrees, talking about how happy their little weird family is now. They tease each other over the honesty, but they both look happy. The Midnight Channel shows this like a scene in a drama and the camera does a close up of Ren’s genuine happiness until there are sudden distorted voices telling their vile prisoner to focus. The camera pans out to show Ren alone in a dark, gross, blue prison cell wearing ragged clothes and his hands bound behind him. Someone opens a cell door, and judging by Ren’s unmasked trepidation, whatever follows next will not be good. The clip ends with an echoing slam of the bar doors behind the visitor.

In the darkness following the end of the clip, the IT members all freak out over the recurrence of the whole thing while Akira numbly checks his phone . He didn’t realise he had gotten messages, but they are all from someone who is somehow in his phone as Alibaba. The messages are asking where the hell is he and that there better not be police involved and that the only reason he shouldn’t be looking at his phone is because he fell asleep or something. Judging by the (loud, knowing) reactions around him and Morgana scratching at the door, Akira thinks he understands what is going on and why that Phantom Thief said that she hadn’t been able to track Ren. Akira leaves a message that says, “I think I know where he is,” and then he turns to the others and says that it's obviously some sort of magic that they know about and if they won’t help him out further, than he and his brother’s magic cat will do it on their own.

Of course that is a problem so the IT goes nonono we’ll do this this is our job let’s go, and Akira successfully swindled the IT into shutting up and helping. They all go inside the TV where Morgana can stand on two legs, Teddie is in a bearsuit, and the world is gorgeous and bright. The IT gets straight to work, Teddie sniffing, everyone putting on glasses, and trying to explain things to Mona and Akira. They don’t have to explain much because Mona understands most of it already and he’ll likely ask Lady Lavenza later. Akira is so confused about talking cat-shaped embodiment of hope and this entire night, so Souji urges them to focus on at least finding Ren. 

Teddie can only confirm that someone is in the World, just not who or where, so they need more info. Chie suggests leaving for the night and coming back with more info or maybe sleep? Guys? But Akira is worried out of his shit and Morgana is angry at Ren for running off so they start saying as much as they can think of. Akira mentions Ren’s obsession (big ol’ crush) with Naoto when they were in middle school (to everyone’s great discomfort), Ren’s average grades, and Ren’s favorite color. Mona mentions that Ren is a phantom thief (to the IT’s great surprise) and that recently they had a...disagreement.

Two days ago, Ren decided to skip school. Morgana had said that if he didn’t keep his grade up and/or his attendance, Ren would get in trouble and his mom would never let him go back to see everyone in Tokyo. Ren, who had been oddly quiet and down the past few days, suddenly got angry and said if Morgana wanted to go back to everyone so bad, then he should have never followed Ren to Inaba. Morgana said he came home with Ren to watch over him and keep him out of trouble, but Ren said there was no trouble that he hadn’t gotten into already and that he doesn’t need anyone breathing down his neck. Mona got pissed and asked why Ren wouldn’t want him (his roommate for a whole year!!) here when no one else was friendly, but Ren didn’t answer and left.

Morgana hadn’t seen Ren since they argued, and he didn’t understand why Ren had been so angry all of a sudden, but Akira realized quickly. Yes, the twins aren’t very close anymore, but Akira says that Ren won’t ever ask for help even from people he trusts. Ren stands up for others all the time, but rarely does anything for himself. When their parents divorced and the twins were split up, Ren only got mad for Akira’s sake. Ren definitely doesn’t see Inaba as home anymore (maybe not even since Akira and Dad left), but he’d rather send a friend home (his REAL home) than both deal with his feelings and drag friends into it.

This is plenty of info for Teddie but before they go Souji reassures Mona and Akira that they’ll find Ren, help him talk, and help him be some place where he’ll be happy and supported. (Souji works as a social worker so kids can find homes like he did when he came to Inaba.) They all set off in a direction and they find what seems to be a fantasy village of similar looks to the clip from the Mayonaka TV. Morgana starts to recognise some of the streets as streets in Yongenjaya so he leads the way to the street Leblanc is on. They get interrupted by the guy who owns the second-hand shop. He starts talking to Akira and Mona like he knows them (he’s assuming they were hit by a witch’s spell that changed their appearances) and says he’ll always give them a discount for everything they do for the community. 

This is confusing wording so Mona points out that the man sells them materials for tools when they can’t get enough from the Metaverse. The man shouldn’t know what Ren does with those tools. Souji points out that this area they’re in does not seem to be wealthy, so maybe their Phantom Thievery has supported the area. They head to Leblanc to investigate more.  

[welcometohashihigh]

Meeting the Cast: Akira

Akira ran to his classroom, his breath coming in short gasps. He couldn’t believe he was late on his first day. Not again, he thought. He slid to a stop in front of the door and flung it open, revealing only two students. He checked his watch, then looked up at the clock on the wall. Damn, he forgot to adjust the time for Tokyo. 

Akira looked up at the two students, familiarity shooting through him. They were the two boys from his vision! The gray haired one was at least attempting to get some sort of work done while the blue haired one was doing his best annoy the gray one. When Akira slid the door open, both had looked up, a minor amount of shock crossing over their faces. He felt like he had intruded somewhat.

“Ah, s-sorry to disturb both of you.” Akira was about to walk away when the blue haired one spoke up. His voice was voice was soft and almost monotone.

“No, its ok. Come on in, we weren’t busy.” The gray haired one glared at the small boy. 

Akira walked in and sat down next to the two. “I’m Kurusu Akira. Are you two part of the cultural exchange?” He felt odd sitting close to them. The only other time he saw them was the vision of battle, and both had looked much different then. 

The blue haired one nodded. “Yeah. This class is supposed to be everyone who’s part of it. Arisato Minato.” He smiled very softly, like he didn’t do it often. Arisato wore a small pair of headphones over his school uniform. His voice was light, but staring into his eyes Akira found a rather similar look. He wasn’t sure why, but whenever he looked in the mirror recently his eyes had this dark gleam in them. He didn’t have it until…. Well the more he thought about it, the gleam had only shown up after he had ‘died’ by Akechi’s hands. Perhaps that was it. The look of someone who not only saw death, but truly felt it.

“I’m Narukami Yu.” Narukami adjusted his glasses, a pair of thick black frames with a few colorful stripes on the side. “It’s supposed to be a rather large mix of different years. Not sure who else is supposed to be here, besides some of my friends from Yasogami High. I heard some students from a nearby school are coming too.” Narukami seemed friendly enough. His gray eyes were hard as stone though, filled with a rather odd intensity. They flickered when he mentioned his friends, as is fear had flashed through them.

“A nearby school?” Akira thought about it. There were lots of local schools, but his mind went straight to Shujin. Though he doubted all of his friends would end up here. And Yusuke went to Kosei anyway. He felt his heart drop at the mention of friends, especially since Narukami was going to get to spend his school year with his. 

“My friends from Gekkoukan High are a part too.” Arisato sighed. Despite his teasing of Narukami, he seemed to have a rather lax personality. “There was another school. Just one student, one who volunteered. I heard rumors he only came because of the free food.”

Now that sounded like Yusuke. “Were the other two schools Shujin and Kosei?” Akira couldn’t keep the hopefulness out of his voice. He truly missed his friends. 

Narukami shrugged. “Maybe, I don’t exactly remember. All I really remember was that Yasogami was on the list.” He continued to do his work rather dutifully. The two seemed like such interesting people. 

“You really only care about the Investigation Team, huh?” Arisato teased, a small smirk pulling at his mouth. “It’s fine, you know. S.E.E.S. would absolutely destroy you guys anyway.”

“Huh?” Akira was confused. Was that their friend groups? They had odd names, but then again… he still referred to the group as the Thieves. Despite the Phantom Thieves technically being done, the friends still talked and hung out when they could. 

Narukami looked up, a little worried. He shot an angry glare at Arisato, before responding. “Well, you see-”

“Yu!” An incredibly happy voice burst into the room. Narukami instantly perked up as a tall, brown haired boy walked in. “Sorry for taking so long, Chie wanted to finish her breakfast.” Narukami stood and walked over to the boy as five more people walked in behind him. 

Akira smiled at the onslaught of people. They must have been the students from Yasogami High, considering how friendly they were with Narukami. He couldn’t deny that he felt a pang of jealousy. 

The group made their way to their seats, still chattering. Arisato turned away, apparently not interested in further teasing with Narukami. Once it started to settle down, Akira introduced himself. “Hi, I’m Kurusu Akira-”

The brown haired boy grabbed his hand too eagerly. “Hi Akira! I’m Hanamura Yosuke.” Akira felt odd, but not bad at hearing Hanamura call him by his first name. The boy reminded him of Ryuji. He smiled at the memory. When he and Ryuji had first met, the boy had absolutely refused to call Akira by his family name. He had found it slightly off putting at first, but he grew used to it. 

A girl with short, light brown hair and extremely intelligent eyes laughed at Hanamura. “What was that, Yosuke? I’m Satonaka Chie, but go ahead and call me Chie.”

“It’s….” Akira giggled. He found the group absolutely charming. “It’s nice to meet all of you.” Narukami seemed to be the odd one out, with his larger stature and softer personality, but all of his friends liked him. Another pang of jealousy hit him. Damn, he really missed his friends. 

“Akira! Holy shit!” That was a voice he recognized. Akira stood quickly, almost tripping over himself to get to the source. There he was, the absolute idiot. 

“Ryuji! I didn’t think I’d see you until later!” Akira felt elated, his heart fluttering. He pulled Ryuji into a tight hug, though what was behind him shocked him even further. “Ann? Makoto? Yusuke?!” The entire group was here, apparently just as surprised that their leader was here too. 

“Akira, we… we all volunteered for the exchange program, since we already knew each other. We never expected you to be here too.” Makoto smiled softly, clearly happy to be back with the gang. “The Thieves are all back together again.”

“Well, almost all of us.” Ann noted the absence of Morgana with a sad note. It was true, Morgana hadn’t come back with Akira to Tokyo. The group seemed a little downtrodden, but then Akira remembered. 

“Oh, well I promised I would video call him tonight. I’m sure he’d love to see you guys too!”

“The Thieves? Wait, are you guys talking about the Phantom Thieves?” Chie looked over at the new group, and Akira felt his heart drop. Oh. Just because they beat Yaldabaoth didn’t mean that people just forgot about the Thieves. “Do you guys remember that from last year? That was crazy to watch! Oh, but they were so cool!” Chie seemed oddly optimistic. 

“Ah, right. I lived in Tokyo at the time, so they were a little… up close and personal.” Akira cast a sharp glance at the others. His message was clear; we weren’t the Thieves. He walked back to his seat with them, everyone sitting down and chattering. People introduced themselves, laughs were exchanged. Akira felt happy, relishing in the wonderful people he was surrounded by. 

“It was weird though. Didn’t the very police say that the leader of those Thieves was dead? But then he turned up all of a sudden! Completely unharmed!” Hanamura pondered the logistics of Akira’s death. A small boyish looking person, who sat really close to the largest of the group, spoke with a firm voice. Akira remembered that their name was Shirogane Naoto. 

“It was very odd, yes. We weren’t in Tokyo at the time but the stories circulated everywhere. I myself watched that calling card several times over, trying to figure out how this ‘Phantom Thief’ managed to escape death.”

“Perhaps he was as crafty as the gentlemen thieves of legend.” Akira smiled sincerely. Ann had looked ready to try and bullshit, but knowing how horrible her acting was, he decided to step in. “We liked them so much we decided that we’d name ourselves after them.”

“While I agree that the Phantom Thieves were quite the spectacle, imitating them is probably a bad idea. What happened earlier this spring doesn’t just go away.” A tall girl with long red hair walked in. She didn’t seem to be from Yasogami or Shujin, but Arisato jumped up. 

“Mitsuru! Junpei!” It was weird to hear Arisato sound so excited. He didn’t seem like the type to really get excited. But Akira couldn’t deny it was almost cute. Arisato greeted the group that just showed up. The room was starting to get full. 

“Oh, I’m glad everyone is here finally.” A tall woman strode in. She looked young, with short black hair and wire glasses. “I’m Mrs. Tori, I’ll be your homeroom teacher. Welcome to Hashi High.”

[moldy-mold]

Diary Post: My Thoughts and Processes on Making “Silent Strength” It’s lengthy, taking place over long period of time. Mainly written for my future-self to remember what I went through, but also for anyone who is curious. Now that the project is over, I can post without reservations. There are certain things I need to keep secret though, so if I’m vague I do so intentionally!

Basically, a lot of number-crunching, physical labor, and psychological labor.

It started off as kind of a joke tweet I made. I had enough content to make a Tales Of art book and people were receptive to it. So… I thought maybe I could go somewhere with this. A few weeks later, I suddenly had a lot of Kratos art. Like. 80% of all my Tales art was Kratos. It didn’t make sense to make a broad Tales Of book when really most of it was Kratos.

I hadn’t made a book since I was in college despite it being one of my favorite things to do. They were never art books, just some editorial design projects that totally didn’t count. This book… would be my first-ever art book.

Several times, I came close to having enough art to print a book - the last time was my large collection of Yusuke Kitagawa, but the quality wasn’t where I wanted.  At that time, I was still experimenting with my iPad Pro and figuring out Procreate, so that was what I used him for.

NGL, I was pretty afraid of looking like a clown. After doing all this work, what if no one actually buys it? I was talking to some friends and they said they would buy it. It was enough for me. In the end, I’m creating something that I love. - The first thing I really wanted to work on was the cover. It needed to be epic but also mysterious (lol)… It was a good time to practice lighting and backgrounds. The cover had to be freaking Fantastic. I spent 3 days drawing nonstop. I was on vacation so I could spend full days just drawing. It was really intense. I would stop in the evenings to go for a run or else my legs would never get circulation again.

The hardest part was keeping it secret. I wanted to share it with the world right away bc I was so proud of it. Well, all I could do was show it to my parents and some close friends. They didn’t know who Kratos is, but it was obvious I was crazy about him.

Initially, I was doing some hand-lettering for the zine title instead of using a typeface. Tbh, I was so sure I was naming this zine “Blame Your Fate!” bc that is such an iconic line. But it just didn’t work with my cover, which looked… a little too serene for that. So… Silent Strength or Divine Strength? I asked around and got my answer.

But what size? All of my art has been on letter canvases. I wanted it to be large so you could see the details in the art. I’ll just start with that. - Luckily, I had all my Kratos-related art in one place. I started my InDesign file and threw everything in there just to see what it looked like. Man, I draw a lot of boxes… But I didn’t want them all next to each other. I also wanted to kinda organize it by the people Kratos hangs out with. There’s a Yuan section LOL… and a Lloyd section… and an Anna section. Idk, I tried to get some kind of order in there with a sprinkling of full spreads here and there to keep it fresh and interesting for the eyes.

I hadn’t worked with InDesign on such an intense level since college. I forgot all of the tips and tricks we learned in class. Spent some time reading on how to do things again… like adding page numbers. - I started drafting my pre-order form. It’s my first time making a google form like this. It’s kind of fun? I spent a long time on it, despite how simple it was. This was going to be my “Store” so it had to look and sound good. - My friend introduced me to charm-making. It seemed easy enough, and I wanted to give my zine more oomph. Besides, I’ve always wanted to make a charm.

I remember someone saying they’d buy a book of just the 4 Seraphim if it existed. I like them too and they lack art imo. In the end, I decided to do a polaroid charm. It’s not really that unique but I wanted Kratos to have actual friends to hang out with for once LOL.

She was going to do a group order to try to reduce the costs. I thought maybe 4 weeks would give me enough time. In the end she said I only have 2. I work well under pressure, so needless to say, I did make that deadline. I actually sketched the whole thing on the plane headed home. - After playing the game the second time, watching the OVA again, and reading “Offerings to a Star,” I have gained a real soft spot for Yuan.  My friend once said, “If you weren’t stolen away by Kratos, you would be in love with Yuan.” Lol. I’ve been in a “Kratos and Yuan hanging out” mood lately, so of course I needed something good for the zine. They’re so cute together! Now… what is the bro-est thing I can draw?

I was currently in Florida for my friend’s wedding. I was friends with the groom and his best man since high school, so that makes it 10 years now. Seeing how they’re still friends after all this time, despite living in opposite sides of the country, was really moving to me. Of course, me being me, I could see Kratos and Yuan’s long friendship being similar to this, if they had gone to school together. I just had to draw it. - When I got back from vacation, I did some research on zine sizes. Mine was HUGE compared to others. I just didn’t quite realize it until I held a magazine in my hands. It really is huge…

I settled for a medium size. 7x9. I really liked how it looked. Petite but not too petite. Unfortunately resizing my book had messed up my artwork placement so I spent hours rearranging all the text and resizing my images. I found out afterwards that there’s a way to retain the format while changing the document size. Gee, that would have been helpful 4 hours ago.

Sadly, choosing a custom size booklet makes printing more expensive. But I wanted it badly enough that I’d be willing to pay for it. Letter size is just too large… - I decided to stop dragging my feet and post a promo. I just really needed a deadline for myself to get this all done before July ended. I’m happy it was well-received. A lot of people like Kratos huh…

Anyway, the pre-order is due in a week and I still don’t know what all the costs are yet. I need a physical proof ASAP to weigh at the post office! - Something possessed me one day to do another drawing. I don’t usually do painterly style (mainly because it’s really difficult and takes 10x longer) but I just REALLY wanted to push myself on this Final Piece to the zine. I wanted it to be… radiant. Almost religious. I worked on it obsessively. From breakfast to sundown. The only time I would stop was at 7pm to go running or else my legs would give out on me.

Call me crazy, but I would save my progress on my phone so I could examine it for errors during my warmup. I also spend an hour examining it for errors before going to bed. It’s a miracle I hadn’t dreamt of the painting. - I sent my files in on Sunday in hopes that they start working on it first thing on Monday…. and it HAPPENED! They finished before I even woke up. I think they start work at like 6am…

Of course, I drove over there as soon as I heard so I can get a look. “Please… please let the colors be okay,” I prayed as I was driving. I barely remember driving there, I was so lost in thought. It would be another long ordeal if I had to fix all the colors.

Thank the stars. The press proof looked BEAUTIFUL!! I was screaming to the client coordinator how much I loved it. I mean, I worried for a looooong time that everything would turn out too dark (it usually does) but it was PERFECT. I was especially worried about the cover, which contained a lot of yellow and I def did not want it to come out mustardy… But it was great in the end!

The press operator is a quiet man. He’s got a scary face and never smiles but I think he’s secretly nice. He has done a lot of favors for me in the past without my asking. He was the one to print, bind, and trim the book for me. Obviously he had to have seen what I was drawing. I wonder what he thought of it…? He walked away before I could express how happy and thankful was. He didn’t need to hear it. It was like he already knew. So cool…

I immediately took it to the post office to weigh it. I needed as much info as I could get and plus, I was dying to know for myself. This is the week I was supposed to open pre-orders and there was still a lot I needed to do. Take pictures, create mockups, pricing, etc.

NGL, all of these costs were building up fast. It was so darn expensive to make a zine while also keeping prices down. But I wanted so much more for my baby. Extra glossy cover, perfect binding!! I knew by the end of this, I probably wouldn’t make much money. It hurt a little, but I tried to think that it was for the greater good. Learning experience and all that. And creating something beautiful. Especially something beautiful of Kratos. - Pricing was really the hardest part. I pretty much threw profit out the window. However, I definitely did not want to be losing money. My dad and I had worked together to create a spreadsheet of expenses to make sure my head was above water. I followed it… loosely.

My friend came to talk to me at the right moment. I was sort of panicking at the prices. She made me realize I was thinking way too hard about it and gave me some tips based on her own experience. It really put my mind at ease talking to someone who understands my woes.

The truth of the matter is, the book is wonderfully made and has a lot of pages - countless hours of drawing. There is only so much I can do about pricing. It is what it is… I just needed to come to terms with my own worth. - Boy, what am I going to do once the zine is done? My friend says that I’ll be so over Kratos that I’ll stop drawing him (but the love remains). It’s like… all of the intense planning, working, struggling nonstop will just suddenly… stop. TBH, I’m running out of ideas. I spent it all on the zine. - Photoshoot today. I had to paint my nails purple for this occasion. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get the look I wanted in the apartment. It’s just so naked without props. I think I’ll take it to a cafe for some nicer backgrounds. I talked it over with my friend and decided to do a quick flip-through of the zine as a promotional video. I used the most professional video program I had on hand… Snapchat. It actually turned out pretty legit and of course I slapped stickers on there because it’s Snapchat.

I had to tape/hide some of the pages for the video because I wasn’t actually done with the drawings. I had the printers print it anyway so I could examine it for color accuracy.

I’m really stressed about pricing now. It turns out I had a lot more international fans than I anticipated. I wish I took notes on interest earlier in the game to cater to them. I had a list of “possible buyers” and I only just now decided to check where they live? Foolish.

I did another cost analysis on paper to figure out what my goal was to make up for the charms. Right now they’ve cost me a fortune for something that was supposed to be giveaway. Other things that rack up are packaging costs, PayPal fees, and some other supplies I needed for this project.

Maybe I shouldn’t have made it 40 pages. It is an impressive number, but no one is really paying for quantity. I think 25 is a better number lol. If I had done that, I could have had my super-gloss cover like I wanted. :’(

There is hope though. And I’ve placed it in the hands of my followers to come through for me. I think I’ll open pre-orders on Saturday or Sunday, depending on what I finish. - “Losing your cool will only lead to poor decisions.” 
Thanks, Kratos twitter bot. You always know what to say.

I read this post today on what makes people buy zines. Very interesting!
 https://twitter.com/andythelemon_/status/1141469048653398019 - Photoshoot part 2 today. My friend and I went to a cafe nearby that had some nice atmosphere in hopes of finding the right shots. I brought all of my Kratos merch just in case. I’m glad I did though, since the tables were pretty sparse and it was difficult to capture the backgrounds without getting a bunch of random people in it too.

I would have been the photographer, but I definitely wanted my hands in the shots. In a way, it was meaningful - to show that this was made by my own two hands. Plus, I wanted to depict natural interaction with the product. It made it feel real.

The photos were cute! I feared it would look a little amateurish with all the merch in there, but I think fun was what I was really going for, not “professional.” And plus the flip-through was a Snap anyway LOL. As long as the photos have good lighting and tasteful composition, you really can’t go wrong with “fun.”

Now that I’ve finished editing my photos, there really isn’t anything holding me back from opening pre-orders. I’ve pretty much come to terms with my pricing. If I fail to break even, I’ll just have to open commissions to try to make up for it. I was telling my friend on the way home, “I gave this zine EVERYTHING I had to give. So at the very least, I won’t be disappointed in myself.” No stone left unturned, no detail left unchecked. It was perfect according to my standards. I really love my zine okay?!

I thought I was crazy for not only choosing a small fandom, I narrowed it down even further by picking ONE GUY to make this zine about. She replied, “Even if it’s small, those people who love him now must be EXTREMELY LOYAL to still be in love with a character from a 15-year-old game. All of them will want your zine.” - I went to bed that night with the intention of making the pre-order post live in the morning. I was so nervous I couldn’t sleep. I was wide awake until at least 5 or 6 am. Luckily, I was able to doze off for a an hour or two before I would shake myself awake again. It was a mixture of anxiety and excitement. It was the moment of truth - to see if all my effort made a difference. Was it going to sell? - The pre-order post looked really freaking good. I’ll give it that. I even made a YT account just to post that darn preview video on tumblr lol. It was definitely fun seeing everyone’s excitement and we all just freaked out together.

I broke even! That’s what really matters. Honestly at this point, I couldn’t care less if I made profit or not. I now know how much people really like the zine and that alone made me so happy I could die.

I was particularly fascinated at Google Form’s ability to transfer all the data collected into a spreadsheet. That is extremely helpful. I spent hours organizing the data. It was really fun…?! Now I can tell who gets invoiced and who paid and separate them into categories. IT’S FANTASTIC!

Stayed up late researching how much adding tracking could be. I had a slight panic attack thinking “what if my books got lost in transit?” It would really hurt me to have to reprint books and ship them again. And then I realized I will need to fill out customs forms for all international orders. Yikes, I’m gonna be living at the post office lol. You can print them out at home if you fill out the form online but there are still some things I’m uncertain about. I may visit the post office later this week to ask all my questions. - This morning I sent out everyone’s invoices. I gave the international people the option to purchase tracking. It’s expensive… but I need to provide that option just in case.

I received a nice message from someone who offered to advertise for me on Instagram. Of course, I gave them the OK! I’m really so shocked they would do that… They said the liked the zine so much it deserved more exposure. My dude… I love you… T_T

I thought about advertising on insta myself earlier in the week. For some reason I felt it was going to be fruitless since I don’t have an art account on there with a following. So, I gave up on the idea. Hey it worked out in the end.

I’ve never been so organized in my entire life. I want this zine experience to be perfect. The people have placed their trust in me, so I cannot mess up. - Edited some pages in the zine. The typography must be perfect… It made me think back to undergrad days in graphic design school. Man, if only I can present this as a project - photos, videos, matching accessories and all. I’d probably get an A lol. - Orders slow down after the first day. The rest is just about getting new people to see the post and giving other people more time to decide.

I finished my Kratos stationery today. It’s going to be so cute. My friend said people would want to buy it but I don’t have it in me to do more products at this time. Plus, I want it to be a surprise.

Why make stationery? Well my real job (no, I don’t draw Kratos all day for a living) is a stationery designer! It would feel really wrong not to put into practice what etiquette I’ve learned in this business. Plus, I felt that it was necessary to properly thank all those who ordered. And it’s fun?

I started designing the shipping labels for the domestic orders since I don’t need to fill out a customs form for those. I wish I had sticker labels but… it’s okay. It will still look good in the end. - Every so often, I would get nervous at the amount of money I’m responsible for. Perhaps, if I had a store with existing products I wouldn’t feel this way, but the fact that the books haven’t been printed yet made me scared. I know, I need this money to even print the books in the first place, but I’m just baffled at my customers’ trust in almost a total stranger. I felt pressured that I could not let them down and lose that trust. It probably didn’t help that I watched a documentary on Elizabeth Holmes (Theranos) that day.

So, I prayed every single day that nothing would go wrong. I’d check my spreadsheet constantly for any mistakes. It was a little obsessive, but I would rather be that than overlook something.

I began collecting cardboard boxes. My plan was to cut them up to protect the books during transit. I would have preferred hard envelopes but they were a bit pricey. If I have to do more work myself, so be it.

I’ve been getting nice DMs from some buyers. I think my invoice due date scared them… I really did not intend to be strict, but I wanted people to pay now if they can rather than forget about it. This happens at work all the time, so the best thing to do is have it due immediately. It would not look good to have to wait on stragglers when I close pre-orders, so I’ll probably reach out when there is one week left. - My Kratos stationery arrived! Aww it is SO CUTE!!! My babies… I have a lot of notes to write so I got started right away. It’s going to be a lot of work trying to come up with creative ways to say “thank you,” but I don’t mind. I said I was going to put my all into the zine experience so I will.

At long last, the charm order has been put in motion. My friend said it could take a while… I hope it won’t be longer than 3 weeks. I really do not want to keep everyone waiting. I may ship out the ones who did not win a charm first. I mean, there is no reason to make those guys wait. I should ask the charm winners if they still want to wait and see if anyone wants to give it up for someone else who is more patient. Hm. - I finally stopped by the post office today to collect customs forms. I have my work cut out for me since I’m filling all of them in by hand. D:

I’m not used to international addresses so I think I’ll ask for help in checking them for spelling errors and typos. Heaven forbid I mess up on the very last part of the zine experience.

In my nervousness, I decided to reach out about invoices early on. If someone wanted to cancel, I would rather find out sooner rather than later. Everyone was really nice about paying and thank goodness they’re still excited.

Feeling kind of overwhelmed by all the things I need to do, but it’s a good thing. If I don’t know what to do, I can either: cut cardboard, write letters, type shipping labels, draw more Kratos for a… possible volume 2? Someone I talked to today already said they’ll pre-order a second book if I make one. Omg I think I’ll die. But we’ll see. It’s just a joke right now haha… - Preorders end today. I had another nightmare last night that the books could not be printed properly and there was nothing I could do. Why do I keep getting nightmares about the zine! I had one a few days before about people canceling their orders when I asked them about the invoices. I’ll take these dreams with a grain of salt. I’m probably just stressed/worried but everything is going to be okay. When I open my eyes, nothing is on fire.

I received my final proof a few days ago. With all of the artwork completed and changes applied. The book looks good, no doubt about it. There was only one thing I was nit-picky about but it can be fixed. The press operator offered to print another book for me to inspect. I’ll go see it on Monday and then submit the rest of the orders. I also asked to to have a meeting with the press operator so we are on the same page. It would be beneficial to have an understanding of how my book is made so that I may be more helpful to him.

I spent the day preparing shipping labels. I hate to admit, I am not too familiar with the format international addresses so I had an address validator open as I was typing them in. For the most part, everyone was helpful in already formatting their addresses in the preorder form! - My parents called me the day after preorders were closed. They wanted to say congratulations on my success. No one thought it would do this well. I couldn’t be offended by that since I was also guilty of it. I’m happy though. It feels like my love spread across the world and was contagious.

I tried to think of what advice I would give to others. Obviously, genuine love for the subject and hard work were a necessity. But it would be good to consider value. If I were selling it at this price, I had to make sure my pieces and presentation looked the part. I ask myself, if someone else sold it, would I buy it?

I sent out messages to all the charm winners in the morning. I wanted to apologize profusely at the ridiculous amount of time it has taken to get them made. But no, I’ve got to stop apologizing. I stated the facts and left it at that. Everyone was really kind and patient⁠—to which I was thankful for. I don’t usually get that when I’m working customer service. - All the books were done printing in one day. Wow! I went to pick it up immediately of course. I can’t believe all of this is coming to an end. I finished preparing the mailers. All that was left was to stuff and seal the domestic orders. They were the easiest to do so I’m going to ship those first. The rest will need customs forms, which I haven’t filled out just yet. It’s going to be a while for those…

The mailers were quite sturdy with the cardboard cutouts I slipped in them. I have nothing to worry about. I’m sure my babies will be okay! - I took a whole box of domestic orders to the post office today. Wasn’t sure what to expect. But my clerk had to input every single address one at a time while I checked for errors. Omg, why are the post office shipping labels SO HUGE. I thought it was going to be half the size. And they’re ruining my designer labels! Slight panic but oh well…

I had a long long line behind me. I’m so sorry, people. Luckily there were two clerks or I would be really sweating. Despite my intimidating box of zines, the clerk and I had Synergy and we managed to ship all of these in about 15 minutes. I received a very long receipt and quite the bill lol. - Shipped the international orders today. I was kind of a mess since I had no idea what to do. I keep wondering if I can help speed up the process in any way but I don’t think I have the option to ship first-class at home.

When shipping international, keep the post office copy of the customs forms together with the package since they use that to type the address info into the system. Also, we get free tracking, which I did not know about. The other clerk told me that we did not get tracking for international first-class but I guess he was misinformed. It’s good to know for next time. - The charms finally arrived!! And THEY’RE HOLOGRAPHIC?! It was pretty awesome, but it makes picture-taking kind of difficult!! Anyway, I was a tiny bit disgruntled that they got my order incorrect, and I even asked for a reprint. But they said no, so I left it at that. Besides, it seems the holographic effect was well-received.

I like this size that I made. It’s really cute! Larger than your normal charm but not too huge. It’s almost like an Instax photo! - There was one customer who I found lives near me! I asked her if she wanted me to hand-deliver it to her in a public setting and she agreed (to my amazement). We finally met a few days ago and talked for hours and hours lol! I’m glad to have finally made a new friend here in this town but of course she’s moving away in two weeks. <:’3

We’re going to meet again to make the most of her time left. - I shipped the rest of the orders on the following Monday. I HAD to get these out. The poor guys have been waiting over a month! I think I picked a bad time to go because I had a huge line behind me and only one guy working. People in line were getting antsy or mad. The clerk at the other post office was super fast but not this guy…

For some reason shipping to the UK and Japan nearly doubled in price since the last time I checked. RIP. T_T - Omg I finally made a mistake. I wrote a letter to the wrong person. And the contents of that letter are too personalized!!! I am dying of embarrassment!!!!! Screams!! Had to apologize to both customers too!!! Luckily they were good sports about it but I’m seriously kicking myself AAAAAAAA!!!! - The most rewarding part after sending all my babies away is seeing the commentary on my project. It is so so nice to receive positive feedback. People are happy! Happy with something I created out of thin air. Everything was worth it 1000 times over. I can die happy!

I’m especially thankful to those who show understanding for how much effort went into it. It definitely wasn’t easy and I poured way too many hours into it… not that I regret that.

I don’t want to jump the gun but I would really love to make a volume 2. Because I know I can do better than last time. New and improved art and comics! But we’ll see if I make enough pieces for another book. I was against printing 40 pages before but now I kind of like it. It feels more worth it than a 25-page zine. If i’m going though so much effort, might as well bring in the entire package.

I’ll be printing more of this volume for Aselia Con 2020. Now I know people will appreciate it.